Alaska907

I'm new to this sight. I'm feeling helpless and confused. My husband is an alcoholic and we have two young girls. He won't get help and I hate the lies and fighting. It's like an emotional roller coaster and when he drinks I never know what to expect. Where do I start for help?

Dee74

Here's a great place to start Alaska - welcome
You find a lot of support here - and in our Friends and Family forum too

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

have you considered something like AlAnon as well?

D

Ecotime47

Sorry you're going through this but I'm glad you found us. This site is a God-send. It's been such an encouragement for so many. I hope it will be for you as well. I'll be sending prayers up for you and yur family today. Hang in there!

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation and I hope you find support for yourself.

Alaska907

Thanks for the warm welcomes and advice. I'm scared to go to alon because I am in a small community and work with the public. Maybe I need to humble myself and get over it.

Ecotime47

I get that. I would proabably feel the same way if I lived in your town. Humbleness and owning it are both so important to defeating it. I'm inspired every day I hear men like Glenn Beck talk about how humbling themselves was a huge part of their recovery. Hang in there!

Soberwolf

Good luck

JT0626

Shame has a way of making us stagnant. I know it does with me. Let go of the shame & heal any way you need to. (((hugs)))

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! You'll find loads of support here on SR!!

least

Welcome to an awesome recovery site. I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.

heartcore

I'm also an Alaskan, and understand just how small communities are here, and how there really is no privacy or anonymity. That being said, alcoholism is also a very big issue in Alaska, and our keeping our experiences private out of some sort of distorted shame issue is not a healthy choice. There is probably not a single family in all of Alaska who has not been touched and harmed by alcoholism in one of their relatives. People DO understand and relate; there is really no one who can judge... You need support to make good decisions about what to do next for yourself and your family.

What they will teach you in al-anon is that you cannot control the alcoholic, but you can control your choices in relation to what you want your life (and your childrens' life) to look like. You have to decide clearly how the alcoholism is impacting you, and what behaviors are or aren't acceptable to you. You can't make your husband get sober, but you can - for example - decide that you don't want to interact with him when he is drunk. You need to be responsible for self-protection and for protecting your daughters - whatever that takes.

If you are being abused, you need to seek help immediately.

If you can't attend meetings because of your feelings about family privacy, please see a counselor (even in a small rural community there should be one available through the health center) to help you develop your boundaries and make some decisions.

Winter is upon us, and this often contributes to alcohol use. This site is a great resource - read current and past postings. You will also get a lot out of the family and friends section...

heartcore

PS - even though you work with the public, learning about alcoholism through al-anon will help you be better at understanding people! I'm an alcoholic, so I go to AA, and there is slightly more stigma in being the one admitting that you're the alcoholic, but even then, I feel like it helps me to be a better person in general and thus be better at my job.

There is no shame in seeking support (although we often feel it that way). You may be surprised at just who is at the al-anon meetings in your community. Being someone who asks for help when they need it is brave and powerful!

Alaskachick

Ditto what Heartcore posted. Alcoholism is a huge issue in Alaska, especially in the smaller communities, and most people up here have been affected by it to some degree. I’ve also found people up here to be very understanding and non-judgmental about it.

I understand your desire for privacy; however with two young children I think you definitely need to seek additional support so that you can help them cope with their fathers issues. It can be with a public group such as al-anon or with private counseling, but I do think you should be able to find an option that works for you. Posting here and admitting that there’s a problem is a great way to start. I hope you continue to seek advice and help.

I’m sending a (((hug))) your way from the “big city” of Anchorage.

Treerat66

Hello Alaska907. Welcome to SR.

JanieJ

Welcome, Alaska907

I'm sorry to hear of your circumstances. I think you've had some very good advice already.

Here's another hug, from the UK (((())))

Alaska907

Wow thanks everyone. That really hit home and I need to be strong and make some changes for myself and kids. It's so hard because my husband will be on good behavior for weeks and so it's easy for me to block out the fact I need to go to alon.