Chiffon

And I REALLY just want advice here - NO arguments. Every time I have gone to AA, it's been like 'Depressives Anonymous'. Nothing, to do with quitting booze, just loads of people telling everyone all about their problems and looking miserable because they couldn't drink alcohol.

My question is - is this NORMAL at AA meetings or have I just found a group of depressives? It put me right off and left me feeling like i needed a drink to get all their problems out of my head (I tend to take things on board and want to solve things for people)

SoberLeigh

I don't use AA so I don't know. But I have heard many AA'ers here say that if one meeting doesn't fit keep looking - you will eventually find the right group for you.

Chiffon

I tried 4 groups in 2 different cities babe - maybe the UK lot are a whole different ball-game x

CAPTAINZING2000

Probably a lot depends on the length of sobriety in the room.
Other things such as being court ordered to attending with possible court sentences hanging over their heads.

Cilldara

The AA is not for me but I have at least attended several meetings over the years. I've never found any of them to be particularly full of depressives. If anything, they seemed to be realists, not particularly optimistic but not pessimistic or depressive either. There's a certain positivity in a group of people celebrating even small milestones in the maintenance of their sobriety.

doggonecarl

One could say the same thing about SR.

Yet here you are, contributing.

Chiffon

Thanks - i'm not sure the courts do that here? I might be wrong. it deffo different ie no chips etc.

Chiffon

Yes, but you can skip posts on SR. Not sure I understand. Please, I am NOT criticizing AA - I would hate you to think that. It's just from what I read about people praising it on here, I am not getting the same when I've tried meetings. Perhaps it's a UK v USA thing? Maybe something got lost in translaton for meetings over here?

Peace x

Carlotta

It sounds like that meeting is one of those we sometimes jokingly referred to as "group therapy" or a discussion meeting gone South.
Meetings do have different format:
- Speaker meetings were someone will tell their story: How it was, what happened and how it is now and share their experience, strenghts and hope.
- Steps Meetings were the people work and study the steps
- Big Book meetings
- Literature meetings
- Discussion meetings.
and I probably forgot something LOl


I would suggest you check out a step or BB meeting if you have one in your area. Those are solution oriented meetings and people who work the steps rarely whine.
Also check out a speaker meeting, I rarely go to those but I know many people who enjoy them and get a lot out of them.

Nonsensical

I did quite a lot of shopping around for a meeting that was consistently upbeat. Probably hit up a dozen or more meeting venues in my hometown. I finally found one I like, but it took some effort.

Chiffon

I'll bear it in mind thanks. For now, SR is doing me just fine. Just thought i'd get my thoughts out there, as I'm sure I'm not the only one in the UK with similar reservations x
Thanks all and peace ! X

MIRecovery

The meetings I go to are happy joyous and free. People that love being sober

doggonecarl

I don't think you are criticizing AA. You are just being critical of the way the meetings are preceding. It's frustrating for sure. Poor meeting leadership.

When the opportunity to speak comes up, raise your hand and voice the same displeasure you voiced here. Or ask, "Would the person here with the longest stint of sobriety please tell us how you achieved it?"

I bet someone else would appreciate the meetings getting back on track.

ardy

back in 1980's going thro divorce I was court ordered to attend.. went a couple of times to golly several different groups.. all men all women a mix and the last time ..I went out the the lake and stood there and said Oh Hell No.. that was worse then drinking.. I have a pal from a work that we did he is a goer to a AA group thro the Vets center Ralph needs to do that .. all of the group is just like him age type of dinkers and type of military background .. but the swabby will always find me when he needs a kick in the pants a punch in the arm and a laugh.. he just made me a friend on Face Book.. I listen and give him hell and he likes to chat with my family. he has just touched base with his daughter for the first time in 15 years.. so I think what you find in Life is what you need to stay balanced.. you all here have added to my balance... ardy

Chiffon

Thanks Carl

Hope4Life

Wow! I can see where you would be discouraged. Maybe it is a UK thing, as you said. I'm sorry you are having a hard time finding a group that better suits you but don't give up!

At my fellowship, there are occasionally folks who are depressed and express it to the group but for the most part, the saying "We are not a glum lot!" is the norm. At almost every meeting, there is laughter and a lot of encouragement.

I'd suggest attending chip meetings as there is always a positive note in the air when someone reaches a milestone. The support and encouragement of the group is a special thing.

Chiffon

Thanks for that Ardy

Chiffon

They don't seem to DO chips etc here - it's seeming more and more like a watered down version. I would LOVE to go to one in the USA and see the difference. I am now honestly beleving that this is why there is so much conflict between AA v Non-AA on SR! Not so much a cultural clash as an Identity crisis on the part of the UK and therefore a pseudo cultural clash.

I'm hoping this is the turning point where we can understand where each other are coming from and all move on unitedly and together x
Thank you all for your imput - it has been enlightening

Peace x

EndGameNYC

I left my home group after almost three years because it pretty much became an exercise in "group think," where the shared ideas suffered from a special kind of nepotism. At the time I left, I'd just finished chairing the meeting for about a year. Where none should exist, a "party line" developed over time, and everyone started to sound like everyone else. A couple of the regulars would routinely complain about their wives and their marriages, something they've apparently been doing for years. New people tended to parrot what their sponsors told them, though few stayed long enough to understand what they were staying. Though the meetings weren't always depressing, I was hearing many of the same things over and over again, and a few voices began to dominate the meeting.

In my mind, the meeting had become one of those meetings that scare away people who are new to AA. My choice was to either recommend a change of some sort, or get a different home group. For some obvious reasons, most having to do with the impracticality of having people change the way they participated in order to satisfy my needs and desires, and some personal reasons, I chose the latter. It's no one's responsibility to entertain me at a meeting.

I recently needed to change my home group once again for purely logistical reasons. I was happy with the first new group, and I'm happy with my second new group. Sometimes a change of scenery in AA can work wonders. At my second meeting, about two weeks ago, I was asked to speak before I even sat down. Of course I spoke, a great way to get to know people and have people know me as well.

Sometimes we're in a frame of mind to focus on the negative, and other times we're able to just take things in as they're presented. Though it sometimes is the meeting that's unhelpful, perhaps even barely tolerable, very often it's what's going on with me and how I project that on other people that turns me off.

Chiffon

Thanks Endgame. I wsh there was some way we could show each other what each others meetings are like. I am understanding more now, why the UK rebel and the USA promote AA. It's like a different world.

Thank you!