matilda123

I was thinking about the recent post that asked whether alcohol creates anxiety or whether we drink because we are anxious. I've been pondering this question myself.

Ever since I can remember, I was an anxious, perfectionist child, although I couldn't tell you what, exactly, I was anxious about. I would rock on my rocking horse for hours, sometimes in a trance like state (without the fortuitous results of the boy in the D.H. Lawrence story). I was also painfully shy (my mother would call me her four year old grandmother). I was also a conflict avoider and probably always had my nose in a book to avoid conflict in my chaotic house.

When I discovered alcohol as a teenager, it was a magical elixir: it made me bold, adventurous and gregarious. Later, when I went to graduate school and then early on in my profession (honestly, really, up until now) I drank to relieve anxieties that I had about my work and whether I was good enough. Writing is a big part of my job and although I've received accolades for it, I have never felt it was good enough, despite what others havesaid.

Something happened sometime in the last couple of years, but I don't know exactly when. The thing I was doing to relieve my anxiety became a big cause of my anxiety. I started waking up in the middle of the night sweaty with my heart pounding. In the morning, I would drag myself to my desk and "work," but working with a hangover I was slow, which would just make me more anxious, drink more, rinse and repeat.

I suppose for me the "cure" to my anxiety has now become the problem. I'm not sure whether I'll need to do something about the anxiety without the alcohol(therapy, medication or just trying to learn some self-acceptance) but I see that it no longer is a chicken and egg for me: the alcohol and anxiety are intimately tied.

alaek

I suffer from anxiety and have had anxiety far before I started drinking. But what really made my anxiety even worse was definitely alcohol. Alcohol and drugs, in spite of what people think, do not make anxiety better. All they do is make you forget that you're anxious. But as soon as you're coming down from the alcohol, your anxiety gets 10x worse. This has happened to me so many times. I've had panic attacks after a weekend of binge drinking and didn't understand why. I would sometimes get stuck in a depression for a couple of days, and I didn't put two and two together, but I realized that alcohol was only making it worse. Now that I'm 54 days sober, I know that I will never have to have another panic attack caused by drinking again. I may get some caused by other things, but they are more manageable. When you mix drugs and alcohol into it, it really just confuses everything and only makes things worse.

Dallow

I feel the same way. I was anxious, shy and didn't open up to people. Then, like you, I became thrilled in my teens when I realised what alcohol could do to me. I could do anything and talk to anyone.

"It's almost like you're two different people", I was told.

Unfortunately, I prefered the drunk one.

Fast forward well in my mid twenties I stopped drinking so much, and my life went on hold. I couldn't progress because I was wrapped up in anxiety. I felt I was missing out on life, so I started to drink again.

I actually remember a specific point when I thought to myself: "I'd rather be an alcoholic than not daring to do anything in life"

Yes, I could see where I was heading, but at that point - didn't even care.

Then it spiralled downwards and the last two years have been really bad. The alcohol is adding to my anxiety and I don't want to be an alcoholic, I want to learn how to dare things without it.
And now when getting sober, I am also thinking of seeking help for that. Because it feels like I have to learn how to live, really live, for the first time. At age 31.

bigsombrero

Sounds real familiar to me - you could be describing my exact situation as well. I decided that giving up the alcohol was a MUST, though. After that, I tackled the anxiety with a sober mind. I met with medical professionals (much to the dismay of my anxiety) and found something that works for me. These past 2.5 years sober have led me down some scary roads, but I'm happy to be sober after finally getting my feet under me.

Pondering on "what caused what" is interesting, but there's a little danger in that too. I often thought that maybe it was the anxiety and NOT the drinking, and if I played my cards right I could keep drinking. Well, I mixed anxiety meds and lots of vodka once too many and nearly didn't survive the last encounter. Just keep plugging away at sobriety and things will work out with the anxiety. THAT is the chicken-and-the-egg scenario worth paying attention to.

matilda123

Absolutely, bigsombrero! We can analyze things to death--our deaths! The why, where and when is less important then the simple fact that I cannot drink. For me, it is important to recognize anxiety as an issue that perhaps predates alcohol so that if I am feeling anxiety I see that it is something that I am going to have to grapple with in other ways, since alcohol no longer will be the (ineffective) way that I will try to grapple with it!

Briar

Same story here. I was an anxious kid, started drinking in college, thought it was the greatest thing ever, drank more and more over the years, and then realized the alcohol was causing panic attacks. Anxiety is hands down my worst hangover symptom. I can manage the physical symptoms, but when the anxiety sets in it makes me terribly sick. When I was sober for a few months, I still had anxiety now and then, but nothing compared to when I was drinking.

bigsombrero

I actually had to go to the ER once with a hangover panic attack and another time I had to go to urgent care. Things were never that bad before I started drinking. I'd been uncomfortable and nervous before, but alcohol - particularly hangovers - opened up the door to a whole new world of anxiety symptoms. It got so bad that the only time I wasn't anxious was when I was drinking. So glad to be alcohol free and managing my anxiety the right way now, glad to hear others feel the same!

matilda123

While I know I'm anxious, I think that alcohol made me more anxious too. The night before I quit, I woke up with a pounding heart (one of the reasons I decided, that's it)! I also just looked down at my nails: they are getting longer! The fact that I'm not biting my nails is a clear sign I'm feeling less anxious. Yeah!!

Hawks

Born with anxiety & over-sensitivity in my case.

Alcohol got rid of both of those for 20 odd years, but eventually & for the last 10 years of drinking, it made them worse.

Drunk ... no anxiety.

Hungover or sober ..... anxiety worsened over ten years.

So I used more & more alcohol ...... vicious cycle.

Without alcohol, I must find another way to be rid of them, else I return to my old solution.

Born alcoholic ?

I believe I was.

Why ?

Don't know .... it just is what it is to me now.

Soberwolf

way to go matilda

MelindaFlowers

I had some anxiety and the alcohol worked for a few years. Then it turned on me and made my anxiety 100 times worse. Can you picture when a gremlin touches water? That's what happened with me. The anxiety during the daily withdrawals was unbearable. My blood pressure was extremely high and I felt on edge all the time.

fastfocus

I suffered anxiety way way before I drank, the question I ask myself now is

has my anxiety got worse because I drank or would it have got this bad any way?

I guess ill never honestly know

my biological mum suffers bad anxiety she always has, my belief is my anxiety was passed down through her genes

at least today I don't drink on it, and im in line for some cbt therapy

JanieJ

Yes to all of the above posts, and from personal experience, I find that caffeine makes my anxiety worse. I had a phase of drinking redbull a few years back, omg, the panic attacks I had !!

(In case any of you don't know, Redbull is an "energy" drink, full of caffeine.)

But it may be that I am sensitive to caffeine, I don't know if it's the same for everyone.

FreeOwl

So many of these words exactly describe my experience.

Now 10 months sober I am experiencing all kinds of 'system overload'.

I feel like the original anxiety has been exacerbated by decades of abuse to my system by drugs, alcohol and excessive caffeine use.

Now I'm trying to learn anew how to handle life as a human and meanwhile my body is trying to rebalance itself.

Ahhhhh..... It's a process. All I can do is be patient, try to keep working on cutting caffeine, therapy, meditation and more patience.

Tang

I'm not a writer, but I was a reclusive kid until I met drugs and alcohol. Now I'm working with a bunch of drunks, though they are extroverts and I'm an anxious introvert. I hope to someday find my place in the world I once had a mentor who was awesome at public speaking who told me not to mistake anxious energy for anxiety. He told me even the most confident people are anxious, they just channel the energy differently. He was no psychologist and I still haven't got comfortable with my anxiety.

anattaboy

alcohol

Changel

Aside from the usual teenage worries, my anxiety definitely came after the alcohol.

I am shy too, but I have always been ok with that. Alcohol didn't make me any more outgoing, and in the end I drank alone anyway.

My severe anxiety came about 15 years after the alcohol. I was confused because I had no experience of this before. I didn't really understand it until I found SR.

chickippo

my (already ridiculous) alcohol consumption really ramped up when i started having panic attacks. my addict brain of course loved this, and i became lost in the crossfire.

i'm still anxious, and since getting sober i suffer more i think - something about facing the world without a fluffy booze jumper just makes me feel raw and exposed. i still isolate. but i ain't drinking and that will always make this situation the preferable one.

Kero

I had no idea I had anxiety until I ended up at the doctor feeling like I was having a heart attack. Turns out I had this all my life and some of my drinking was dealing with that. Looking back it should have been obvious.

Of course like others have said, the booze makes things worse, not better. At least now that I understand what I am dealing with at least I can understand the signs.

The one thing for me is just knowing when I'm getting anxious and do something. Go outside for a walk, jog, etc. When I'm sober I don't have it too bad.

matilda123

Tang, I have to give a lot of public talks to big groups. I remember the first time I gave one, I was so nervous. A professor observed to me that excitement and anxiety can, sometimes, feel the same.So, when you feel anxious in groups, just tell yourself you're excited instead. Although well established in my field, I still get anxious when I publicly speak, but tell myself that I'm actually excited. Strangely, it works. The mind is an odd thing!