It will never be right again...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
It will never be right again...
I think it was Fandy who said, if I stopped drinking around my niece, she might also stop. So I stopped. One night she stopped at two, the last two nights she has not drank at all.
I understand we grieve differently. But what I didn't understand is how you blend in with people who are grieving differently. I cry all the time. I don't have a lot to say. And the big point of contention with my Mom is that I hav refused to go thru Debbies stuff and claim what I want. My Mom has decided it best to ignore it. Pretend it didn't happen. Live life like it was. When I don't do that, she asks what's wrong. WHATS WRONG. Don't get me started woman. She is not all here to begin with, this is all so confusing for her. I cannot grieve when she is around, and she is always around. I can't cry. I can't scream. I hold it until she leaves. Yesterday I held on for 7 hours. I thought I was going to die, and I was not a nice person to be around.
How can I leave them? Who will take care of them? My poor Dad.
Dad wants me to go back to Washington early. He thinks that would be better for me. But what about her? She cannot hardly walk. Can't cook, clean, drive, put on her bra on alone, can't get dressed, can't hardly cut her food, we do it. How does this work?
I don't know what to do. I want to go home so bad. But I feel like I can't leave. I don't want to leave them. Yes, I pray and pray and pray.
I just don't know what to do.
I understand we grieve differently. But what I didn't understand is how you blend in with people who are grieving differently. I cry all the time. I don't have a lot to say. And the big point of contention with my Mom is that I hav refused to go thru Debbies stuff and claim what I want. My Mom has decided it best to ignore it. Pretend it didn't happen. Live life like it was. When I don't do that, she asks what's wrong. WHATS WRONG. Don't get me started woman. She is not all here to begin with, this is all so confusing for her. I cannot grieve when she is around, and she is always around. I can't cry. I can't scream. I hold it until she leaves. Yesterday I held on for 7 hours. I thought I was going to die, and I was not a nice person to be around.
How can I leave them? Who will take care of them? My poor Dad.
Dad wants me to go back to Washington early. He thinks that would be better for me. But what about her? She cannot hardly walk. Can't cook, clean, drive, put on her bra on alone, can't get dressed, can't hardly cut her food, we do it. How does this work?
I don't know what to do. I want to go home so bad. But I feel like I can't leave. I don't want to leave them. Yes, I pray and pray and pray.
I just don't know what to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
I echo Gilmer. Is there a particular time of day that is most difficult for your Mom? You may be able to schedule a visiting nurse to help your Mom for a few hours a day during her neediest times.
(Preparedness was something my sister and I lacked when my Mom made her turn for the worse. While you are there, you may want to look into assisted living or nursing facilities to become familiar with what is available).
(((Raider))))
(Preparedness was something my sister and I lacked when my Mom made her turn for the worse. While you are there, you may want to look into assisted living or nursing facilities to become familiar with what is available).
(((Raider))))
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I would listen to your father or try to get some assistance
im sure there is help Availible and raider it might just be your mum is being strong for you
Everybody grieves diffrently i know i went numb there wasnt much you could say to me
i didnt want to eat i couldnt cry i was frozen it wasnt registering i couldnt go to the cemetry in the months after her fuenral i barely got thru the fuenral it was like a blur i stayed sober throughout carrying my mother in a coffin in freezing conditions i felt hot nothing seemed real
i can understand this might not seem real for your mum i can relate
im sure there is help Availible and raider it might just be your mum is being strong for you
Everybody grieves diffrently i know i went numb there wasnt much you could say to me
i didnt want to eat i couldnt cry i was frozen it wasnt registering i couldnt go to the cemetry in the months after her fuenral i barely got thru the fuenral it was like a blur i stayed sober throughout carrying my mother in a coffin in freezing conditions i felt hot nothing seemed real
i can understand this might not seem real for your mum i can relate
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Yes, absolutely. You could look into hiring a caregiver who would come by as needed and help out. It doesn't sound like a good situation for you to stay in Pam, and you need to take care of yourself and your life, too.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Yes, Raider, she needs help with daily living skills and someone to manage her meds, personal needs....(kind of like what Amy/Impurrfect does down in Georgia). We had a recently retired nurse's aide who came to the house 3 hours a day, between breakfast and lunch. She made sure my mother took her meds, didn't set the house on fire, ate and had someone to talk to and comment on the TV shows. She also did light cleaning, like mop up the floors, load the dishwasher, etc.
most of all you want your parents safe and taken care of. What are your options? Here there are many private agencies with licensed help, someone bonded and insured.
don' be so hard on yourself, your mom is only doing what she needs to do to protect herself, maybe she cannot face the hurting right now so she covers it, her feelings can get out just yet.?.
sorry it wasn't me (I don' think) that said that about not drinking to lead by example for your niece....but I am glad you are both sober.
most of all you want your parents safe and taken care of. What are your options? Here there are many private agencies with licensed help, someone bonded and insured.
don' be so hard on yourself, your mom is only doing what she needs to do to protect herself, maybe she cannot face the hurting right now so she covers it, her feelings can get out just yet.?.
sorry it wasn't me (I don' think) that said that about not drinking to lead by example for your niece....but I am glad you are both sober.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Were they taking care of each other before you got there? My guess is they will figure out how to after you leave too. And not to sound callous, but are you really helping by being there anyway? Sounds like its oil and water and all of you might need some space.
You cannot control their grieving process, it will simply have to work itself out. You need to seek some help for yourself too...remember Pam has a grieving process to work out of her own.
You cannot control their grieving process, it will simply have to work itself out. You need to seek some help for yourself too...remember Pam has a grieving process to work out of her own.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
He was taking care of her. My sister was taking care of her too. Debbie cooked, cleaned, drove my mom to get her hair done, helped my dad so much. She lived a one minute walk away. She was always there for them.
I am going home early. Home a week from tomorrow. I told my niece I hoped I made the right decision leaving early. She said, that's the problem, there is no right decision.
I am just so dang sad. I just want to disappear until the heartache stops and the tears dry.
I am going home early. Home a week from tomorrow. I told my niece I hoped I made the right decision leaving early. She said, that's the problem, there is no right decision.
I am just so dang sad. I just want to disappear until the heartache stops and the tears dry.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
