anonnn

Just a forewarning... this is about to be long.

So about 5 months ago, I got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy that never really treated me right... & I ended up falling out of love with him. Anyways long story short, I became emotionally stable to date again finally & I was the happiest I could be. I wasen't really "trying" to be in a relationship... untill a guy that ive talked to every once in a while messaged me on facebook... again. Him & I have talked as friends previously. We went to the same high school & we knew most of the same people. So, we started talking. At first I wasen't very interested in him, as he wasen't really "my type" I guess you could say. I have always dating the "a**hole" type guys... Well he talked me into coming over to watch a movies. I reminded him that I would come hangout strictly "as friends". He agreed. So I went to hangout with him... everything went good. I left, he texted me the next day saying he had a good time & wanted to hangout again. I told him I would because I found him cute & he had a great personality.

So about a week into hanging out he had asked me to be his girlfriend. This is something I would normally say "uhm, its way too soon" to... But for some reason I thought oh... what the hell, why not? I like this guy & he treats me well. I found it kind of odd that he would mainly like to hangout at night & watch movies... every time I asked if he wanted to do something during the day he would say... oh, I have to go help my friend move, I have no help my mom with her work, I have to do house work. I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then he asked me if I would still be with him if I knew he was once a "heroin addict" but he's clean & sober now... Well... I think i'm a pretty nice person. & I believe in second chances. So me being dumb thinking he is 100% sober now. I continued my relationship with him because I started to fall in love with him... I noticed more & more that he would doze off during moving & use the old "i'm resting my eyes"! line... lol. But it became more frequent. I also noticed marks on his arms... & I brought it up to him & asked about them. (I knew they were track marks the whole time, just wanted to see how he would lie to me) He has the nerve to tell me they were "bug bites".

He would also call me in the middle of the night sometimes complaining that he doesn't feel good, & that he is sick & feels like he is gonna die. (this was withdrawal) I didn't know this at the time... & he didn't tell me. So this trend of all of this continues... Then he starts asking me if he could borrow money for his phone bill... me thinking its REALLY for his "phone bill" & being the nice person I am. Of course I let him borrow $50 for his phone bill. This becomes more frequent... & I start to catch on. Untill one day he finally called me & told me he was feeling very depressed & felt like ****. I asked him "well whats wrong?" & he says you know whats wrong... (He knows that I already knew he was still using... he just didn't want to admit it to me...) So I ask what is it? & he says he's withdrawing...

Long story short with that one... I guess I could be labeled as a "caretaker" in this situation because I felt that I HAD to be there for him because I love him & I wanted to help him (yes I know there is NO helping an addict, they can only help themselves) I have learned this... I paid for him to get into a program where they give him subs to try & get him sober & he couldnt do it... he would try & he would give up & tell me to drop him off at his "friends" to go get high... So after all this emotional stress on me dealing with all this & seeing someone I love go thru this we finally talked about him going to rehab... So finally he went to a rehab 13 hours away... At first he told me it would be 6-8 weeks long. So of course I said i'd wait for him... & I love him. He said he needed me & loves me & he wants me to stay strong & wait for him to come home after rehab... well he would call me every weekend & I would write letters telling him how proud I am of him etc etc... & he decided he wants to stay down there & go to a halfway house... about two weeks ago I went down there to visit him with his mom... he acted really weird the entire time we were down there. I do understand that when your in recovery... you dont need to have a relationship. So I asked him while I was down there. I said "are you sure you want to be with me because sometimes relationships can cause stress & I want you to focus on yourself." & he told me he wouldnt make me drive 13 hours if he didn't want to be with me. Ok... So I said thats fine & i've been giving him his space.

So two weeks go by after going to visit him & I don't get a phone call from him or nothing... So I talked to his mom & she told me that she thinks its because he doesn't want a relationship right now & he doesn't know how to handle breaking up with me... so he was just going to ignore me & cut me off pretty much. Well I felt heart broken... So I just tried to focus on me.

He then sent me a text that Monday when he got to the halfway house. He told me he wants to be with me but doesn't know how it will workout because he's thinking about living in where he is at.. So I told him ok & that I understand that this is whats best... we didn't OFFICIALLY break up yet. Untill I saw on facebook that he was commenting on a post with one of the guys he met in rehab implying that they have been f***ing the girls down there... after seeing that I sent him a text saying "i am done" & I took our relationship off facebook. He then responded with "ok". So thats night I decided to go out with my friends. We posted pictures on instagram & of course he saw them & texted me saying "so you wanna breakup cuz you wanna go out?" & I said no, i want to be done because of what you put on facebook. & he swears up & down to me that he didn't cheat on me. So whatever... I didn't wanna stress him out with fighting so I just kept it short with him. He then texted me the next morning apologizing for the way he's been acting towards me & told me still wants to be with me but doesn't know how its gonna workout with him being down there. Then he told me he has the whole day off so if I wanna talk on the phone we can. We have a short OK conversation... he tells me he will call back. then keeps making up excuses as to why he cant call me back right away. & tell me he will for sure call me sometime tonight... never does.. then apologizes to me in the morning. Everytime I think him & i are officially done & I try to get over him he sends me a text... I love him & it sucks not being with him... & i'm trying so hard to get over him... but he sometimes gives me hope when we talk then shoots me down again... Idk how to handle it. It has been stressing me out really bad. I have stuck by his side & been loyal the whole month & a half he has been down there... I just don't wanna waste my time anymore... I dont't know if he did cheat on me I don't know how he feels about me anymore, is it possible he just doesn't want me to move on incase he did come back home soon? He still doesnt know for sure if he wants to live down there... help:/

IOAA2

Hi. In a similar situation someone asked me if I had some running shoes.

BE WELL

biminiblue

Block him from calling, texting, email, Instagram, facebook.

This guy is trouble and you keep buying it.

The only way out is to stop completely. Just like he has to stay away from the drugs, you have to stay completely 100% away from him.

Chiffon

Hi Have you noticed the 'friends and family' section of the site? There will be others going through the same/similar who will know how you are feeling

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/

It's very difficult when you love someone isnt it - we're here for you! X

ArtFriend

Do a search on the forum for a post called "intermittent chicken"

RememberThePain

Hi anonnn, I read ur story and I really feel for you. I am a heroin addict, so I'm going to give u my thoughts on this from my perspective. I am also a female and I've been in a relationship with a non addict for almost 3 yrs. So, we're both females, but I am the addict in my relationship, not my boyfriend. I literally just got home from rehab 2 days ago. I was gone for 30 days. I was excited to see my boyfriend and my cat while on the way home, although a few hours after I got home, I found myself feeling so alone and depressed and I just started crying. My boyfriend is beyond supportive and has stayed with me despite of some horrible things I've done in my addiction, but he doesn't understand how I feel, bc he's not an addict. I felt safe in rehab, surrounded by 50 other females who were just like me. You go from being around people who understand you, 24/7, for a whole month, then all of a sudden, boom, ur thrown back in the real world, and it's really scary! I know I need someone to tell me what to do everyday, at least for now, bc my life wasn't working when I did what I wanted to do. I feel silly, being 29 yrs old and needing someone to tell me a schedule everyday, but oh well. Anyway, i understand now why so many people go to halfway houses or recovery houses directly out of rehab. It really helps people transition back into the world, slowly, while still being around other addicts and having therapy and stuff. I'm not justifying what ur boyfriend is doing to you, bc as a female, i can relate to how hurt ur feeling. As an addict with a non addict significant other, i can relate to him. Also, when i first got clean, my emotions were running all over the place, so that's what might be happening with him also. He doesn't know what he wants or what to do. He might not be calling u as much bc he doesn't know what to say, or he might feel that you just won't understand him. I know I feel like that when I try and talk to my boyfriend about my addiction. I hope I helped u in some way. Whatever happens, you have to do what is best for you, girl. You can't let yourself be so depressed over someone who is not treating u the way u should be, wether he's an addict or not! You are a good enough perspon to stick with an addict even while he's away, so u really deserve to be happy with someone. Maybe it's time you let go and if it's meant to be, it will be. I wish u the best!!

SoberLife90

Do yourself a favor and don't date anybody in recovery. It will just make your life easier. You don't need the extra stress with this guy either.

anonnn

Thank you so much Everything you said makes perfect sense.

Dee74

Hi and welcoem anonn

You seem like a nice thoughtful caring person.
You deserve better than this - that's the bottom line.

D