razor15

Brilliant! I love road trips! Have a fantastic time Nuu. Have a grand adventure.

PurpleKnight

Have a fantastic time Nuu!!

biminiblue

I've moved across country three times - by myself and in my car with all my worldly belongings. S. Florida to Ohio, Ohio to California, California to Washington. Now I have too many belongings and no desire to uproot

New life awaits! How exciting.

Nuudawn

So got the 1000 km's in as planned. I waffled bout the last few hours between towns..but 3:30 p.m. was too early to pack 'er in for the day. My concern of course was darkness and wildlife. Sooooo...I perservered and drove last couple hours in dark...AND heavy snow...ya it was tense. Rounded one corner to see a deer standing on the side of highway. Thankfully in bolted in opposite direction of my front grill. Then bout 5 minutes up..saw something else furry run past road...not sure what it was..wolf perhaps?

Anyhoo..I'm here..in some little one horse town. I got a budget motel room (which smells like it was disinfected with cheap men's aftershave. I currently in an adjacent restaurant muching on a chicken caesar salad and sippin' a club soda.

It was a long day alone with my thoughts..and I was ALL over the emotional map. I am STILL obsessing over the tumultuous ending with my most recent man friend. I would like that to stop soon. I deviate between thinking of him with a loving, understanding heart..and well..then hating his guts.
It's bizarre.

What I don't understand is that...everything is as it should be (well.. except for the healing and acceptance and forgiveness bit)...so WHY the need for immediate resolution?? Why no patience with unfolding story ..ya know? Everything is FINE...yet I'm anxious as hell... a lot.


And yes...there were a few moments today that...drinking..and smoking crossed my mind with strong urgency. First time in a great while...

I'm good at the moment.

HeartsAfire

Thinking about you tonight. Your anxiousness will pass when you're where you're supposed to be. You're headed in the right direction. Trust that.

Sending you hugs, hope, peace, support & love from Texas.

alphaomega

I think a sister from another mista quoted Whitesnake once on her thread.

"I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been..."

Go on with your bad ass self !! Dodging deer and coyote and tumble weeds...

You. Amaze me.

XO AO

nomis

Haha, enjoy the Gold Trail Nu, I know those towns quite well and have stayed in or been through all of the them. Hope your not going to "Burn" any "Lakes".

Nuudawn

LOL. AO...I actually watched the 2006 Live from London ..David Coverdale vid on that just last night!!! And he still did the tune justice!

Been my theme song a long damn time.

Nuudawn

No..just had a "chat" with the "wind" Nom.

Twofish

Dear Nuu,
It's been a while and I've thought of you and where life has brought us...
Please be safe in your journey...you kind soul...
We are with you, a few thousand SR family members, ya can't be alone for too
long with us supporting and caring about you!
Until tomorrow breaks girl!
TF

mecanix

Nu,
For me the attitude of gratitude would be helpful with the above . My thinking often goes along the path of i'm a 40 year old man, washed up old drunk, this hard used old husk of flesh and bones , trying to live sober .. , love came into my life … stayed for a while … How lucky am i ?

One day all too soon ( even if i'm lucky and get another 40 years) i shall be dead .. what a stunningly beautiful thing to have happened . Maybe it will happen again ?

We never know whats round the corner next .. keep on

Bon voyage , m

Nuudawn

Thanks Mecanix. Completely understand your perspective..and am grateful for it. I feel like I'm in some sort of "rapid cycling" mood machine. I found it most odd..as I say..when I indeed found much to be grateful for...this adventure itself actually. I had a rather "spiritual" moment on the highway when the big fat flakes of snow were cascading before my headlights. As I say, I was unnerved by the thought of springing animals and in a dark unknown land cruising into my unknown future.

I have a "recovery" song that is very meaningful for me. It occurred to me in a spiritual sense back in January 2013 whilst running by the ocean..

So there I was clenching the steering wheel...staring at the bombardment of snowflakes before me... And then in stereo I hear this oh so familiar tune...

Hold on to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble—it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home

Suddenly...everything was alright.

I'm thinking tomorrow will be a much easier day in my head.

Thanks all.

Verte

Thinking of you, my friend! Looking forward to reading more notes of your progress. Big warm hugs to you.

Aellyce

Hello girlfriend

I'm doing something a little similar to you: got away from the city for a couple days... not far, just to be in a different environment and alone. Of course alone in my head is not always the best place to be. I try to meditate, read, stay away from work, not do much, and just relax.

In the past, I was always so excited before a move, while planning it, and then starting new things at a new place. I have not felt the need to move on geographically to generate change for a long time now, but just recently I have had these vague, undefined melancholy feelings that something is missing from my life and I don't know how and where to search for it anymore. I have known for a long time that I should give up on this illusion, but the feeling still haunts me every now and then, and then I mentally project things onto the feeling about what it is that I long for... and sometimes, recently, I have felt again (as so many times earlier in my life) that progression is nothing but an illusion, and I'm further away from where I want to than anytime before in my life... and then it can spiral into really dark moods. I know and understand perfectly well that this thought process about "looking for something" in a misty future is totally useless, but the feeling still comes at times. Sometimes I feel like a hopeless romantic, really. Me and my cycles of existential angst...
And then it lifts as if it never existed. Moods...

I like the imagery of you driving off into the hazy unknown in the snow (I like winter).... But do keep coming back to share what you have found!

Nuudawn

Haennie...I am very glad to hear that you are taking yourself on a little "breakaway". Words cannot express how spiritual and well..almost "medative" (red line..not a word or spelling?) simply the driving..and "alone space" I feel privileged to experience.

My drive today was through some breathtaking scenery..and there was sunshine throwing diamonds off the snow in certain moments. I have my old enormous binder of CD's providing soundtrack when I tired of my nouveau IPOD playlists..lol.

That binder has been amazing. I will grab some random old CD and will discover some long forgotten gem of a tune ..or in a few instances some sort of "b side" selection I never noticed before that is suddenly..perfect for my emotional experience. Often I have shaken my head (and maybe given an "oh really??" glance to the heaven's).

Today was a grand day of processing.
Although there was a tune on my IPOD playlist that hit my heart like it never had before..until today. I don't think I even understood the song..lol...until today. And ya..I cried. I'm on some sort of limited internet access at this gorgeous Northern lodge I'm staying in so can't open another window...

But ..Haennie...my fellow romantic...please watch\listen "Highway Don't Care" by Tim McGraw/Taylor Swift. Ya ya ya...I started to cry...cuz the cell phone ."was shotgun" and I had just been talking to God lol (well..if ya want to).

(Oh! Here it is.. http://youtu.be/KmxaY_OVvWA

Venecia

Continued safe travels, Nuu.

I rather envy you on the open road. (Well, except for the dark, snowy stretches with the wild animals part.)

Ptcapote

Just stopping by to say continue to travel safe and keep posting when you can. As Alpha said, you are one beautiful person/soul and, like the rest, I stand in awe of your bravery. And your honesty. I also find travel to be the best balm for a sore and weary soul, may it fill in all the cracks and worn patches with love and awe on your journey too. Thinking of you and keeping you close to my heart, as always. Forward

Nuudawn

Thank you Pt..you're the words of your heart always missile right into mine. And yes Venecia..just what the doctor ordered.

Verte

Hey Nuu, thanks for your sweet words on my tearful thread. Did you read that I am going to do some driving myself? Totally inspired.

And yeah, it is amazing how many self-help books I could read with a glass of wine in my hand. And I cannot remember a darn thing.

Hope you are having a great night, Beautiful Lady.

Nuudawn

No..I missed that. Where ya going? Ya know...when I sobered up last year. I actually wrote down "go for a drive" as a coping mechanism to enlist rather than have a drink.

I just remembered that. I don't know if I ever employed it..but I know I wrote it down.

And right back at ya beautiful lady.