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Old 11-02-2014, 08:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Don't know what to do


I just don't know.....my nephew who lives so far away is on heroine. I've tried to tell him to stay at the hospital where he is now and wait till monday when his social worker comes to help him. He told me he hates multiple times then he says he loves. My sister said don't let him USE YOU. I'm the weak one in the family. He already asked his grandmother for 300 because he said he was home less. Needless to say I"m sure it was for the drugs. He has called multiple times collect wanting me to help him and get him out of the hospital to go to a shelter. I told him no but to stay there. He got mad and said fine you don't want to help me, I will just pan handle - he lives in AK. I've talked to a good friend and she said - it's his choice and it boils down to be tough love. I take care of my 87 year old mother who is a widow and I don't want her to get upset over this. I've talked to her and said if he does the drugs again mom - it's his choice. No one forced him or nothing. She doesn't know whats going on....
Please! Please! For those who have gone through this please let me know what to do. I practically raised him and it's tearing me apart. I am having panic attacks, can't stop crying.....

Thank you!
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Old 11-02-2014, 08:43 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello so sorry this is happening but untill he realises and chooses to do something about this then all attempts are futile we have a friends & family section but im sure somebody in newcomers will be able to advise

So sorry
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Old 11-02-2014, 08:55 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I hate to say it, but you're friend is right. I would not send him money, but maybe a care package with food, blankets, winter clothing. Tell him you love him, but most importantly, take care of yourself.

I've had numerous junkie friends. There is no reasoning with them. If he wants to use he will use. Even if he doesn't want to use he will likely use unless he gets help and takes it seriously. He will make his choices until he either cleans out or dies. I've lost friends who overdosed, and I know people who got clean. That is the honest and harsh truth.

Breathe. It is what it is. Talk to a counselor for yourself, for your anxiety, and for your panic attacks. You feel helpless and it is out of your hands.
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Old 11-02-2014, 09:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I really don't have any experience of this, but wanted to let you know, that i'm thinking of you. Please keep posting and take good care of yourself x
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Old 11-02-2014, 09:15 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I have a stepson who was on heroin. I don't know all the details because he keeps them to himself. But there was a point where he was essentially homeless, running with a crowd of people who lived in motels off and on. I don't know how he survived. We refused to give him money or rides anymore. He ended up in a shelter here in AZ. He finally got clean. He then moved into a sober living home with other addicts. He then became manager of the sober house. He is an active member of Heroin Anonymous. He chairs meetings, he works a full time job, he saved up and bought a car, he is paying his legal fees, he is saving up to get his own place to live. I believe he has about 16 months clean now. It's been an amazing transformation, and my trust in him is rebuilding from zero to about 90% at this point.

It can be done, people can hit the lowest of lows, end up sick or in jail or homeless, but if they want to live they figure out a way to do it. I hope your nephew turns around. He has to do it himself and want it badly enough to make it happen. It is heartbreaking to watch a young person fall apart. But don't enable him. Don't help him financially unless you are SURE he is totally clean. You can't help feed that heroin monster. Don't listen to the b.s. that comes from an active users mouth. They will throw anything they can think of to get pity and access to the ONE thing that brings them comfort, and that's a shot.
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Old 11-02-2014, 12:55 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Hi, Alwaysthere, I feel for you, what a sad situation. My nephew was on heroin too, sadly he did not make it.

There is a friends and family board here ,there may be people going through similar experiences there.

The advice already given to you is good advice.

He will say many things to upset you but try and remember that this is his addiction speaking, and not him.

If you can, get some emotional distance between yourself and him, as hard as that may be. The trouble with addicts is that everyone around them suffers too.

It is a terrible thing, but you cannot help him -only he can do that. As Paloverde and Zero said, it is down to him

x
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm sorry this is so difficult for you and your family.

I hope that your nephew will make a choice to get help for himself and stick with it.

We do have a forum for Friends & Families on this board.
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:36 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I know everybody is telling me to take care of myself - I"m slowly starting to do this now. Thank God I do have a friend who is a counselor and I will be calling her tomorrow. She herself, had the same issue except her daughter was an alcoholic. She is now clean and hasn't had a drink in one year! And she is getting her degree in Psychology just like her mother.

Thank you all who are sharing your thoughts! It seems I have an extended friends and family now who understands! God Bless you all!
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:40 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Anna, Even though I joined in '10 can you tell me where to go on this. I'm new to this site.

Thank you!!!♥
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Old 11-02-2014, 02:00 PM   #10 (permalink)
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alwaysthere4u you could click on anna's name and send her a message

just trying to help
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Old 11-02-2014, 02:05 PM   #11 (permalink)
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About halfway down the main index page is the Friends and Family forums. You'll get lots of support there.
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