I'm Sorry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
I'm Sorry
I drank tonight. It was quite conscious. I was with a group of friends at a Halloween costume party. I know I will not drink tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. After 57 days I will start again.
But I don't see this as a failure, in that it was quite conscious. I'm not saying it was good. And I don't expect any accolades.
I will start again immediately. I suspect it will be difficult to understand such a deliberate act.
It was deliberate.
I'm sorry.
But I don't see this as a failure, in that it was quite conscious. I'm not saying it was good. And I don't expect any accolades.
I will start again immediately. I suspect it will be difficult to understand such a deliberate act.
It was deliberate.
I'm sorry.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
The problem I had with doing that was it reinforced that dream I had to someday control my drinking.
The power of 'last time was ok', can lead to more McDonalds thinking... 'hey! you deserve a break today'
I'm glad nothing bad happened and I'm glad you're recommitting to sobriety, but don't underestimate this thing Razor...you don't control it, it controls you.
D
The power of 'last time was ok', can lead to more McDonalds thinking... 'hey! you deserve a break today'
I'm glad nothing bad happened and I'm glad you're recommitting to sobriety, but don't underestimate this thing Razor...you don't control it, it controls you.
D
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
With me for many years there was always one more excuse .
There will always be many reasons to keep on drinking but eventually the few but fundamental reasons to stop , stay stopped and never do it again won out .
One more month deliberating if it were a problem or not , one more week , one more day , one more minute ended up just being a continuation of my distress over my procrastination as the time of my life slipped by .
I was miserable with it in my life and i thought i'd be miserable without it , turns out i was wrong
Keep on , m
There will always be many reasons to keep on drinking but eventually the few but fundamental reasons to stop , stay stopped and never do it again won out .
One more month deliberating if it were a problem or not , one more week , one more day , one more minute ended up just being a continuation of my distress over my procrastination as the time of my life slipped by .
I was miserable with it in my life and i thought i'd be miserable without it , turns out i was wrong
Keep on , m
Be good to yourself x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by Dee74 
The problem I had with doing that was it reinforced that dream I had to someday control my drinking.
The power of 'last time was ok', can lead to more McDonalds thinking... 'hey! you deserve a break today'
I'm glad nothing bad happened and I'm glad you're recommitting to sobriety, but don't underestimate this thing Razor...you don't control it, it controls you.
D
The power of 'last time was ok', can lead to more McDonalds thinking... 'hey! you deserve a break today'
I'm glad nothing bad happened and I'm glad you're recommitting to sobriety, but don't underestimate this thing Razor...you don't control it, it controls you.
D
Thankful for this community
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by MavisTheFairy13
Hi Razor. Are you thinking you can moderate? Did you enjoy drinking?
Glad you are back and posting
Glad you are back and posting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by mecanix
With me for many years there was always one more excuse .
There will always be many reasons to keep on drinking but eventually the few but fundamental reasons to stop , stay stopped and never do it again won out .
One more month deliberating if it were a problem or not , one more week , one more day , one more minute ended up just being a continuation of my distress over my procrastination as the time of my life slipped by .
I was miserable with it in my life and i thought i'd be miserable without it , turns out i was wrong
Keep on , m
There will always be many reasons to keep on drinking but eventually the few but fundamental reasons to stop , stay stopped and never do it again won out .
One more month deliberating if it were a problem or not , one more week , one more day , one more minute ended up just being a continuation of my distress over my procrastination as the time of my life slipped by .
I was miserable with it in my life and i thought i'd be miserable without it , turns out i was wrong
Keep on , m
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Cambridge, MA
Posts: 48
Relapses happen. It's not like you only have 1 opportunity to get sober. Keep at it, and remember where drinking will lead you. In my case, it makes the negative feelings I try to escape from that much worse when I come to.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 129
Check out AVRT on the secular connections board. I have not had the goosebumps about anything until I've been studying and practicing this. Maybe it will make sense to you too?
By the way, I accept your apology but you didn't do anything to me/us. Why not turn that around and apologize to your beautiful body, cells and brain for pouring poison into it's system so it has to reset. Start seeing yourself as the beautiful person who deserves to have health and love and clarity. It's hard for our bodies to feel those positive things when trying to cast out the evils of alcoholic poisoning.
We all deserve sobriety - we are worth it.
By the way, I accept your apology but you didn't do anything to me/us. Why not turn that around and apologize to your beautiful body, cells and brain for pouring poison into it's system so it has to reset. Start seeing yourself as the beautiful person who deserves to have health and love and clarity. It's hard for our bodies to feel those positive things when trying to cast out the evils of alcoholic poisoning.
We all deserve sobriety - we are worth it.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by razor15
I drank tonight. It was quite conscious. I was with a group of friends at a Halloween costume party. I know I will not drink tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. After 57 days I will start again.
But I don't see this as a failure, in that it was quite conscious. I'm not saying it was good. And I don't expect any accolades.
I will start again immediately. I suspect it will be difficult to understand such a deliberate act.
It was deliberate.
I'm sorry.
But I don't see this as a failure, in that it was quite conscious. I'm not saying it was good. And I don't expect any accolades.
I will start again immediately. I suspect it will be difficult to understand such a deliberate act.
It was deliberate.
I'm sorry.
Since it was conscious decision it appears you really are not committed to the willingness of attempting long term sobriety??! What about Thanksgiving and Christmas parties?? Will you make a decision to drink then as well???
Sobriety is a gift that may or may not ever be given again. I have learned from others and have witnessed with my own eyes the death and despair from those who believe they may open the gift anytime.
It is your life and your journey my friend.....
Wish you the best of luck!!
fly
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Hi razor; sorry you slipped but glad you have recommitted to sobriety.
I don't understand how "consciousness" in your decision to drink makes the decision to drink or the act of drinking any less significant - maybe I am just not awake yet.
As alcoholics, our commitment to sobriety needs to be rock-solid; life will continue to be life and throw stuff at us; if our commitment has wavered we will find it difficult to meet life's challenges without drinking.
Glad you are back, razor.
I don't understand how "consciousness" in your decision to drink makes the decision to drink or the act of drinking any less significant - maybe I am just not awake yet.
As alcoholics, our commitment to sobriety needs to be rock-solid; life will continue to be life and throw stuff at us; if our commitment has wavered we will find it difficult to meet life's challenges without drinking.
Glad you are back, razor.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 226
Hey Razor - hang in there and stick with it. Many of us have been through the same thing.
Think you would have drank had you not attended the party? Maybe think about making changes in the active environments you place yourself.
Get back on your horse and ride.
Think you would have drank had you not attended the party? Maybe think about making changes in the active environments you place yourself.
Get back on your horse and ride.
Thankful for this community
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
Originally Posted by gippy1968
Hey Razor - hang in there and stick with it. Many of us have been through the same thing.
Think you would have drank had you not attended the party? Maybe think about making changes in the active environments you place yourself.
Get back on your horse and ride.
Think you would have drank had you not attended the party? Maybe think about making changes in the active environments you place yourself.
Get back on your horse and ride.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by gippy1968
Hey Razor - hang in there and stick with it. Many of us have been through the same thing. Think you would have drank had you not attended the party? Maybe think about making changes in the active environments you place yourself. Get back on your horse and ride.
Anyway, for now I'm sticking to sober places. Too tempting! Don't beat yourself up. You can't change the past and neither can I but our future is bright if we stay sober and so is mine! We can do this! Xo
You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,791
Been there. I ditched several months of sobriety for a bachelor party once. Thought I wouldn't have any fun otherwise. I was passed out drunk in a bedroom after two hours, I don't recall having any fun. There's no vacation from sobriety, the sobriety IS the permanent vacation from misery. Perhaps skip the parties for as long as you need to, many take quite a while away before they can enjoy a sober social life.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Razor read this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-positive.html
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Razor.
When I got sober following my relapse, I was about nine-and-a-half weeks sober on Halloween, a little more than three years ago. It was no surprise to me that no one invited me to a party, but I most certainly would have been drinking had I gone to one, and I would have known well in advance that I'd be drinking. This was true for me for at least my first year. I knew it, and I never placed myself in danger despite my daily intense cravings.
I had made a commitment not to drink no matter what, and that first year was nothing but hard work. Turns out it was a great foundation for what followed, now that I'm living a much better life. And that was my leap of faith in early sobriety...that there was a much better way for me.
How long before you went to the party did you decide that you'd be drinking? It may be helpful for you to give this an honest appraisal as well as reflecting on the thought processes that accompanied your decision.
When I got sober following my relapse, I was about nine-and-a-half weeks sober on Halloween, a little more than three years ago. It was no surprise to me that no one invited me to a party, but I most certainly would have been drinking had I gone to one, and I would have known well in advance that I'd be drinking. This was true for me for at least my first year. I knew it, and I never placed myself in danger despite my daily intense cravings.
I had made a commitment not to drink no matter what, and that first year was nothing but hard work. Turns out it was a great foundation for what followed, now that I'm living a much better life. And that was my leap of faith in early sobriety...that there was a much better way for me.
How long before you went to the party did you decide that you'd be drinking? It may be helpful for you to give this an honest appraisal as well as reflecting on the thought processes that accompanied your decision.
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