I need to stop this madness !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
I need to stop this madness !
Hello, new here. Not sure where to start, other than have another hangover this morning and have had enough of this insanity !! At least I am praying this time that I have anyway. I had 13 years of sobriety, then in 2005, in West Africa of all places, stepped right out of the wagon. Been trying to drink "normally" ever since. Sometimes it seems like I have it under control, but I know just around the corner is my next potential drinking episode and increasingly likely disaster. Wife doesn't see too much of my drinking as I hide some of it and travel for business where a lot of my drinking takes place. Hoping this reach out will be a re-start to a new beginning - PLEASE !!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
Welcome Houmjm. If you want to stop, you're at the right place. It can be tough getting off the roller coaster, but you did it once before, so I'm sure you can do it again.
Did you use AA or some other self-help group during your previous 13 years of sobriety? My advice would be come up with a plan and then work it.
Did you use AA or some other self-help group during your previous 13 years of sobriety? My advice would be come up with a plan and then work it.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Welcome, HOUMJM, to SR. Wow; thirteen years of sobriety is very impressive. The next 13+++++ can be even more impressive.
You can do this; you have proof. How did you achieve sobriety last time?????
Again, welcome; glad you found this site.
You can do this; you have proof. How did you achieve sobriety last time?????
Again, welcome; glad you found this site.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
Yes, day 1 today. Have had a few "day 1's" though so am trying to do something different this time - like finding this site. Never tried this type of online forum participation before. Feeling encouraged anyway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 169
FeenixxRising, many thanks for your reply. Yes, this roller coaster is becoming less manageable, and just sick & tired of it. I was first introduced to AA via a voluntary incarceration in a midwest state treatment facility in 1987. Then finished college sober, got a decent career going, had a few mishaps, got re-sober in early 83, and then built a pretty good life over next 12-13 years. Got married in 2000, all was good. gradualy stopped going to AA meetings, which I knew was a little dangerous, and sure enough on a business trip to Africa, just decided one night to drink. Stupid. Trying to fgind my way back ever since. I am definitely and alcoholic - not matter how many times I've tried to spin-it in my various self denials
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 118
Welcome! I personally don't put much value in counting days. As the saying goes... Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift... That's why they call it 'the present'! Forget about last night... Don't worry about tomorrow... Just focus on not drinking today, and you will be fine!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 109
Here's something you already know ...
If you were 100% honest with your wife about all this and started attending meetings again and were 100% honest there. Then, you are doing what you probably should. given what you have said so far, I think you know this might be one possible course to take.
Of course no one but you (and God) really knows what you should do, but given your history, it seems what others in meetings would tell you, and like I said, what you already know.
I'm honestly not trying to tell you what to do - just guessing that this is what your past program mentality and sponsor night have said.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
If you were 100% honest with your wife about all this and started attending meetings again and were 100% honest there. Then, you are doing what you probably should. given what you have said so far, I think you know this might be one possible course to take.
Of course no one but you (and God) really knows what you should do, but given your history, it seems what others in meetings would tell you, and like I said, what you already know.
I'm honestly not trying to tell you what to do - just guessing that this is what your past program mentality and sponsor night have said.
You are in my thoughts and prayers!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I also had nearly two decades sober, then drank again in 2007 when all my family had died (individually - over a period of a few years), and I had just finished treatment for a life threatening illness. Then I lost my job and half my savings in the economic recession, then my best friend of twenty years had a breakdown and I stopped my relationship with her - then I broke up with my boyfriend and my cat died. Really? What next? 
I drank for seven years. For the first three/four years I kept it to a couple a day, sometimes three. Then it took over. By 2013 I was looking for a way out and looking for my next drink at the same time. The month before I quit, I found myself opening a beer at 6AM. Hmmm...
I'm eight months back to sobriety. Life is better, much better. I have hope now.
You can do it, too. Today's the day.
I drank for seven years. For the first three/four years I kept it to a couple a day, sometimes three. Then it took over. By 2013 I was looking for a way out and looking for my next drink at the same time. The month before I quit, I found myself opening a beer at 6AM. Hmmm...
I'm eight months back to sobriety. Life is better, much better. I have hope now.
You can do it, too. Today's the day.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I can't tell you how many days I got up and said, "I've had enough--at least, I pray I have."
Praying, without any ACTION, never did me a lick of good.
Reaching out is a good first step. How about taking the next one--a safe detox, getting rid of any alcohol in the house, having a serious conversation with your wife, attending AA or some other in-person recovery group? Things like that got me off the musing, feeling-sorry-for-myself floundering around that I would otherwise have done. I did concrete things, every day, to support my commitment.
I recently celebrated six years sober. I've got a lot of friends who "went back out" after several years of sobriety, and they all say it was harder than, and different from, the first time.
Praying, without any ACTION, never did me a lick of good.
Reaching out is a good first step. How about taking the next one--a safe detox, getting rid of any alcohol in the house, having a serious conversation with your wife, attending AA or some other in-person recovery group? Things like that got me off the musing, feeling-sorry-for-myself floundering around that I would otherwise have done. I did concrete things, every day, to support my commitment.
I recently celebrated six years sober. I've got a lot of friends who "went back out" after several years of sobriety, and they all say it was harder than, and different from, the first time.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by HOUMJM 
Thank You BB. I am tired of being a scout for all you sober people - coming back in with a butt full of arrows is getting old quickly now. Thanks for your encouragement !
Maybe some truth to what some have said?
Many of us aren't into staying in the problem. We prefer solutions and talking about them.
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