Never expected sobriety to be this lonely....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 23
Never expected sobriety to be this lonely....
Being sober sucks. Right now anyways. I'm on day 54. As a 22 year old, I'm surrounded by people who party and drink. Pretty much all of my friends do. In fact, it's Halloween Night and literally at this moment, all of my friends are out drinking and having fun. While I'm staying home, and I was so sick of not being understood by anyone around me that I came across this website just to meet more people hopefully my age, like me. No one told me being sober was going to be this hard. I mean, really. You all probably already know this. I'm still new to this and I can say it's the hardest thing I've had to do. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't go back, ever. Sometimes I miss drinking so much it hurts. I feel sad, almost grieving that part of me, grieving the alcohol, grieving the "fun" me. I feel so boring and lonely now. I know it's just a matter of time and finding new people to hang out with and new activities to do. I'm going to have to get to know myself again, find out things I like to do for fun that are sober, find out what i REALLY like to do. But seriously, sobriety is so lonely at times, isn't it? I feel like i have to let down so many people, constantly saying "no" to everything, even though, believe me, i want to go. Badly. Ahhh... Hoping maybe one person who understands can read this so I don't feel as alone /: Thanks for hearing me out......
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Boston, MA.
Posts: 1,756
Originally Posted by alaek 
Being sober sucks. Right now anyways. I'm on day 54. As a 22 year old, I'm surrounded by people who party and drink. Pretty much all of my friends do. In fact, it's Halloween Night and literally at this moment, all of my friends are out drinking and having fun. While I'm staying home, and I was so sick of not being understood by anyone around me that I came across this website just to meet more people hopefully my age, like me. No one told me being sober was going to be this hard. I mean, really. You all probably already know this. I'm still new to this and I can say it's the hardest thing I've had to do. But at the end of the day, I wouldn't go back, ever. Sometimes I miss drinking so much it hurts. I feel sad, almost grieving that part of me, grieving the alcohol, grieving the "fun" me. I feel so boring and lonely now. I know it's just a matter of time and finding new people to hang out with and new activities to do. I'm going to have to get to know myself again, find out things I like to do for fun that are sober, find out what i REALLY like to do. But seriously, sobriety is so lonely at times, isn't it? I feel like i have to let down so many people, constantly saying "no" to everything, even though, believe me, i want to go. Badly. Ahhh... Hoping maybe one person who understands can read this so I don't feel as alone /: Thanks for hearing me out......
Dennis
Sent from my SHIELD Tablet using Sober Recovery
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, alaek! Good to have you with us. I know it's pretty hard when you first get sober. It does feel like everything in the world revolves around drinking. But there's a whole world of people out there that don't drink. You might try social groups that revolve around an interest you have. It could be gaming, hiking, etc.
It will get better! Hang in there.
It will get better! Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and congratulations with you’re almost 2 months sober. There is much to offer on this site support and suggestion wise.
Way back before the internet I needed AA to get and stay sober with the support of understanding people face to face.
There is a tendency for alcoholics to want to do things their way which usually leads back to the misery of drinking.
We have a progressive disease that is Powerful, cunning and baffling and wants us to continue drinking and forget the misery it promoted.
As far as you’re not drinking concerns it’s usually suggested to stay away from drinking situations until we are strong enough to handle it, and that may be awhile.
Long term sobriety requires we get honest with our self about our drinking and accept the fact we can’t drink in safety. Then we need to start to work and change who we were when we were drinking.
I’m sure there will be posts about being bored, like being grateful etc.
BE WELL
Way back before the internet I needed AA to get and stay sober with the support of understanding people face to face.
There is a tendency for alcoholics to want to do things their way which usually leads back to the misery of drinking.
We have a progressive disease that is Powerful, cunning and baffling and wants us to continue drinking and forget the misery it promoted.
As far as you’re not drinking concerns it’s usually suggested to stay away from drinking situations until we are strong enough to handle it, and that may be awhile.
Long term sobriety requires we get honest with our self about our drinking and accept the fact we can’t drink in safety. Then we need to start to work and change who we were when we were drinking.
I’m sure there will be posts about being bored, like being grateful etc.
BE WELL
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
Hi Alaek and welcome! It is hard at first because everything changes, as you're seeing. I like the suggestion above, what did you like before drinking? Try to get into that again. You're going to discover that your definition of fun is going to change, and it's great. It really is. Instead of going out drinking with friends, you can go to movies, museums, workout, sports things, shows, etc. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Alaek, research shows 30% of people do not drink at a all. Another 30 2 glasses a day, another 30 3 glasses, the last 10% averages 78 drinks a week. They are responsible for 60% of all liquor sales. We are a minority, you are young. Be proud of your decision, you are not a sober victim. You will find others with the same high self esteem you have. It is just new, keep the faith. You will be happy not to have to do this again after several failed drunken marriages, followed by messy divorces, followed by lost jobs, and possibly homelessness. Read these stories, alcoholism is progressive, stopping in your early 20's put you ahead of all us old farts! Good for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I can only imagine.
The reason I can only imagine is that I didn't have the willingness or the strength to accept and choose another path at 22.
It took me nearly 20 years beyond that point to finally accept that I was living a terrible, tragic life relative to what it's really meant to be.
At 22, I was also surrounded. Surrounded by drink and drugs and it seemed everywhere I looked that was the case. Even in my 40s, I can look around me in my community and in the world and see ample evidence that I am "All Alone" in my choice of sobriety.
But... the truth is; there are many who walk this path. Even at 22. It will take some time and adjustment and I SO deeply understand how it can feel lonesome and isolating. But there is a whole rich, meaningful, wonderful world out there that doesn't revolve around pouring poison into our bodies. There are incredible people who do incredible things and - AMAZINGLY - they do them without being drunk.
It takes a while to really shake off the haze and start to see this. The chemical balance in our brains, the addicted self, all take time to leave behind so that we can begin to clearly see. But trust me, it happens and oh.... OH my GOD.... to be gifted with the ability to see this at 22 instead of 40!!!!
You have a tremendous opportunity before you. It is the chance to give yourself the gift of your life. Literally.
Be strong, keep posting here, try new things that don't involve being drunk, drinking, drugging or being around people who are. Even if your heart's not in it right now... just do those things. Try new stuff. Even if it's just going to the library to look up some topic you've always been interested in and read about it. Sure; still solitary, but new and sober and interesting. Go to a coffee house and just read a book and say hello to people. Get out of your house and out of yourself. Look up some community outreach classes. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Just DO new stuff and shake up your life and expose yourself to other situations where people are not drinking. You'll begin to see how much there really is. You'll begin to meet others who don't build their life around toxins. You'll make connections. You'll stimulate new thinking and you'll build a foundation of awareness that will help you shift from feeling isolated, alone and missing out - to feeling blessed and excited and amazed and GRATEFUL.
Don't give up.... you will be amazed.
The reason I can only imagine is that I didn't have the willingness or the strength to accept and choose another path at 22.
It took me nearly 20 years beyond that point to finally accept that I was living a terrible, tragic life relative to what it's really meant to be.
At 22, I was also surrounded. Surrounded by drink and drugs and it seemed everywhere I looked that was the case. Even in my 40s, I can look around me in my community and in the world and see ample evidence that I am "All Alone" in my choice of sobriety.
But... the truth is; there are many who walk this path. Even at 22. It will take some time and adjustment and I SO deeply understand how it can feel lonesome and isolating. But there is a whole rich, meaningful, wonderful world out there that doesn't revolve around pouring poison into our bodies. There are incredible people who do incredible things and - AMAZINGLY - they do them without being drunk.
It takes a while to really shake off the haze and start to see this. The chemical balance in our brains, the addicted self, all take time to leave behind so that we can begin to clearly see. But trust me, it happens and oh.... OH my GOD.... to be gifted with the ability to see this at 22 instead of 40!!!!
You have a tremendous opportunity before you. It is the chance to give yourself the gift of your life. Literally.
Be strong, keep posting here, try new things that don't involve being drunk, drinking, drugging or being around people who are. Even if your heart's not in it right now... just do those things. Try new stuff. Even if it's just going to the library to look up some topic you've always been interested in and read about it. Sure; still solitary, but new and sober and interesting. Go to a coffee house and just read a book and say hello to people. Get out of your house and out of yourself. Look up some community outreach classes. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Just DO new stuff and shake up your life and expose yourself to other situations where people are not drinking. You'll begin to see how much there really is. You'll begin to meet others who don't build their life around toxins. You'll make connections. You'll stimulate new thinking and you'll build a foundation of awareness that will help you shift from feeling isolated, alone and missing out - to feeling blessed and excited and amazed and GRATEFUL.
Don't give up.... you will be amazed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
Welcome Alaek! Even though I am a 50 yr old fart, I understand this. When I was 22, everyone I knew was hanging around in bars too. Believe it or not, there are people out there who don't drink. You just need to find them. What hobbies do you have? What are you interested in? I find that volunteering is a good way to meet people in a sober environment. For instance, my family volunteers at the local animal shelter. Try to find something you like and dive right in.
I am sure there are some younger people on here as well. And at least some of us old farts can keep you company while you are forging your way to a sober life.
Congrats on 54 days!
I am sure there are some younger people on here as well. And at least some of us old farts can keep you company while you are forging your way to a sober life.
Congrats on 54 days!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
In short i felt that way at that time in my sobriety i just want to let you know that in time your going to start feeling a lot better and meet ppl and not be so lonely
so hang in there if you wanna chat send a pm your not alone and nor should you be because you have a tokn of friends here at SR
so hang in there if you wanna chat send a pm your not alone and nor should you be because you have a tokn of friends here at SR
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi alaek 
when I quit all my mates were drinkers and all my fun had been connected to drinking for several decades.
It took me a little time to relearn how to socialise without drinking, how to have fun without drinking and how to meet new friends without drinking....but I did.
Think about your hobbies and interests or things you'd like to do...thats a good way to meet like minded people.
It might seem like everyone drinks but that's just not true - sometimes tho you have to look a little harder to find these people because they're generally not in the places drinkers are
D
when I quit all my mates were drinkers and all my fun had been connected to drinking for several decades.
It took me a little time to relearn how to socialise without drinking, how to have fun without drinking and how to meet new friends without drinking....but I did.
Think about your hobbies and interests or things you'd like to do...thats a good way to meet like minded people.
It might seem like everyone drinks but that's just not true - sometimes tho you have to look a little harder to find these people because they're generally not in the places drinkers are
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Congratulations on being so wise at such a young age. If you can stay with it, you will not waste many years of precious life as so many of us did. In the beginning, sobriety can be a lonely place. I know it was for me. But then something happened at about 4 months. I guess I got bored and started to branch out and get more active. I started doing some volunteer work on weekends, signed up for a half marathon, took my dog to a class. As a result, I met some new friends and came out of the isolation I was content with while drinking. There are plenty of great people out there who are more into having active fun than drinking. And having fun with no hangovers ever...is the absolute best! Hang in there aleak...get active doing things you would enjoy without the booze and you will reap the rewards.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by sprout50
Uh oh. What nerve did I hit?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
It's really just about changing your perspective.
As others have said, you can find lots of people who don't drink and lots of activities that don't involve alcohol. Good for you for deciding to live sober.
As others have said, you can find lots of people who don't drink and lots of activities that don't involve alcohol. Good for you for deciding to live sober.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I didn't start drinking until I was 23, so maybe I can help. I used to commit to doing different types of activities such as volleyball, ran, and did lots of activities including different clubs. Maybe you can change up what you're doing so alcohol isn't missed at all?
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