i am so scared.
Ahhhhhh the drinking. Day four. This is my last day counting days, don't have enough grey matter for that. The night sweat Withdrawls continue, but I know that is about over. Way different waking up wet with sweat when it's 60 outside, than waking up wet and it is 12 degrees out there.
Thank you for your support. I'm just so dang sad. Im trying to process your advice but I am finding it all a bit overwhelming. Just tell me this....will I ever stop crying? How do you stop the tears? I love ya' bunches. Pam.
Thank you for your support. I'm just so dang sad. Im trying to process your advice but I am finding it all a bit overwhelming. Just tell me this....will I ever stop crying? How do you stop the tears? I love ya' bunches. Pam.
You will stop crying all the time, Pam. You will eventually reach acceptance and you will then just cope with what comes, and remember the good times you shared with your sister. Sometimes later on it will still make you sad but you will realize that your sister being gone is simply what IS. All of it will be easier with less or none alcohol overall. I didn't read that in a book, I've done it, and I know you enough to know you will too. It just takes time.
Raider-
I am so sorry for your pain, and your fear. While I cannot compare our situations, I can say this, I recently went through some stuff with my parents and the terror almost paralyzed me. I couldn't think straight, I felt so lost and I couldn't find a way around it. Then something I read came back to me- feelings cannot hurt me. Letting the fear go, the anxiety go was the best thing I could do. So I did. While I understood that it was a scary situation, and it could get very, very bad, being afraid did not make it better or worse. So I let it go. It was just a feeling. It had no power over me. I could handle whatever came my way more easily if I wasn't afraid. "It's just a feeling" became my mantra, until the power of the fear let go of me.
I wish the best for you, and am so sorry for the loss of your sister.
I am so sorry for your pain, and your fear. While I cannot compare our situations, I can say this, I recently went through some stuff with my parents and the terror almost paralyzed me. I couldn't think straight, I felt so lost and I couldn't find a way around it. Then something I read came back to me- feelings cannot hurt me. Letting the fear go, the anxiety go was the best thing I could do. So I did. While I understood that it was a scary situation, and it could get very, very bad, being afraid did not make it better or worse. So I let it go. It was just a feeling. It had no power over me. I could handle whatever came my way more easily if I wasn't afraid. "It's just a feeling" became my mantra, until the power of the fear let go of me.
I wish the best for you, and am so sorry for the loss of your sister.
The near constant crying will stop in time; personally, I think crying is therapeutic and, if the tears come, just let them be. Eventually, you will cry less and less but, even so, sometimes they will seem to come out of nowhere. In the beginning grief seems like one step forward followed by two or three steps backward. But I found that when those three steps backward occurred, it was easier to retrace those steps forward. Grief is a process and one that has to be 'worked' through to achieve true healing.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Raider. I feel simply terrible that this has happened to you.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Raider. I feel simply terrible that this has happened to you.
Psalms 34:18; 9:9;119:50
Matthew 11:25-30
Matthew 5:4
Eccliastes 3:1-8
2 Cor 1:3-4
How To stop the tears: I think at this time it would be wise to let them happen. Feel
the grief. Go through it.
Raider I'm praying for you and hope you look into some support either from an online grief forum or even from your church. It helped me tremendously to be with/ hear from people going through it or who had gone through it.
Have a friend that, after my mom died, found out she was her mothers caregiver for a very long time as was I. Pretty wild how I would talk to her about stuff that was buggerin me up through the grieving process- the stuff going on in my melon- and she would share experiences of her grieving process with almost identical thinking.
Wild thing? Just hearing someone who had experienced similar stuff helped ease the pain.
Matthew 11:25-30
Matthew 5:4
Eccliastes 3:1-8
2 Cor 1:3-4
How To stop the tears: I think at this time it would be wise to let them happen. Feel
the grief. Go through it.
Raider I'm praying for you and hope you look into some support either from an online grief forum or even from your church. It helped me tremendously to be with/ hear from people going through it or who had gone through it.
Have a friend that, after my mom died, found out she was her mothers caregiver for a very long time as was I. Pretty wild how I would talk to her about stuff that was buggerin me up through the grieving process- the stuff going on in my melon- and she would share experiences of her grieving process with almost identical thinking.
Wild thing? Just hearing someone who had experienced similar stuff helped ease the pain.
I don't know any way to hurry grief.....you just have to go through it. I am so very sorry about the loss of your sister and the worry you have for your parents. One of my sisters has a serious disease and I worry about something happening to her, just can't imagine how it must feel.
I just returned from a week with my Dad, who's health is failing. I'm retiring this year, probably earlier than I should, but I want to have more time for family......I won't have any regrets. Hugs.
I just returned from a week with my Dad, who's health is failing. I'm retiring this year, probably earlier than I should, but I want to have more time for family......I won't have any regrets. Hugs.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
You know parts of my personal story. There is simply no way for us to prepare for sudden and catastrophic loss. If we're lucky, we don't have a suitable reference for such an experience.
Drinking only aborts our natural grieving process, spreading out the pain over an artificially extended period of time with varying intensity. It can leave us eternally on "Day 1" of grief.
Are you familiar with the Dickens classic, Great Expectations? Or the excellent 1946 film adaptation? At the end, Mrs. Havisham personifies the destructive potential of a stifled and incomplete grieving process. (Not a spoiler since the whole story tells the whole story.)
If you haven't seen it, check out the film. It's a great story from start to finish, and if nothing else will distract you for about two hours.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I posted bout this on another thread recently. I was at a recovery meeting after a really tough day on the emotional roller coaster. I had spent all morning crying uncontrollablly..adding insult to injury by berating and shaming myself for doing so...
I felt like a beach ball adrift on a stormy ocean...there felt like there was no way to stop the ...emoting. I went for a run..I posted here...I called people..
I was trying to END the emoting. Ever hear the ole term.."what you resist, persists"?
Anyhoo...I shared with a recovery friend (she's only been bout 8 or 9 months sober herself) about my exhaustion and confusion and perplexity and struggle regarding the roller coaster..how the hell do I get off?
What she said was like magic...she said.."I now put cravings and emotions in the same category. You will get through it. They will pass. You won't die".
I could wrap my brain around that. I could grab (read: clutch for dear life) onto that concept. It helped me make sense .for me.
You see..when I was on that emotional roller coaster..I was curiously devoid of cravings for my substances of alcohol or cigarettes (yet I suspect there WAS still something I was craving and not getting ).
Don't resist your grief...allow it. We are all here with you Pam. Hang on...ride it through. It's normal..it's better than normal
I felt like a beach ball adrift on a stormy ocean...there felt like there was no way to stop the ...emoting. I went for a run..I posted here...I called people..
I was trying to END the emoting. Ever hear the ole term.."what you resist, persists"?
Anyhoo...I shared with a recovery friend (she's only been bout 8 or 9 months sober herself) about my exhaustion and confusion and perplexity and struggle regarding the roller coaster..how the hell do I get off?
What she said was like magic...she said.."I now put cravings and emotions in the same category. You will get through it. They will pass. You won't die".
I could wrap my brain around that. I could grab (read: clutch for dear life) onto that concept. It helped me make sense .for me.
You see..when I was on that emotional roller coaster..I was curiously devoid of cravings for my substances of alcohol or cigarettes (yet I suspect there WAS still something I was craving and not getting ).
Don't resist your grief...allow it. We are all here with you Pam. Hang on...ride it through. It's normal..it's better than normal
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
(((Pam)))
I'm so sorry, my friend. These experiences are so terribly hard and messy at times, I totally understand you. I second what Nuudawn said above. Don't fight it. I do the same... try to fight some of my most powerful emotions, have done this in my whole life during certain periods... it never works really as far as truly feeling better, and sometimes it screws me up big time. Just had an episode like that this week, I was really out of my mind and paranoid, hysterical for two days at least, just up to yesterday. I went to the ER in the end because I could not bear it, and they really helped. And SR... I also had thoughts of drinking and a general feeling of "screw it all", but did not act on it, in those moments mostly because I knew getting drunk would most likely not kill me, but the guilt and shame afterward might...
One problem with treating sadness and depression with alcohol is that it only works for an hour or two, as you know... then everything gets much worse.
What you are feeling right now is not wrong. (Saying this to myself as well...) Don't drawn your real self, Pam. Come here and post as much as you want instead!
I'm so sorry, my friend. These experiences are so terribly hard and messy at times, I totally understand you. I second what Nuudawn said above. Don't fight it. I do the same... try to fight some of my most powerful emotions, have done this in my whole life during certain periods... it never works really as far as truly feeling better, and sometimes it screws me up big time. Just had an episode like that this week, I was really out of my mind and paranoid, hysterical for two days at least, just up to yesterday. I went to the ER in the end because I could not bear it, and they really helped. And SR... I also had thoughts of drinking and a general feeling of "screw it all", but did not act on it, in those moments mostly because I knew getting drunk would most likely not kill me, but the guilt and shame afterward might...
One problem with treating sadness and depression with alcohol is that it only works for an hour or two, as you know... then everything gets much worse.
What you are feeling right now is not wrong. (Saying this to myself as well...) Don't drawn your real self, Pam. Come here and post as much as you want instead!
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain, Pam.
Try to allow people to hug you and hold you in real life as much as you feel able. The fellowship of being among other people while I went through my process was invaluable to me...maybe when you are ready? Stay here on SR as often as you can. You are loved, known and appreciated.
Try to allow people to hug you and hold you in real life as much as you feel able. The fellowship of being among other people while I went through my process was invaluable to me...maybe when you are ready? Stay here on SR as often as you can. You are loved, known and appreciated.
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