Briar

That's what I told myself a hundred times tonight as I freaked out over carving pumpkins, cooking dinner, assembling costumes, taking pictures, chasing my 3 year old around the neighborhood, and doling out candy. I watched other parents walking around with cups in their hands. I know exactly what's in those cups. I had turned down an invitation from a coworker to walk with her family because she tried to entice me with "walk-tails." All the way through I felt bewildered, like it wasn't the same, and I didn't know how to do Halloween sober. I felt stressed out and deprived. I kept telling myself that holidays are always better sober when one is like me. I got mad that I'm the opposite of the general population who have better holidays with a buzz on. I wondered what it's like for them. But acceptance means I have to stop thinking that way. It's hard when I'm stressed and anxious to convince myself that even this very moment, as much as it sucks, is better sober. It's the opposite of what I've learned not just from my own twisted drinking history, but also from my culture. But it helped to say it like a mantra, it's always better sober. I know I will look back on tonight without guilt or shame. I know I will wake tomorrow grateful I didn't drink. It is better this way. Happy Halloween everyone!

Dee74

You will grow into a sober life Briar, and you will get to a point where you won't feel deprived any more.

I love being 'present' for everything - I'm sure you will too

D

clones2

I could have written that same post when i started to try to quit drinking. Asking myself the questions of how is it even possible to quit etc... Drinking with everything was just normal. But it gets better and a lot easier. And when people say it gets easier.... It truly does. It may seem a bit overwhelming...but keep at it. Nice work tonight on not drinking.

Briar

Thanks Dee. I hope I can learn how to deal with the things I'm going to be present for. Life is pretty intense when you can't escape from it. Even the good parts seem hard sometimes.

Dee74

I learned to keep a little bit of myself in reserve, just for me, just those days when things are rough...

and I learned about balance too - all or nothing is not always good when all means you're hurtling down the highway at 300 mph with no brakes..

I have things to do now that always de stress me and make me happy. I don't need those massive mood boosters I used to use now... Little things like talking a walk around the block or watching the sunset can be really reinvigorating mentally as well as physically.

instant

Based on what you have written I could be forgiven for thinking that such events were always and consistently happy for you.

I have found a freedom and contentment in sobriety I never had drinking. The "feeling" of 'missing out' is the addiction still being active- to listen to it puts you at risk.

To me acceptance does not mean stoping any part of my thinking- it means accepting my experience both pleasurable and unpleasant without judgement- it's a work in progress

Briar

Much of what you guys say about long term recovery is still theoretical to me. Tonight was an exercise in faith. Nice to know I am actually capable of faith, at least a little bit.

MelindaFlowers

Thank you for sharing Briar! I can relate. The sobriety cheerleading squad which has been visiting me lately is not here tonight. Feeling a little flat. I am glad that I won't have a hangover tomorrow though.

Daisyjo

I'm cheering for you Melinda and you too Briar. It would have been so easy to drink tonight. But you didn't and that is the best gift you can give to yourself. You rock! 9:30 pm rolled around and I found myself so happy to be clear in my head laying down next to my daughter as she fell asleep in a sugar induced coma. Each sober moment is my new drug.

MyTime86

We will get there. Remember no one would stay sober if it weren't a better life

Becky13

Sounds like we had eerily similar nights. I felt good in the end though. While the other parents stayed at the bonfire drinking, with their kids growing more and more tired and agitated, we walked home. As we were walking, I was so glad I hadn't drank. Got the kids in bed at a reasonable hour, feel great myself, and tomorrow will be a headache-free, well-rested morning.

You're doing a great job. It's a new reality, for sure, but the benefits are there at the end of the day. Keep on keeping on. You got this.

MavisTheFairy13

You did great! You will get past the deprived feeling. How good was it to wake up this morning and know you didn't drink! It surprises me that parents were walking round with drinks while taking their children trick or treating, that doesn't happen here in uk and we are a big drinking culture! You're doing amazingly. Reward yourself with nice treats, not alcohol

Nuudawn

Your thread title..."it's always better sober".

I read it and wholeheartedly thought to myself..

Ya it is.

Stay with it. You will be amazed...soon.

JanieJ

You ll be ok, Briar (((()))). You didn't drink ,you did great !

Soberwolf

You done great Briar each day is a small Miracle

Barnumb

Briar, substitute Florida for California and I lived your original post. I have been reading your posts and know this early sobriety has been hard for you. I am pretty sure, I was the only person of legal drinking age that was not drinking last night. I am also pretty sure I was the only one who noticed that fact. I am 34 days sober today and it does get better. In those 34 days, I had a birthday, traveled for pleasure and work, celebrated Halloween, went to an eric church concert (lots of drinking and singing about drinking) Halloween and spent some time at Disney with my kids 6 and 4. I guess what I am getting at is life goes on, sober or not. I prefer to remember these times with the kids. I am here to tell you it does get better, but it is up to you and only you to keep on task. I do wish you well in your sobriety.

luvmygirls

I can completely relate to your post, except for one thing: Rather than feeling like I was "missing out," I felt really stressed out by Halloween and desperately wanted something to deal with it. Neighborhood potluck, photos, kids running in 2 different directions to trick or treat, tons of people, my husband with his bonfire and beers, (he's not an alcoholic but it annoyed me because he's been out of town all week and relaxed with his iPad and Adirondack chair while I ran all over the neighborhood). Stress is my trigger, and it's brought on by situations like Halloween. Good for you for making it through. Faith is a good thing to have at the beginning. We can do this.

5KRunner

Hi Briar,

I walked my kids around the neighborhood and had a mug of my own in hand....full of delicious, piping hot, pumpkin spice coffee.

So maybe I appeared to "fit in" after all. Nobody had to know! Plus, I got to be sober and *really* truly savor the experience.

It can be tough sometimes, but it really is so much better.

SoberLeigh

These are early days, Briar; every new sober experience will, as Dee likes to say, help to "build those sober muscles". We have just have to keep experiencing the "newness"; eventually, sobriety will become second nature.

You are doing really well, Briar.

HeartsAfire

This is a really, really great post. You may not realize it, but you're getting it & you're growing in your sobriety.

Like Nu, I read the title of this post & thought, "Hell yeah it is. Thank you God."

I passed a few parents who reeked of alcohol last night & one who was even hiccuping & stumbled a bit. While I never actually drank while my kids trick-or-treated, I drank during most every other moment of their lives so yeah, there but for the grace of god & all...

I want to echo what Dee said about learning to calibrate & carve out time for you. I'm such an all or nothing at the speed of light kind of person (probably like most - busy moms especially). I used to think that doing things for me meant these grandiose, over-the-top events (a spa day, a pedicure, a girl's weekend, dinner, drinks & a concert, etc). As my sobriety is progressing, I'm learning that's not what time for me is about. That's all surface-y stuff. Know what I did for me yesterday? I had 2 preventative dr appts & I took a 30 min nap before the trick-or-treating. Then I had 2 pieces of pizza & a chocolate chip cookie. It was heaven & better than any day at the Red Door Salon. Elizabeth Arden's got nothing on me!!

Sobriety shows us it's the little things that make life worth living. You're getting that.

Pleased to be on this journey with you.