Kim1972

It seems that everyone on here can be entirely honest, which is fantastic bc not everyone has someone they can open up too. After my drunken episode Wed. night.....Thursday when I realized what an idiot I was, I took a bunch of medication trying to put myself out of my misery. Not sure I was actally trying to kill myself (maybe I was)....Just wanted it all to go away. Could this be why I always escape through the bottle??? I know it doesn't help, so why do I do it?????

SoberLeigh

Yes, you can be honest. I have found the members of SR to be very non- judgmental.

We do a lot of things while drunk that we wouldn't consider while sober.

I think many of us drank/drink to make it go away. Learning to deal with life in a healthy way is a huge part of maintaining sobriety; abstinence is just the beginning of and the catalyst in sobriety.

Embrace the journey, Kim; it was/is one of the most significant of my life's journeys.

Soberwolf

Kim have you spoken to a doctor ? would you pls make an apt and talk to a doc ?

airwick

We all react to things in different ways.

I am not qualified to tell you what to do with this feeling

But what I can do, and I will, is pray and give you the hope we all sometimes need to conquer the challenges that we are faced with.

Kim1972

Thank you Soberwolf, indeed I have been seeing a doctor for over a year......The problem isn't the doctor.......The problem is ME!!!!

MavisTheFairy13

Oh no did you go to hospital? Hope you are ok.
If you ever want to chat pm me

Anna

I think you should talk to your dr about the suicidal thoughts you are having.

Kim1972

Anna, It was only yesterday, I just felt so bad about myself as I am feeling like a big turd right now....But No suicidal thoughts at all.

JanieJ

We all do stupid things when drunk . Hope you are feeling more emotionally stable.

biminiblue

Please be careful. Taking medication while drinking could lead to death, regardless of whether it is planned or not. Many people have died doing this.

Sparkos

In the midst of addiction I think we are all in such a psychological turmoil that escape by any means can seem reasonable to us. "Just make the pain go away!!!!!"
Please look at this episode as a wake up call.
You know you don't want to end it all. Think of everybody you leave behind and the terrible anguish you will cause. I have been there myself and am speaking from personal experience (so no judgement), you are suffering and in pain. Reach out and help will come. Talk to a friend you can confide in. Talk to a professional Talk to us.
We are all here to help each other and to ask each other for help when we need it.
Addiction plays havoc with our minds and we all can be very fragile.
Take care of yourself.

Elodie

If it happened yesterday, it can happen again, though I sincerely hope it never happens again. Please talk to a doctor. If alcohol has been your coping mechanism for a while and you don't develop new ways to cope, things like this can happen again.

Please be safe.

EndGameNYC

There is virtually no way of knowing how many people have died by making a suicidal gesture who didn't truly intend to kill themselves. Suicide is no laughing matter, and needs to be addressed immediately.

Next time you're not sure about taking your life -- and, unless you get help, there will be a next time -- call 911.

Kim1972

Thank you all for your genuine concern. I am not suicidal, if so, I have enough medication to take care of that. I was feeling very hopeless, very worthless and I believe it may have been a cry for attention. I lost my Dad at a very young age and having an only child, I would NEVER put him through that because it's something you never recover from....Trust me, I believe that just may be the root of my problem. If I EVER become that way, You guys will be the First to know!!!! xoxoxox

Kim1972

Thanks JanieJ, you sound very supportive!!! That is needed in situations of emotion.....It was more a cry for help than a serious attempt. Thank you for not judgeing me

sprout50

No judgement here. The good thing is that you recognize what you have done and the feelings that brought you there. Definately talk to your Dr. but be vigilant now. Getting sober is the best thing you can do for yourself and we are here to support you.

Kim1972

Oh you just made me giggle for the first time in 2 days!!!!!! I so needed that

Michael66

Hey Kim. I'm really sorry to hear you felt so low. I'm rooting and praying for you. You are precious and important. Don't ever forget that (but please don't beat yourself up for finding yourself at such a low place).

Briar

Yes, you can be totally honest here, and I've found that you really must if you want to make progress. It's really about being honest with yourself so you can get feedback that really pinpoints the issues you need to address. I understand having suicidal thoughts and actions (including indirect ones) when you're drunk. I have a long-running record of journal entries in drunken scrawl about wanting to die, hoping I wouldn't wake up, wanting to save my family the burden, etc. I even have the starts of some suicide letters in there and lists of things to do first like stock the pantry and assemble a file of all the documents my husband would need. I felt like I was being proactive at the time and taking the necessary measures to end the pain for everyone. Other times I was simply careless and did dangerous things because I didn't care if I died. But I would never think or do those things when I'm sober. I bet you won't either. Stick around here.

Kim1972

Thanks for sharing that!!! It's way more common than ppl think. I'm so glad you toughed it out bc now you are here sharing and helping me