Thomasthetank

One of my former drinking friends came to me for help. He told me he was drinking over a bottle of whiskey a day and needed me to teach him how I did it.

I'll do my best, of course, but I think he's giving me too much credit, the way he was talking to me was like I had some secret to sobriety. I told him I'll be there for him if he needs to talk, give him some advice.

I don't think he's serious about quitting drinking.

Now I hope I'm wrong. But he mainly talked about how much he wanted to drink, not why he didn't want to drink.

I don't know the specifics, if he has cirrhosis or hepatitis, he just told me the doctors told him he would die if he kept on going. But it seems like he's scared and that's the only reason he's asking me.

Maybe I'm being negative, I can't fully explain it, it's less what he said and more the way he said it.

I directed him here, but he said he wasn't interested. I gave him numbers for (free) detox places and he said he'd rather taper off. Which in my experience is playing with fire.

He's me, a few years ago, saying the words but without conviction.

I feel like I've been put in a position of expertise when I don't have any.

I'll help any way I can, I'm just not sure I can.

No relapse, No Surrender.

Tom.

Dee74

Hi Tom

It's good you recognise that others may be in a better position to help him, if he wants it. I've been in similar situations and the friend thing almost always gets in the way.

D

Chiffon

Tom. It sounds like a lot of pressure on you, when you really don't need it.
I was going to suggest dragging him along to an AA meeting but if he won't even read SR, then I wouldn''t hold my breath for him going.

Please look after YOU and try not to let his situation get to you. As you know, only he, can take that first step and I agree, he just doesn't sound that ready to

MythOfSisyphus

We each have so much more power than we know, Tom. You don't have to be a sobriety Yoda to help! Sometimes you just have to listen and let them know you understand. That's kind of what we all do here for each other at SR.

Soberwolf

Ive helped a few but all i have done is given some numbers before

i wouldnt go no farther than that

your recovery has to be your work

Nowsthetime

Hola: I have experienced something similar. Friends kind of excusing their drinking or telling me they need to stop... Bla bla bla, that was me too. As we all know here: it's up to the person to the the work, not only talk about it. I'm glad that you did what you did but don't feel pressured, you can lead people to the water but you can't force them to drink it. You are doing great and people Re noticing. Good job Thomas, doesn't it feel great?!?!?!

sprout50

You can only do what you can do. Smart of you to recognize that he is the one who needs to take the steps necessary to help himself.

PurpleKnight

All we can do is point people in the right direction, to the wealth of resources available.

It's then up to each and every one of us to use those tools and make it happen in our own lives!!

Carlotta

Right there is your answer: he is not ready and still full of "yeah buts"
It is a telltale sign that he would not even be interested in checking out a free site on the internet.
You did your part and gave him the information. When alcohol has whooped him bad enough he might have a moment of clarity and use that info (and he knows where to find you). Save your energy to help the next person who might be ready and willing to quit.
Like we say in AA: you can carry the message but you can't carry the drunk.
My best friend is an alcoholic and a crack addict and I had to detach and come to terms that he does not want to quit and might never quit. I gave him the AA big book, offered to take him to meetings after many of his binges or disastrous consequences and he told me he does not like AA so I bought him the Rational Recovery book and it is collecting dust on his shelves somewhere.
It s sad to see people we care about destroy themselves especially when we ve been there and know how they feel