Serenidad

Hi guys,

I just want to thank you for all of your comments Saturday and Sunday. I have to admit I am full of shame and embarrassment. I want you to know I read ever single comment several times and got some great advice that I am putting into action. Thanks for taking the time to post and try to help!

I did "cave" and go to a bar/restaurant with my husband Saturday night after the soccer games and met up with all the team parents. I knew everyone was going and it just triggered me, I guess. I guess I didn't want to be the only one not going. (I know....excuses!) There was also a family member at the game that always triggers me so I need to keep my distance from them for a while. Going forward....I will NOT make this same mistake. I CANNOT be around alcohol AT ALL right now. I also need to do my best to avoid toxic people.

Needless to say, I felt pretty bad physically and emotionally yesterday. Today is day 2 again so I guess I have no choice but to just move forward. Beating myself up just makes everything worse. I started journaling yesterday and wrote down how bad I felt, wrote down why I dont want to drink anymore, why I want to stay sober etc. etc. When I felt bad emotionally and was beating myself up AGAIN this morning....I journaled again. I have never been a journaler, but I am going to try to keep doing it daily. It seems to help.

I re-read all of your comments several times and got some great advice!

Some of my favorites that I WILL use:

1. "Post on SR or call someone BEFORE you drink!"
2. "Do something "different" because whatever you have been doing is not working."
3. "If you know day 4 is going to be a problem (always is) then do day 4 different and come up with a NEW PLAN for that day."
4. "Come up with a plan or plans when cravings hit!" (I am going to journal about this and come up with a solid plan.)
5. "Just don't drink no matter what!"
6. "Stop counting the days! Just stay sober TODAY!"
7. "More AA!"
8. "Stop beating yourself up!"
9. "Don't drink on Day one and treat every day like Day one!" Genius!
10. "Don't go to a bar or a restaurant with a bar for a while until I get some sober time."
11. "Get into the solution"
12. "Start a new chapter to your story"
13. "Never rationalize drinking. Not EVERYONE drinks. Alcoholics just think everyone drinks...."
14. "Don't listen to the AV"
15. "Simply wanting to stay sober won't keep you sober...you need to do something about it."
16. "Make a solid 100% decision that you DO NOT WANT TO DRINK AGAIN!"
17. "Lean on people to help you! Let people help you!" (letting people help me is hard but I will try)
18. "Stop making excuses!"
19. "You can do it Serenidad!"
20. "Eat!"
21. "Sleep!"
22. "Exercise A LOT! Walk the dog."
23. "Leave money and credit cards at home or lock them up"
24. "Nothing changes if nothing changes"
25. "Treat this like life or death...because it IS!"

Thanks again everyone! Sorry I was so obnoxious Saturday. That was the alcohol talking (posting). I hope everyone has a great day and I am so grateful for all of you!

dcrr

That's a great list you have there. I'm going to copy and paste it for myself. Congrats on day two and for not giving up!

least

I failed many times before I finally "got" sobriety. Forgive yourself and move forward again.

tommyinphilly

Great post. Congrats on renewed resolve. I always liked 'meeting makers make it'.

sprout50

Well you learned something from the relapse and that is a good thing. You can do this.

Serenidad

Yes! Those 25 things are all tips I got from the awesome people here on SR Saturday! I will refer back to that list too!!! :-)

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Serenidad

Thx least! (((Hug)))

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Cecilia44

You can do it Serenidad. Funny, I am now starting a journal as well after failing again Friday night (today is Day 3 ... again). I have never been a journaler either, but I think it will help.

I wrote in my journal different options of what to do when I feel this way or that way (angry, lonely, stressed, etc.). The plan is to READ THE JOURNAL first before taking a drink. I am truly hoping that it will work.

Hugs.

Soberwolf

So glad your back Serinidad

FreeOwl

I'm glad you're here, glad you're back and glad you're seeing this for what it is and making a positive out of a negative.

you can do this.

Lusher

Hey Serenidad, it sounds like you have a good plan to work with as you move forward.

I think your above quote is key, but to add another line from another member's quote, which I refer to often:

desypete

no need to say sorry, many of us have been were you are,

put it all down to experience and learn from it all, funny thing is i only ever learn from things when i do them wrong first

as its day 2 today for you i hope you will send me a pm message on day 4 just saying hi and send many pm mesages to people on day 4 as it will keep you busy on day 4 and together we might help you get past day 4 ? worth a try ?

good luck to you and keep on plodding on

Serenidad

That's a great idea Cecilia! Maybe we can book mark a specific page in our journals to read first!

Dear Serenidad/Ceclilia, if you are thinking about drinking, this is why you shouldn't.....this is how you will feel tomorrow....these are the consequences....etc. I've never tried that but I'm going to this time!

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Serenidad

Thanks Soberwolf! When we drink there are no guarantees that we WILL come back, right? :-(

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Serenidad

Yes! I need to create a life where alcohol doesn't belong! I always like what Nuudawn says too. She says instead of saying "I don't want to or can't drink", say "I want to stay/be sober!" :-)

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Serenidad

Great idea Desypete! By the time I send all those messages I won't have time to drink. ;-)

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Carlotta

That s a great list: maybe you could print out two copies: one for the fridge or your work space and the other one in your wallet so it will be right there with your money as a reminder.
Desypete has a very good suggestion too. Why not try to spend day 4 "glued" to your support system? Pm us, hit some meetings, hang out in the SR chatroom.
The curse of day four is of course only in your head but our head is too often where our trouble start
If I remember well, you bought a while back a copy of RR. You have a strong AV and you really need to be aware of it, recognize it and address it accordingly when it shows its ugly head. I would suggest that you re-read that book.
It would be silly to throw the baby out with the bathwater just because you are in AA you can never have too many tools on your belt and AVRT has some good techniques >just saying<

You can do it

ArtFriend

Just wondering does your son know that you are trying to quit drinking? Kids can be a big motivator.

desypete

exactly my thinking : )

growpath

So glad you are back Serindad. I was wondering and thinking about you

That looks like a great list and I love your plan to journal. Journaling has helped me BIG time! It seems you are laying the foundation for a plan and as Anna told me that is the start to recovery We can do this!!!

You can do this and I cant wait to be here with ya all the way