Virtual reality fantasy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Virtual reality fantasy
Hi everyone. The topic I would like to throw up is this.
How do we deal with virtual reality, as individuals being part of it here and now, but we also have other commitments.
I recall being a young teen seeing this song/video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914
I was so hooked, and could have never predicted the extent of it later. But I kinda knew.
I have also posted a thread about computer/internet addiction a while ago. I can't report any significant solutions, other than when we balance 3D life activities with the virtual world, it feels less of an addiction.
How do you, Friends, manage these things right now?
How do we deal with virtual reality, as individuals being part of it here and now, but we also have other commitments.
I recall being a young teen seeing this song/video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djV11Xbc914
I was so hooked, and could have never predicted the extent of it later. But I kinda knew.
I have also posted a thread about computer/internet addiction a while ago. I can't report any significant solutions, other than when we balance 3D life activities with the virtual world, it feels less of an addiction.
How do you, Friends, manage these things right now?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
virtual reality
I adopted a cat from her. She's a wonderful cat and I wouldn't have her sweet company if it weren't for SR. Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Am I becoming addicted to the World Wide Web? The answer is most likely "YES".
I have control over this addiction and it does not give me a hangover,
just some "letter indentions" after falling asleep on the keyboard.
Have a great day.
sss: Still Staying Sober
I have control over this addiction and it does not give me a hangover,
just some "letter indentions" after falling asleep on the keyboard.
Have a great day.
sss: Still Staying Sober
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 26
I remember that awesome video, but never made the connection. We definitely probably spend too much time on the internet, I know I do, but it also brought me here today where I can talk about a problem I don't want to talk about in person. Here is an example of my problem, part of it is alcohol, part is internet addiction. You can see by my screen name, rcnut, that I love radio control models. Cars, boats, planes, helicopters. I have a slew of them. It's ridiculous really. Here's the sad part. I spend more time on the computer reading about RC than enjoying the hobby. I spend more time shopping for deals online and getting new models than flying the ones I already have. And when I'm not doing that I'm, you guessed it, drinking. So internet addiction is definitely real. But I think I'm starting to shake some of this stuff now. Maybe on an upcoming weekend I can be sober and go fly with real people instead of just chat about it online, although there is nothing wrong with the latter, but it's not a hobby.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
The gift that I get from my web friendships is that I have a much larger pool of humans to access, and so am able to find people more like myself. On SR, I have found folks who are dealing with addiction and alcoholism, yes, but many of whom are also great and prolific writers, undertaking a journey into self - self-questioning, exploring themselves through words and the exchange of those words.
I live in a rural area, quite isolated from diverse cultural influence. While there are many people here that I care about, and with whom I spend time, it is a very small pool; while I'm building a community of recovering alcoholics here, their political and social views of the world are very different than my own. Typically much more conservative in many ways (the rural/urban divide; I am not of this place). Add to that the fact that most people who live in rural areas grew up here, and have family and long term friendships with others in the community, and I am definitely an "outsider" in my 3D world. Plus I am a single woman living in a land of families - a condition looked upon with suspicion (while in large cities it is not noteworthy in any way).
My relationships on the internet are how I keep perspective. I am more able to be myself or to communicate with others like me than I am in my daily life.
I have a highly interactive job and regularly attend meetings. I go out to coffee or to events with people. I don't feel like I isolate. But I am very grateful that I have this community, or I am pretty sure I would have long since moved from this place from an "identity loneliness."
I've shared my issues with internet dating/sexuality/relationship on a fair number of threads here. That is off limits to me now, as it is one of my addictive behaviors. I'm no longer struggling with having let that go. My commitment now is that I'll only date people I have met in real life. Since I can only talk for about two minutes about 4 wheelers or moose hunting, I think that leaves me single for a while...at the very least, it makes meeting someone who has anything in common with me besides sobriety very unusual and distinct...at some point, when I am healthier and have more sobriety under my belt, I may need to return to internet dating (with a lot of boundaries and guidance from others) or move back to the lower 48 to find someone I can be partners with.
Without cyber friendships and connection right now, I would feel so isolated that I would likely be drinking...so it is a very healthy part of my life.
I live in a rural area, quite isolated from diverse cultural influence. While there are many people here that I care about, and with whom I spend time, it is a very small pool; while I'm building a community of recovering alcoholics here, their political and social views of the world are very different than my own. Typically much more conservative in many ways (the rural/urban divide; I am not of this place). Add to that the fact that most people who live in rural areas grew up here, and have family and long term friendships with others in the community, and I am definitely an "outsider" in my 3D world. Plus I am a single woman living in a land of families - a condition looked upon with suspicion (while in large cities it is not noteworthy in any way).
My relationships on the internet are how I keep perspective. I am more able to be myself or to communicate with others like me than I am in my daily life.
I have a highly interactive job and regularly attend meetings. I go out to coffee or to events with people. I don't feel like I isolate. But I am very grateful that I have this community, or I am pretty sure I would have long since moved from this place from an "identity loneliness."
I've shared my issues with internet dating/sexuality/relationship on a fair number of threads here. That is off limits to me now, as it is one of my addictive behaviors. I'm no longer struggling with having let that go. My commitment now is that I'll only date people I have met in real life. Since I can only talk for about two minutes about 4 wheelers or moose hunting, I think that leaves me single for a while...at the very least, it makes meeting someone who has anything in common with me besides sobriety very unusual and distinct...at some point, when I am healthier and have more sobriety under my belt, I may need to return to internet dating (with a lot of boundaries and guidance from others) or move back to the lower 48 to find someone I can be partners with.
Without cyber friendships and connection right now, I would feel so isolated that I would likely be drinking...so it is a very healthy part of my life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I'm fresh, just back home, I mean back to NY, after spending ~2 weeks with my elderly (and dying...) father in Europe.
He (my 83 yo dad) wanted to accompany me in the cab that took me to the airport, and we hugged until I had to go. I wrote about us here. We may or may not meet again at Christmas. And that is OK.
The "virtual reality fantasy" is something my dad criticized, while I was overseas. He is not from our generation (83 yo)... and he said I deceive him at this time by having "friends that do not really exist in my life". He told me about many of his struggles I had never known. Vice versa. He said, when we were parting at the airport early today: "I hope you won't skip me".
Anyhow, I am back home in NYC now, pretty much torn emotionally and I don't think I did what I wanted on my trip.
He (my 83 yo dad) wanted to accompany me in the cab that took me to the airport, and we hugged until I had to go. I wrote about us here. We may or may not meet again at Christmas. And that is OK.
The "virtual reality fantasy" is something my dad criticized, while I was overseas. He is not from our generation (83 yo)... and he said I deceive him at this time by having "friends that do not really exist in my life". He told me about many of his struggles I had never known. Vice versa. He said, when we were parting at the airport early today: "I hope you won't skip me".
Anyhow, I am back home in NYC now, pretty much torn emotionally and I don't think I did what I wanted on my trip.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hey Heanni.
I would say I am addicted, sometimes, for some reason sometimes. I get lost in it at the expense of life's needs.
Not really connecting with people online, I am more an information junkie and curiosity will send me all over the place and have my finger tips flying across the keyboard.
Between asking siri random things and searching random things that come to mind or are inspired by something or someone else on the PC .
I have learnt so much from the web from free online uni courses to making and designing websites via WP and using Excel to what they use oyster shells for!.
I would say I am addicted, sometimes, for some reason sometimes. I get lost in it at the expense of life's needs.
Not really connecting with people online, I am more an information junkie and curiosity will send me all over the place and have my finger tips flying across the keyboard.
Between asking siri random things and searching random things that come to mind or are inspired by something or someone else on the PC .
I have learnt so much from the web from free online uni courses to making and designing websites via WP and using Excel to what they use oyster shells for!.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
H -
I have to head to an appointment, but will answer later. In what you wrote, I am hearing your father wistful and sad that you have time and energies for people you have never met in person, but are not present for him in the way he wishes were so.
Let me know if this is what you are expressing.
If it is, I can tell you that my mother, who is dying (very slowly) of cancer in a far-away state has expressed something similar to me. That my loyalties should be predominately to original family, that my world is distant and imaginary. I have thought deeply about this, and the truth is that in our universe, these generations, that IS the world to which we are loyal and commit our time. I do mine with writing, on forums like this. My son, who is in his twenties, has a cyber universe which is a reflection of his very active live universe, as though the documentation of his life in posted photos is a second, mirrored life experience. I don't feel compelled to post photos of all my activities (I consider myself too "private" for that), but do have friendships with people I have never met.
I've come to understand that as technology expands, our worlds just take different shapes. My grandmother had friendships that still are present in her life, although she has not seen them in person for decades, through the writing of letters. Just different manifestations.
And our parents are simply wistful, and lonely for us, because they do not participate in the primary medium in which we communicate. Maybe...
I have to head to an appointment, but will answer later. In what you wrote, I am hearing your father wistful and sad that you have time and energies for people you have never met in person, but are not present for him in the way he wishes were so.
Let me know if this is what you are expressing.
If it is, I can tell you that my mother, who is dying (very slowly) of cancer in a far-away state has expressed something similar to me. That my loyalties should be predominately to original family, that my world is distant and imaginary. I have thought deeply about this, and the truth is that in our universe, these generations, that IS the world to which we are loyal and commit our time. I do mine with writing, on forums like this. My son, who is in his twenties, has a cyber universe which is a reflection of his very active live universe, as though the documentation of his life in posted photos is a second, mirrored life experience. I don't feel compelled to post photos of all my activities (I consider myself too "private" for that), but do have friendships with people I have never met.
I've come to understand that as technology expands, our worlds just take different shapes. My grandmother had friendships that still are present in her life, although she has not seen them in person for decades, through the writing of letters. Just different manifestations.
And our parents are simply wistful, and lonely for us, because they do not participate in the primary medium in which we communicate. Maybe...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Welcome back to the U.S., Haennie. Your journey is still fresh. Give yourself time to gain a long view of what you accomplished being with your father.
As I've shared with you previously, my father died a few months ago. You had much-treasured time with yours, time that will always be special. I think you achieved more than you might think.
Troubles with my connection -- I cannot seem to get video online right now. And my IT Help Desk is really not up to par! (I am my own IT Help Desk.) But you raise a point that I ponder from time to time about our time online. I spend a fair amount of time online, but I worry about it more these days. Where I live, winter tends to be nasty and the worst part in my city is the poorly tended roads. It makes me fear/dread driving, particularly at night. Winter too often finds me holed up in my home after work/gym.
It leaves me hoping for a much-needed milder winter. I gain so much here on SR from people I couldn't pick out of a crowd, but people I value greatly nonetheless. Still, I don't need to spend anymore time online.
As I've shared with you previously, my father died a few months ago. You had much-treasured time with yours, time that will always be special. I think you achieved more than you might think.
Troubles with my connection -- I cannot seem to get video online right now. And my IT Help Desk is really not up to par! (I am my own IT Help Desk.) But you raise a point that I ponder from time to time about our time online. I spend a fair amount of time online, but I worry about it more these days. Where I live, winter tends to be nasty and the worst part in my city is the poorly tended roads. It makes me fear/dread driving, particularly at night. Winter too often finds me holed up in my home after work/gym.
It leaves me hoping for a much-needed milder winter. I gain so much here on SR from people I couldn't pick out of a crowd, but people I value greatly nonetheless. Still, I don't need to spend anymore time online.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I spent a lot of time on the web these past few years - there wasn't much else to do where I was.
Now I spend less time on the web and more time in interacting with local friends - I think I have the best of both worlds.
Balance is everything
D
Now I spend less time on the web and more time in interacting with local friends - I think I have the best of both worlds.
Balance is everything
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Oh guys... I actually feel guilty for starting this thread. I always feel I do much better when I just respond on others' threads, than expressing my thoughts and feelings on my threads. And I had never thought I was much of a "helper" kind of person, never explored that route directly, for the first ~40 years of my life. I discussed this with my current therapist many times. He describes this as a form of identity crisis where my past identifications clash with the newer, more current ones, and I need to find my way, a new way, through all this. I have known this for a long time. That I have a problem looking for my identity too much. Trying to find "my niche" too desperately. I think I keep coming back to my present life in NY, my job, and many things I do here is because after all that "searching", this (here and now) is really the first and only time so far, when I feel "I have found it". Including my sobriety and all. I tend to think I feel confused about many of my most dominant features and behaviors because they are changing, even as I type. In the context of sobriety, I now have over 9 months without a relapse, and I have never done this before. I guess I should command myself on that, maybe post about my milestones here even, like many of us. Maybe I am not giving myself enough credit for all this.
Including the time I spent with my dad recently. It was ~2 weeks, and I think I was really fully present to him and the experience 3 or 4 full days, and during many hours in the rest of the time. We had some really beautiful, deeply meaningful conversations and I think both of us revealed parts of ourselves that we had never shared before.
The way I'm thinking about it right now... perhaps he criticized me about the online time and friends because he had not seen me doing this so much. And maybe more than anything, after having spent days with me where I was fully present and really nothing else mattered to me (I think I've really accomplished this), he felt somewhat neglected the day after or so. I compared some of my time with my dad to romantic encounters earlier on another thread. I think that was a good comparison. I never had romantic feelings relative to my dad, and I believe he neither, but the similarities are obvious in many ways.
Anyhow, back to original topic. Maybe I self-punish myself too much about all this. For example, I almost never look at my phone when I am in meetings. I don't even like to open my laptop when I am with others and in any meaningful exchange. Everyone does these things these days. I just never did, so don't have that habit now, thank God, or my sanity, or my fears, whatever. I really don't tend to "check out" during a group event or when I am with someone 1:1. I think I mostly guilt trip myself for behaviors that are not perfect in my own head. Or others' head. But I do need my down time.
Perhaps my father experienced similar states to my what many of of my lovers experienced and told me: that it's extremely hard to "come down" from spending time with me when I am fully present and focused on the experience. Even a normal level of absence, or just normality might feel weird and painful then. Like withdrawal. Maybe.
Or maybe I really did not do good, but honestly now, I doubt it.
Including the time I spent with my dad recently. It was ~2 weeks, and I think I was really fully present to him and the experience 3 or 4 full days, and during many hours in the rest of the time. We had some really beautiful, deeply meaningful conversations and I think both of us revealed parts of ourselves that we had never shared before.
The way I'm thinking about it right now... perhaps he criticized me about the online time and friends because he had not seen me doing this so much. And maybe more than anything, after having spent days with me where I was fully present and really nothing else mattered to me (I think I've really accomplished this), he felt somewhat neglected the day after or so. I compared some of my time with my dad to romantic encounters earlier on another thread. I think that was a good comparison. I never had romantic feelings relative to my dad, and I believe he neither, but the similarities are obvious in many ways.
Anyhow, back to original topic. Maybe I self-punish myself too much about all this. For example, I almost never look at my phone when I am in meetings. I don't even like to open my laptop when I am with others and in any meaningful exchange. Everyone does these things these days. I just never did, so don't have that habit now, thank God, or my sanity, or my fears, whatever. I really don't tend to "check out" during a group event or when I am with someone 1:1. I think I mostly guilt trip myself for behaviors that are not perfect in my own head. Or others' head. But I do need my down time.
Perhaps my father experienced similar states to my what many of of my lovers experienced and told me: that it's extremely hard to "come down" from spending time with me when I am fully present and focused on the experience. Even a normal level of absence, or just normality might feel weird and painful then. Like withdrawal. Maybe.
Or maybe I really did not do good, but honestly now, I doubt it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Sometimes the people we care about, and whose opinions we trust and count on, don't always know the score, ya know?
If I'd listened to my dad I'd have never bought a bass guitar, for example....
Not beating up on your Dad either. My Dad is about 15 years younger than yours & wouldn't know how to turn a PC on, let alone have an opinion on teh interwebz...
I always enjoy your threads haennie
D
If I'd listened to my dad I'd have never bought a bass guitar, for example....
Not beating up on your Dad either. My Dad is about 15 years younger than yours & wouldn't know how to turn a PC on, let alone have an opinion on teh interwebz...
I always enjoy your threads haennie
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
what dee said about balence is a key for me
i enjoy popping online and i can get lost in some of the topics, however there has to be an off switch for me otherwise i would be online all day as i used to do that in my drinking days spend all day on chat rooms and drinking coming out with sorts of poor me stuff for the chat room etc and that to me was living a life
well today i am in aa so i have the rooms to go to and its were i can be of most help to new comers as for me its all about how i can help someone else today its the one things i never ever in my life was ever able to do was to not think about me and my own problems and instead forget them for a while and go and see if i can help someone else
it works big time in terms of giving me peace of mind and a sence of well being that again i have never had in my life time
so although i enjoy online etc i have to keep out there with the real world otherwise i will end up in isolation with nothing around me but online and its just not real life and i dont mean that in a bad way or to offend anyone
when i lost my son i stayed indoors or in bed for a long time as i couldnt face anyone not even aa meetings
but now i am getting back out there and doing what i do best giving to others what has been given to me free of charge. except i do get my own payment but you will have to do it yourself to understand just what the payment is lol
i enjoy popping online and i can get lost in some of the topics, however there has to be an off switch for me otherwise i would be online all day as i used to do that in my drinking days spend all day on chat rooms and drinking coming out with sorts of poor me stuff for the chat room etc and that to me was living a life
well today i am in aa so i have the rooms to go to and its were i can be of most help to new comers as for me its all about how i can help someone else today its the one things i never ever in my life was ever able to do was to not think about me and my own problems and instead forget them for a while and go and see if i can help someone else
it works big time in terms of giving me peace of mind and a sence of well being that again i have never had in my life time
so although i enjoy online etc i have to keep out there with the real world otherwise i will end up in isolation with nothing around me but online and its just not real life and i dont mean that in a bad way or to offend anyone
when i lost my son i stayed indoors or in bed for a long time as i couldnt face anyone not even aa meetings
but now i am getting back out there and doing what i do best giving to others what has been given to me free of charge. except i do get my own payment but you will have to do it yourself to understand just what the payment is lol
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
I'm a bit tired, so hopefully some of this makes sense...
I think we all want to wind down, escape....of course, that's how we got to drinking. But it's not just that...the internet is what a book may once have been, or listening to a radio show for my Grandmother. Where is the line of where it becomes "our life" rather than a complement to our normal relaxation activities?
I'm definitely mindful of it now I'm sober. One activity at a time, fully present.
I did mention turning your gadgets off if you could in your other thread too?
Why? Because I remember being on family holidays and taking calls in the study, running teleconferences, preparing documents - the reality was, I missed out on moments I will never get the chance to relive again.
There is a fine line where "work" becomes just another thing to immerse ourselves in.
I lost my stepmother earlier this year to cancer. It's changed my whole outlook on life. I resigned from my 6 figure salary job, where I was basically "owned" 24/7 (they resented my time off to nurse her in her final weeks).
I contract out when I choose now, less money at times, but much happiness. I even get home before the sun goes down. Outrageous!
This may not be for you, I guess I'm just saying, a process of questioning, doesn't have to be filled with angst...it could be the start of a great sober realisation about where your priorities lie.
I think we all want to wind down, escape....of course, that's how we got to drinking. But it's not just that...the internet is what a book may once have been, or listening to a radio show for my Grandmother. Where is the line of where it becomes "our life" rather than a complement to our normal relaxation activities?
I'm definitely mindful of it now I'm sober. One activity at a time, fully present.
I did mention turning your gadgets off if you could in your other thread too?
Why? Because I remember being on family holidays and taking calls in the study, running teleconferences, preparing documents - the reality was, I missed out on moments I will never get the chance to relive again.
There is a fine line where "work" becomes just another thing to immerse ourselves in.
I lost my stepmother earlier this year to cancer. It's changed my whole outlook on life. I resigned from my 6 figure salary job, where I was basically "owned" 24/7 (they resented my time off to nurse her in her final weeks).
I contract out when I choose now, less money at times, but much happiness. I even get home before the sun goes down. Outrageous!
This may not be for you, I guess I'm just saying, a process of questioning, doesn't have to be filled with angst...it could be the start of a great sober realisation about where your priorities lie.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Thanks, guys. Yeah I definitely have problems with prioritizing. The problem is not that I don't know how it should be. It's usually very clear in my mind, or if not, I think I know where and how to seek advice to clarify. My problem is doing it that way, sticking with that theoretical view and decision on the go. Here is where (one area) I feel very intensely that being an addict, or having a tendency for obsessive/addictive thinking and behaviors interferes with good judgment and especially acting on the good decisions. It's like recovery in general. Making the decision not to drink is easy (it was for me, I never really questioned it rationally) - it is the implementation and sticking with it that is challenging. I guess I feel this so acutely because in my mind, in my value system, theory without practical implication tends to be rather meaningless. So the problem is that in the mind, I can have a perfect theoretical construct with all the right decisions, but when it comes to realization, it's rarely that way. And then I feel the dissonance intensely and it frustrates me. Maybe I am too focused on improvement and how things could be better instead of how they just are... Same old problem of being present.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I had a really great session with my therapist yesterday afternoon, and we talked about some of these confusing feelings and ideas of mine. He had a cool approach: listens to me for ~3 mins, then interrupts. He did not want me to dive into all these complicated feelings and thoughts. Instead, asked me to simply just break the whole period (when I was overseas) into solid fragments of actions memory. What was the schedule, what did we do? He even gave me a piece of paper to draw (he knows I love to draw systems charts with connections).
Then he asked me to rank the activities I've listed, as supportive or disruptive relative to my cause (that I wanted to be with me father and help him). Then had me write it all down in front of him, and calculate a percentage (he knows that I like math). It was ~70% supportive and the rest... whatever. He is looking at me, smiling: so what is the balance?
I ask him then, why is it that sometimes, in some moments, I feel it's never enough what I do, why do I tend to run away into distractions when I feel overwhelmed, and why is it that I always beat up myself for not being able to stick with my plans?
His answer. Drop the why's.
1. I feel it's never enough what I do.
2. I tend to run away into distractions when I feel overwhelmed.
3. I always beat up myself for not being able to stick with my plans.
He asked me to list 3 behaviors I tend to exhibit in response to these 3 triggers, write them down in 3 simple sentences, and we discuss next Tuesday.
Then he asked me to rank the activities I've listed, as supportive or disruptive relative to my cause (that I wanted to be with me father and help him). Then had me write it all down in front of him, and calculate a percentage (he knows that I like math). It was ~70% supportive and the rest... whatever. He is looking at me, smiling: so what is the balance?
I ask him then, why is it that sometimes, in some moments, I feel it's never enough what I do, why do I tend to run away into distractions when I feel overwhelmed, and why is it that I always beat up myself for not being able to stick with my plans?
His answer. Drop the why's.
1. I feel it's never enough what I do.
2. I tend to run away into distractions when I feel overwhelmed.
3. I always beat up myself for not being able to stick with my plans.
He asked me to list 3 behaviors I tend to exhibit in response to these 3 triggers, write them down in 3 simple sentences, and we discuss next Tuesday.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by haennie 
Thanks, guys. Yeah I definitely have problems with prioritizing. The problem is not that I don't know how it should be. It's usually very clear in my mind, or if not, I think I know where and how to seek advice to clarify. My problem is doing it that way, sticking with that theoretical view and decision on the go. Here is where (one area) I feel very intensely that being an addict, or having a tendency for obsessive/addictive thinking and behaviors interferes with good judgment and especially acting on the good decisions. It's like recovery in general. Making the decision not to drink is easy (it was for me, I never really questioned it rationally) - it is the implementation and sticking with it that is challenging. I guess I feel this so acutely because in my mind, in my value system, theory without practical implication tends to be rather meaningless. So the problem is that in the mind, I can have a perfect theoretical construct with all the right decisions, but when it comes to realization, it's rarely that way. And then I feel the dissonance intensely and it frustrates me. Maybe I am too focused on improvement and how things could be better instead of how they just are... Same old problem of being present.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Yes definitely I've already found the path to salvation with all my thinking, so why am I even writing this?
I want to see a psychiatrist again. Just made an appointment. What worries me is that I'm in those mental states again that I recognized even years ago as "mixed state" most commonly associated with bipolar depression. Just wrote about this also on another thread today. I can't stand this easily now sober even though it's definitely milder sober. My family is packed with mental illness, schizophrenia and the bipolar spectrum especially. One of my paternal aunts committed suicide after years of struggle with mental illness that was never under control, and her sister died in a mental ward after decades of severe problems.
I have never been truly psychotic, but I think many of my drunken episodes were close, and these feelings like now... now longer than a week... really scare me. It may not come across through the web here mostly because I am pretty aware and knowledgeable of these things so I can "analyze them", and I do save you from the details...but it's quite bad right now. Too bad my psychiatrist can't see me right now. I would be all for trying to find some medication regime to control all this, it is really scary and I am not sure how many more similar episodes I can tolerate sober... or just tolerate...
Anyways, thanks for listening. I have an appointment on Monday, but if I keep feeling this same way tomorrow, I think I'll go to the ER of the hospital where I work.
I want to see a psychiatrist again. Just made an appointment. What worries me is that I'm in those mental states again that I recognized even years ago as "mixed state" most commonly associated with bipolar depression. Just wrote about this also on another thread today. I can't stand this easily now sober even though it's definitely milder sober. My family is packed with mental illness, schizophrenia and the bipolar spectrum especially. One of my paternal aunts committed suicide after years of struggle with mental illness that was never under control, and her sister died in a mental ward after decades of severe problems.
I have never been truly psychotic, but I think many of my drunken episodes were close, and these feelings like now... now longer than a week... really scare me. It may not come across through the web here mostly because I am pretty aware and knowledgeable of these things so I can "analyze them", and I do save you from the details...but it's quite bad right now. Too bad my psychiatrist can't see me right now. I would be all for trying to find some medication regime to control all this, it is really scary and I am not sure how many more similar episodes I can tolerate sober... or just tolerate...
Anyways, thanks for listening. I have an appointment on Monday, but if I keep feeling this same way tomorrow, I think I'll go to the ER of the hospital where I work.
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Originally Posted by haennie
and he said I deceive him at this time by having "friends that do not really exist in my life".
I remember when I read books by the Bronte sisters and I was so interested in their life. The Brontė children were often left alone together in their isolated home and all began to write at an early age. They often communicated for years by writing letters to friends and family members. It was not unusual to never meet the people that they wrote letters to. We forget that people often communicated with people they never met in their lifetime. It just seems different to us now.
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