Made it thru the worst, now what?
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Hi Amester. Please don't give up on yourself. It is scary thinking about a life with no drugs, but if you take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, it's much easier.
I was heavily into drugs at one time. I couldn't imagine life without them. But my life has got so much better without them. I feel much better about myself.
Please change your counsellor. What he/she said to you is not helpful at all. You need someone who believes in your right to be clean.
You are so young and have so much to live for-it doesn't seem like that, but if you get clean, you could maybe devote your life to helping others get clean. How would that make you feel ? Doing some good in this crazy world.
Have you ever heard of catastrophizing ? It's a very common thought pattern for us addicts
What is Catastrophizing? | Psych Central
Think you do this.
Stick around, please, we are all here for you
I was heavily into drugs at one time. I couldn't imagine life without them. But my life has got so much better without them. I feel much better about myself.
Please change your counsellor. What he/she said to you is not helpful at all. You need someone who believes in your right to be clean.
You are so young and have so much to live for-it doesn't seem like that, but if you get clean, you could maybe devote your life to helping others get clean. How would that make you feel ? Doing some good in this crazy world.
Have you ever heard of catastrophizing ? It's a very common thought pattern for us addicts
What is Catastrophizing? | Psych Central
Think you do this.
Stick around, please, we are all here for you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Somewhere, USA
Posts: 85
The thought of never getting drunk again scared me off of quitting about a 100 times... When I think about it one day at a time, and how crappy I was treating my body, I can handle the thought. Be well.
I highly recommend House of Cards on Netflix. It's smart and engaging. Good luck to you.
I highly recommend House of Cards on Netflix. It's smart and engaging. Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Amester, this is heartbreaking to read. You are 32, you have years ahead of you in which you could find a boyfriend, have children, have a happy, healthy life. Have you seen this story? She was able to get clean and make a life for herself: I went from heroin addict to PTA mom - CNN.com Instead of using this week, I would suggest getting your heads on as much literature as you can about drug addiction. There is a section here on recommended books about alcoholism, drug addiction and other subjects of interest to people like us. I would highly suggest finding a new counselor. I am angry and appalled on your behalf that they said your family should accept you will never get better. You absolutely can get better. I don't think now is the time, but soon you should also start looking for legal work as well. What are your skills? Do you have a degree? What would you like to do? I am truly sorry to hear that no one called you back when you reached out for help. Please continue to come on here. Feel free to PM me anytime you need. I am in and out throughout the day (and several hours ahead of you) but I will respond every time you write. We also have a lovely member here- who hasn't been around as much lately, but I hope she is ok. She is an alcoholic, trying to stay clean and has worked to pay her bills by stripping. You might find the two of you have some things in common. As for your work as a prostitute, try not to get back into that. You have nothing to be ashamed of. I might be in the minority here, but I believe work is work and you do what you have to do. But although it is not something to be ashamed of, it is also not the healthiest of professions- both for your self esteem and the fact that often drug use an alcoholism is rampant in those environments. You are a person of value. You are intelligent and well spoken. You have more to offer than just your body and your sex. What do you want Amester? What is the life you dream of when you allow yourself that hope? Would you like to be a vet? A lawyer? A teacher? A cook? A secretary? A fashion designer? A mom? A custodian? An astronaut? Ok, you are 32, it is probably too late for that! But you can be the other things. Do you want a house? What does it look like? It seems impossible now, but it isn't. You can have a like that you love. But you have to stay clean. Heroin will prevent you from having anything and everything. You are here and I absolutely see something in your words that you are trying. It ain't easy my friend, but it IS possible.
Her name is Tracey. They also have a 2004 update on YouTube. I never did heroin but a drug is a drug and my drug of choice is alcohol.
Good luck to you Amester! You can do this!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 772
Watch your favorite television shows. Go for a walk. AA is great for making new friends and SR is a great support group. Keep it up your doing great. I feel that sobriety gets easier for me as time goes by. In early sobriety...I knew that no mater what I was to not drink or use. no matter what. We don't do that anymore! You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Thank you all so much for all of the support and encouragement. I was starting to feel so alone in this, and even like I'm the only one who's ever felt or thought like this. I am on day 9 of no heroin. Im not in accute withdrawal anymore but I am uncomfortable and scared.
I talked to my best friend for hours last night about how hopeless I felt, how much I thought it's time to give up. But he's not on board with that. He said he's not giving up and he's going to keep fighting for me so I guess for now I'll trust him and hang in there for a bit.
I've always had a hard time with "one day at a time". I still think it equals "never again."
I'm going to an AA meeting tonight because there is no NA around here. AA isn't exactly appropriate for me and I've never had much success with it but right now I just need any kind of support. I can maybe get some phone numbers and connect with some good women who are in recovery just to have as friends or support.
And I made a few phone calls today and so did my dad to women at my parents church who are connected to a lot of resources in the area and who are also just great women to be connected with. And they're trying to connect me with some other people too.
I'm going to keep posting on SR probably quite a bit because the feedback I get helps me so much. You all have such great perspectives and ideas and you give me hope.
I talked to my best friend for hours last night about how hopeless I felt, how much I thought it's time to give up. But he's not on board with that. He said he's not giving up and he's going to keep fighting for me so I guess for now I'll trust him and hang in there for a bit.
I've always had a hard time with "one day at a time". I still think it equals "never again."
I'm going to an AA meeting tonight because there is no NA around here. AA isn't exactly appropriate for me and I've never had much success with it but right now I just need any kind of support. I can maybe get some phone numbers and connect with some good women who are in recovery just to have as friends or support.
And I made a few phone calls today and so did my dad to women at my parents church who are connected to a lot of resources in the area and who are also just great women to be connected with. And they're trying to connect me with some other people too.
I'm going to keep posting on SR probably quite a bit because the feedback I get helps me so much. You all have such great perspectives and ideas and you give me hope.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm glad you're going to AA. I think it's totally appropriate. In my AA groups there are lots of people who have a primary issue with drugs versus alcohol.
What most have found is that flowing the program of AA also works to help them stay clean from other addictions too. And all of them have recognized alcohol is just another drug flowing similar patterns of destruction.
Amester - you are a human soul and worthy of joy, of conscious living, of freedom from the despair that saddles you with the burdens of addiction.
You can get off this terrible merry go round of doom. You're on the right track.
What most have found is that flowing the program of AA also works to help them stay clean from other addictions too. And all of them have recognized alcohol is just another drug flowing similar patterns of destruction.
Amester - you are a human soul and worthy of joy, of conscious living, of freedom from the despair that saddles you with the burdens of addiction.
You can get off this terrible merry go round of doom. You're on the right track.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
I went to the meeting! It was tough, I admitted it was my first meeting in years and of course the whole meeting was about me which can be pretty uncomfortable. It was a relatively large meeting too. Most everyone seemed very nice and welcoming.
It was uncomfortable though. Alcohol is not what I'm struggling with. It' heroin. That's quite different and I couldn't exactly relate to a lot of the sharing. But I connected with a few of the females afterwards and shared a bit more about my story and we're already texting and looks like they want to take me to a meeting tomorrow during the day!
I'm very hesitant about really becoming involved in AA but the purpose of going was to get some healthy, sober women in my life to be friends with and have as support and it looks like I accomplished that.
I did want to drink when I got home, for some reason I felt very anxious. But at some point I need to stop turning to substances to deal with every little uncomfortable feeling. So I made herbal tea and am listening to music. So I think I did pretty good today even though I'm still terrified in general.
It was uncomfortable though. Alcohol is not what I'm struggling with. It' heroin. That's quite different and I couldn't exactly relate to a lot of the sharing. But I connected with a few of the females afterwards and shared a bit more about my story and we're already texting and looks like they want to take me to a meeting tomorrow during the day!
I'm very hesitant about really becoming involved in AA but the purpose of going was to get some healthy, sober women in my life to be friends with and have as support and it looks like I accomplished that.
I did want to drink when I got home, for some reason I felt very anxious. But at some point I need to stop turning to substances to deal with every little uncomfortable feeling. So I made herbal tea and am listening to music. So I think I did pretty good today even though I'm still terrified in general.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,962
anything that gets me out of my head treats my alcoholism. without something, I am lost. desperately lost.
untreated alcoholism or active alcoholism kills us.
those steps are a new way to treat alcoholism. why not try working them with a sponsor to guide you through them?
untreated alcoholism or active alcoholism kills us.
those steps are a new way to treat alcoholism. why not try working them with a sponsor to guide you through them?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 56
I think it is very admirable and inspiring that you are actively dealing with your addictions. You obviously have a lot of determination and strength which I am sure will lead you to a happy life if you continue what you are doing now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 165
This afternoon something very upsetting happened and I'm hanging in there so far. I called and texted people for support, I planned a visit with a friend and a meeting for tomorrow so I'll be occupied tomorrow.
Would love to pour some drinks tonight but poured some chamomile/passionflower tea instead, heated up a lavendar stuffed animal that I hold warm against my chest and breathe in the lavendar. I have my music playing, I'm texting my best friend and a new recovery friend.
Using or drinking won't make anything better. I can relax and enjoy my night without chemical help. I hope. I'm trying at least.
Would love to pour some drinks tonight but poured some chamomile/passionflower tea instead, heated up a lavendar stuffed animal that I hold warm against my chest and breathe in the lavendar. I have my music playing, I'm texting my best friend and a new recovery friend.
Using or drinking won't make anything better. I can relax and enjoy my night without chemical help. I hope. I'm trying at least.
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