Briar

I messed up. I've been messed up since Wednesday. Trying to dry out today and suffer through the wicked hangover I've been delaying for days by staying drunk. I don't even have a good reason, except that I guess I don't want to grow up. Hate myself today.

PurpleKnight

There's never going to be a good time to stop in our minds, there's always going to be a tomorrow, so the only thing to do is go straight in and make it happen TODAY!!

What support have you been using? as if it's not working or not enough, it might be time to get a few more tools into the toolbox, more face to face options, meetings etc, whatever it is, nothing changes if nothing changes!!

You can do this, don't beat yourself up, make this your last Day 1!!

Soberwolf

You can do this Briar

Wastinglife

Been there many times Briar. I would extend binges as long as I could to avoid the inevitable comedown. You have to stop sometime. Sunday's are great for drying out.

Hawks

Sorry to hear that Briar

I was just reflecting myself on the insanity that precedes the recommencement of drinking.

If a little voice in my head whispered to me "throw ten gallons of burley into shark infested waters, wait till the water is practically just fins and teeth..... Then jump in the water"

The next thought in my head would be "I might be crazy... But I'm not THAT crazy"

Or if I thought "I might dry myself with a blow torch instead of a towel later today after a shower."

Again.... WTF? Why would I do THAT?? Dry myself with a blowtorch? That's just nuts.

But then, knowing from years and years of historical evidence what happens when I drank..... Somehow..... The idea of a "few beers" never seemed crazy or insane.

I just always thought "it's going to be different this time"

Or "I'll stop after 3 drinks this time"

This is the "insanity " in step 2 of AA.... We know why we should not do a 1000 other dangerous things and we don't do them. But when it comes to making a sane choice around alcohol... I need a restoration to sanity on that one.

least

Maybe it's time to try something new. Have you considered AA? Lots of people owe their lives to AA. Face to face support might be just what you need.

Mrrryah1

Briar I am 4 days sober.

I literally wanted to kill myself 3-4 days ago. I thought my entire life was over. I was in complete hysterics and overwhelming anxiety/panic. The future was bleak and I have absolutely NO clue what I was going to do.

I am now 4 days sober. And while I am nowhere near 100%, I can promise you, it gets better.

You NEED to make it through this hard part to get to the other side. There is NO other option.

Please hold on with everything you've got.

MavisTheFairy13

Well done for coming back and posting and starting again! I had a few slips along the way, back on day 5 now but learned from it all and things have shifted mentally. You can do this!! Forget the last few days, fresh start today. Next time you get a wobble post

JanieJ

Sorry to hear that Briar.(((())))) You can make this your last day 1.

I've had many, many day ones. Dozens. But this final one, I have stuck to. You can too.

tommyinphilly

Hating yourself will not help you. You made a great decision today. Be happy and proud of yourself . You can do this

dcrr

To be here posting and showing your willingness to try again is huge. You can do this and we are here to support you. One day at a time.

Dee74

None of us likes change Briar. Getting sober is scary.
But you came here for good reason.

Don't worry about growing up - we grew up originally day by day - this is no different
There is a better life out there, I promise. No risk

Don't let your addiction run the show - it will keep you drunk for years - decades - of you let it . Ask me how I know

The first step to getting back to where you want to be is a day one. There's a ton of support here

D

Stevie1

Briar, you are one of the many people whose posts I recognise on here and I noticed you were out of action.
I'm sorry you're hurting. You know everyone here understands and has your back, right? Don't hate yourself; you're worth a lot better than that. You are not a bad person, you're an addicted person who made some bad decisions. So get back in here, woman.
You really CAN do this, you just have to believe.

soberclover

I hope you give yourself a chance to take sobriety for a spin and try it on for size. Once you get some time under your belt, I'm pretty sure you like so many of us will decide that it is worth hanging on to. The sober life is an awesome life

Briar

Thanks guys. It feels like I plunged back under water. I feel awful, physically and emotionally. I've been thinking back on why it happened. I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely, and it told me (and I bought it) that the people in my support system don't really care about me. It always gets me with this. I suddenly feel completely alone and it's my only friend. I was driving home, knowing I was going to drink, telling myself my therapist would tell me to challenge this, reach out and ask for help anyway. But I was so convinced that no one cared, and when I get like that nothing can convince me otherwise. I feel like I'm in a cage with a hungry lion. Feeling pretty hopeless today, but I intend to keep trying.