Craving a Drink
 

I am 8 days shy of having 4 months of sobriety, and I have been having really strong urges to drink that seem to have come out of nowhere. A little back story, 4 months ago I had no job, no friends, no money, I was sick all the time, living in a terrible living situation with another alcoholic and I was so depressed I could barely muster the energy to take care of myself and I rarely left my house (and if I did, it was usually to go get beer). I had actually started having thoughts of suicide because my life was so unmanageable and I felt like I was never going to be happy or whole. It was a wake up call that alcohol was making my life miserable. Since then, I have worked so hard at getting my life back on track: I now have a job that I love and am good at (and that I can actually show up for since I no longer have debilitating hangovers everyday), I was able to save enough money and find my own apartment, my health has drastically improved, I got enrolled in school and I am working towards finishing my degree and I have been seeing a counselor and taking anti-depressants which helps me manage my depression. I also was able to lose 30 lbs, and I look and feel so much better than I did 4 months ago. I can look at how my life has improved so much because of sobriety. It's tangible, and I am so proud of myself for all the hard work I have put in. So why the hell am I having these awful and persistent thoughts that I should have a drink? Or that it would be different this time? It's like the further into sobriety I get, the less I remember how awful and unhappy I felt while I was drinking. My sneaky AV is telling me that now that my life is so much better, of course I can drink responsibly. But I know that is a big fat lie. Have other people gone through this? If so, what did you do to get through it?

Dear craving - listened to a great message this morning which talked about the AV coming after us when we are just starting to feel free and strong - good for you for pushing through!

The AV doesn't want to give up easily. You're doing great and it's wonderful to read how much you've accomplished in your recovery. But, the AV is likely less than thrilled. You can get through this though and continue your recovery.

Gio first well done i got through it because i have accepted i dont drink anymore

i hope this helps

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

At least you know "AV" is trying to trap you into the world of ALCOHOL! I'm a little over 7 months and I too occasionally hear that voice !

I never listened a negative effect alcohol would have on me , so why should I listen now?

The circumstances are different, but I still don't have to listen :) lol

Have a Sober Sunday!

Liz, you make a really good point, and I think that's why I am feeling so frustrated by a resurgence of the craving to drink. It has been awhile (at least a couple of months) since I had feelings craving this strong, and I was starting to feel, yes, like I was free and strong. It's a hard realization to know that there could always be a sleeping monster (my AV) in the back of my brain and that I am going to have to be strong enough and smart enough to know that it is full of sh** and looking for ways to worm its way back into my life.

Hang in there, stick to your plan and be proud of how being Sober has improved life, don't let alcohol convince you it could add to that in anyway, to the contrary it could destroy it all, don't let it!!

Keep pushing through!! :)

Thanks purpleknight, that's exactly what I needed to hear. I need to remind myself of just what's at stake here. I have gone from a completely dysfunctional person to being a functional adult, who actually takes some satisfaction and joy from life (with the occasional bout of dysfunction. I am a work in progress, lol). I don't ever want to go back to the misery and shame that I felt while drinking.

Giochick
hay Great avatar pic! love it.
so many times i get that crave too, i hate it. i also isolated myself in my house and at times i still do. sometimes i find my self forcing my self do things i enjoy or need to do.
sometimes out of no where i get that craving and i am like What The??? why??and it is only when i am home. but at work i do not get it. but i get them i do things that i enjoy to get my mind off them.

Rob, I think that's what is so confusing and frustrating about this. It's like, "Where the hell did this come from?" I need to remember that, in the words of the big book, "we deal with alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful". I feel pretty baffled right now, lol! Also, the avatar is a picture of my dog Gimli. I love her to pieces, and she is one of the things that keep me on the path of sobriety. I really like your suggestion to get out of the house or to force myself to go out and do something. I struggle with depression, and I definitely have a tendency to isolate myself if I am feeling upset/sad/mad, etc. And that's when that sneaky AV starts creeping in and telling me I would be so much better off if I just had one drink.

That's pretty common. I've been feeling SO GOOD just today that my sneaky little alcoholic voice whispered "you could have a couple now, you have done so well and you have plenty of support...... If it does all go wrong, you can just stop again.... Your sponsor will understand "

Just came from nowhere. Couple of prayers straightened out my AV. :)

Hi.
This AM I was listening to a AA conference speaker talking about the alcoholics ability to forget the pain. He indicated that childbirth is so painful it’s amazing that a woman will have more than one child. The bottom line is we forget the pains we went through drinking even a week or so later. We need reminders here and at meetings for it to penetrate and stop thinking about drinking, think about not drinking got me through those moments of obsession.

BE WELL

Thoughts are thoughts giochick - it's what we do with them that counts :)
Sounds like you handled this well :)

D

I lost my sobriety of last year at 4 months (and I too am just past that mark now). I do believe it is a difficult time in the process. And ya know..I can't help but wondering if part of this is a "worth" issue. So many of us struggle with our low self worth and esteem in recovery.

All these wonderful things are happening as a result of sobriety and perhaps a part of you doesn't feel "worthy of them"..which is of course part of our addiction.

You and I are both in early sobriety and therefore we will continue to face tests..sometimes out of nowhere.

Alternatively, the AV seems to find any old excuse to try and persuade you to feed it. Look how good your life is going..why not have a drink?

I'm so glad you posted on this... I was just reading about "shame" yesterday from Brene Brown. She was saying that "shame exposed" is shame removed. Shame lives in darkness and secrecy..

So perhaps you have felt shame for having these cravings..well guess what...you just exposed it....

I think you've made a great start by posting here and listing all the things that have been BETTER since you've quit drinking. If you drink today, how will you feel about it tomorrow? Try to replay everything that happened the last time you drank. The craving will pass if you just hold tight. I'm telling you this as I tell myself these things too. I have tons of support and feel very determined not to relapse again.