I Don't Want To Tell Everyone
 

I'm on day 5 and doing ok but then again there have been no major events that has brought booze into the picture. As the holidays get closer and my birthday comes around there will be more parties and gatherings naturally. My resolve is strong to not drink but I don't want to go around and tell everyone why I'm not drinking. I don't want to shout out to the world I'm an alcoholic so I can't drink.

How do I handle these gatherings without being questioned a thousand times why I'm not drinking? (Mind you everyone saw me drink plenty for years)

Thanks fellow SR friends and happy, sober Sunday.

read this

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tice-care.html

In early sobriety I didn't go. Problem solved

I just didn't have a drink. Nobody seemed to care. If asked you can say you quit because it started to get out of control. You could say it just got weird.

IMO it isn't anyones business why I am not drinking. If I want to share I will, otherwise my answer is "because I don't want too". If I get pushed beyond that answer then someone is being a jerk and are handled as such.

MIRecovery - that's easy enough when it's a work party but what about family ones? Or the ones we host at home? My coworkers won't care or notice even but my family surely will. And not just this once but every future event too. I don't want to have to announce I'm an alcoholic to them just to get them to stop asking.

Soberwolf - thanks for the link I'll check it out.

So don't explain. Or use a generalization. You feel healthier when you don't drink, so you are abstaining. Many drink something that looks like an alcoholic drink to just skip that whole silly Q&A session.

Just say no thanks, I've had enough ;-)

My family knows the drill. My house is dry. Alcohol does not cross the threshold. They know I don't like being around alcohol so I may or may not attend. If I do attend I have an escape plan and likely will not be at the event for very long.

Sometimes I miss things that I really would like to be at but the alternative is dying a slow alcoholic death

I used to worry & fret & post about this too. Then I got over myself and realized people don't spend an ounce of energy wondering why I don't drink. Wolf's link will reinforce this.

Just had my first sober family vacation. Save for MIL who had a caddy remark (HER issue, not mine), no one cared. No one! BIL offered me a beer at the beach, I said I don't drink anymore, he said ok & then went about his business. Same w/SIL who asked if I wanted wine with dinner. I said no, she said ok & asked the next person. It was very anti-climactic to what I had built up in my head which was a huge relief.

It's what you make it. Tell them why or simply say no. The main thing is you don't drink.

If anyone asks me I just say I gave it up for my health. :)

I've found that 'No, thanks' has always worked for me.

But, I did avoid places where alcohol was served for many months.

It's a very common fear MF, but we (alcoholics) are the only ones who obsess about our drinking. It is really true that the vast majority couldn't care less if we drink or not. Most won't even notice. And for the ones that do, no thanks is generally all you need to say...even with family.

You don't need label yourself to these people. Just tell them that you decided not to drink because you decided to get healthy. (Not a lie). Your worrying more than they will. The ones that push it you probably don't want to be around anyway. Like I said in another post, it's a good way to find out who your friends really are.

Really you don't need a reason.

"I'm taking a drinking Sabbatical" is what I used in the beginning. Then I just said, "No, thanks" after a couple weeks when I was sure I was able to stay stopped. Those who ask, "Why" - (and there has only been one) I say, "I don't feel good when I drink."

In early sobriety I used to tell them that I'm not drinking today. No one ever said a word about it.

More of a big deal to us than it is to them.

M-Bob

You will be shocked how few people ask or even care. Good luck.

I took my life back when alcohol nearly
destroyed it and nearly killed me. Taking
your life back takes courage, willingness
and an openmind to learning healthier
changes in your life now and for yrs. to
come.

Take time to learn about addiction and
it affects on your body, mind and soul
and those around you. Listen intentively
and absorb what you learn and apply
the knowledge and tools of a recovery
program to incorporate in your everyday
life and affairs.

Not everyone around me agreed I had
a drinking problem or even an alcoholic,
but I learned otherwise and I was not
healthy, happy or honest in my life.

I took responsibility of my addiction
and my own recovery and ran with
it day after day for 24 yrs now. I am
not worried about what family or
friends think or say about me anymore,
because my life and recovery belongs
to me and not them.

Im grateful for my sober life I own
today. You can too. :)

i went to aa meetings on xmas day and boxing day and new years on my first xmas away from the drink, in my head back then eveyone else was out there having a good time getting drunk but of course not everyone is out there getting drunk
there out there going to a party and dancing and enjoying others company and staying sober not drunk

but thats the difference between me and them as i can not go to a function and stay sober if i am going to drink that is, i will end up drunk and make a fool of myself etc

anyway to be honest i never had any partys to go to as people had cut me off there invite lists many years before i stopped drinking
i was the drunk that ruined partys so people wouldnt go to a party if i had been invited
and i dont blame them one bit either

so why dont you just take a year off going to any sort of partys ? focus on you and enjoy the time away from that sort of thing ?

i would hate to read a post from you saying you wished you hadnet gone now or you wished you had listened to people as you ended up drinking again and who knows what trouble it might bring ?

but for me i needed to work on me, today i can go anywhere be it a party or nightclub and enjoy myself dancing if i wanted to the pressure for a drink just isnt there anymore so there is no challenge, but i am 10 years sober and have grown a lot over those years it just doesnt happen over night
but i just dont go to those places as i would rather be in an aa meeting with my kind of people to be honest

It's worked for me to have something in my hand or close by, usually seltzer or soda. Then a simple "no thanks. I've got something." does the trick.

Like many have said, it's been pretty uneventful. And those that pester are rare and not my true friends anyway.

Best wishes to all this holiday season!