Social life and not drinking
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I couldn't have both, I was either drinking or I was Sober, there was no in between, and because there was no in between compromise between my 2 lives, one of my lives had to go, and that was my drinking life, I couldn't continue to drink but still have that productive Sunday morning, I too wanted to continue to drink but without the consequences, but unfortunately that option didn't exist.
Alcohol isn't the centre of the universe when it comes to a social life, we can think it is, because that's all we did at the weekend, but there is so much more out there to do, and these new activities will create those "sober friends" that you're lacking at the moment.
It all boiled down to what I wanted, worrying about what others thought about me not drinking, worrying about easing back on not going out to bars etc etc, those sort of thoughts got me nowhere in the past, and I'd probably still be drinking due to that indirect peer pressure we can create in our own minds.
Instead I needed to make my own choice, which lifestyle was going to be more beneficial to me, and then build on that, but it's going to take time, we can't have an awe inspiring, jump out of bed, exciting Sober life overnight, when all we've done for years is hit the bar and drink!!
We need to build a new life, it'll take time, but it's worth it!!
Alcohol isn't the centre of the universe when it comes to a social life, we can think it is, because that's all we did at the weekend, but there is so much more out there to do, and these new activities will create those "sober friends" that you're lacking at the moment.
It all boiled down to what I wanted, worrying about what others thought about me not drinking, worrying about easing back on not going out to bars etc etc, those sort of thoughts got me nowhere in the past, and I'd probably still be drinking due to that indirect peer pressure we can create in our own minds.
Instead I needed to make my own choice, which lifestyle was going to be more beneficial to me, and then build on that, but it's going to take time, we can't have an awe inspiring, jump out of bed, exciting Sober life overnight, when all we've done for years is hit the bar and drink!!
We need to build a new life, it'll take time, but it's worth it!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Hi George,
Congrats on one month of sobriety. Just make sure to not short change yourself before you find out all the good things there is to being sober. At one month one can tend to be either overly happy or overly sad as they try on their new skin. When you find the right fit you can do anything you did just as well or better than you did in your drinking days.
I found myself tired, too, in the beginning as my body hadn't had a chance to realize how good it was going to feel down the road without a drink.
It is most often when we are not looking for things to happen, they show up.
Keep on moving forward........................
Congrats on one month of sobriety. Just make sure to not short change yourself before you find out all the good things there is to being sober. At one month one can tend to be either overly happy or overly sad as they try on their new skin. When you find the right fit you can do anything you did just as well or better than you did in your drinking days.
I found myself tired, too, in the beginning as my body hadn't had a chance to realize how good it was going to feel down the road without a drink.
It is most often when we are not looking for things to happen, they show up.
Keep on moving forward........................
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
Having a social life is hard. Cultivating people skills without booze isn't easy. It takes time, money, though, and effort. Drinking is so simple, but actually building people and social skills takes time. Hopefully you try to put some hours into thinking of ways to be more social. Book club, kickball, dance, something like that. I used to hang out with people who's hobby was drinking.When I quit I saw how bad I was with people and vowed to work on it. I bowl and watch sports. At the end of the night I am a better man for not drinking and building speaking skills.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Posts: 712
Originally Posted by soberwolf 
You say your more productive without Alcohol
your only argument is your social life ?
you obsess over this thinking ?
You can have a social life without alcohol the only ppl who think like this are the addicted
your not alone i thought id be a monk/hermit in sobriety
how wrong i was i have a better fantastic life
sobriety is like a upgrade of self you get 'you' back youl have an even better social life
well done on finding us
your only argument is your social life ?
you obsess over this thinking ?
You can have a social life without alcohol the only ppl who think like this are the addicted
your not alone i thought id be a monk/hermit in sobriety
how wrong i was i have a better fantastic life
sobriety is like a upgrade of self you get 'you' back youl have an even better social life
well done on finding us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by Purpleknight
I couldn't have both, I was either drinking or I was Sober, there was no in between, and because there was no in between compromise between my 2 lives, one of my lives had to go, and that was my drinking life, I couldn't continue to drink but still have that productive Sunday morning, I too wanted to continue to drink but without the consequences, but unfortunately that option didn't exist.
Alcohol isn't the centre of the universe when it comes to a social life, we can think it is, because that's all we did at the weekend, but there is so much more out there to do, and these new activities will create those "sober friends" that you're lacking at the moment.
It all boiled down to what I wanted, worrying about what others thought about me not drinking, worrying about easing back on not going out to bars etc etc, those sort of thoughts got me nowhere in the past, and I'd probably still be drinking due to that indirect peer pressure we can create in our own minds.
Instead I needed to make my own choice, which lifestyle was going to be more beneficial to me, and then build on that, but it's going to take time, we can't have an awe inspiring, jump out of bed, exciting Sober life overnight, when all we've done for years is hit the bar and drink!!
We need to build a new life, it'll take time, but it's worth it!!
Alcohol isn't the centre of the universe when it comes to a social life, we can think it is, because that's all we did at the weekend, but there is so much more out there to do, and these new activities will create those "sober friends" that you're lacking at the moment.
It all boiled down to what I wanted, worrying about what others thought about me not drinking, worrying about easing back on not going out to bars etc etc, those sort of thoughts got me nowhere in the past, and I'd probably still be drinking due to that indirect peer pressure we can create in our own minds.
Instead I needed to make my own choice, which lifestyle was going to be more beneficial to me, and then build on that, but it's going to take time, we can't have an awe inspiring, jump out of bed, exciting Sober life overnight, when all we've done for years is hit the bar and drink!!
We need to build a new life, it'll take time, but it's worth it!!
Yes I suppose you do have to weigh things up and choose one way of life for the other. Maybe it's true we do lose an element of social life ultimately by stopping drinking, but that is a minor cost.
Initially I did one month sober, and last month I have been drinking again. But already I feel like I want to do go back to sober life. I don't feel bad about drinking these last few weeks as I said to myself I would do a month at least which I did. I feel good that I know that I am on my way to making a positive long term choice not to drink. This weekend I have been drinking and I hate how sluggish and tired I have been feeling during the daytime. I could have done everything I did this weekend without drinking as well. Nonetheless, I am not beating myself up about it. For me right now I am just trying to be kind to myself and know that I am making progress. It's just figuring out a few things..
I am buying a car again in the next few weeks, and I think once I have that it will give me the independence to go out and not drink again, as I have the extra reason motto drink because I am driving and because it makes seeing to friends more convenient so I find it a good way as it makes socialising easier yet also gives me another reason not to drink, so that should help that socialising problem
I'm really glad I found SR..great to have you guys around..
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
While I was drinking, I was a little bit too "interesting" for my own good.
I too was very young when I first got sober many years ago. I quickly found that I had very little in common with my drinking buddies, and that my entire life had revolved around drinking. The mythical "middle way" was not something that ever interested me.
We tend to connect with people who mirror our own personal development, and we have the best chance to be with someone who's healthy and sober as we grow in our own sobriety. Otherwise, dating and romance is more like a video game in which we accumulate millions of worthless points that never bring us to a better place in the real world (and for which we are willing to sacrifice hours, days, weeks, months...even years of our lives), but which may or may not only satisfy a fleeting personal need (often based on fear alone) without the benefits available in a more mature version of love.
I too was very young when I first got sober many years ago. I quickly found that I had very little in common with my drinking buddies, and that my entire life had revolved around drinking. The mythical "middle way" was not something that ever interested me.
We tend to connect with people who mirror our own personal development, and we have the best chance to be with someone who's healthy and sober as we grow in our own sobriety. Otherwise, dating and romance is more like a video game in which we accumulate millions of worthless points that never bring us to a better place in the real world (and for which we are willing to sacrifice hours, days, weeks, months...even years of our lives), but which may or may not only satisfy a fleeting personal need (often based on fear alone) without the benefits available in a more mature version of love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Northwest Indiana
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by chickippo
i used to reel at the thought of not going out drinking. what else was there to DO? endless, circular conversations with other drunks, making friends with desperately unsuitable people, spending money with nothing to show for it but a hangover. brilliant, right?
no.
the last year or so of my drinking, i didn't want to go out. nobody drank the way i did. and it was awful trying not to appear drunk when i'd sunk a few at home before even going to the pub. my drinking became a solitary activity - the only goal was to feed the animal in my head until it stopped shouting and gave me some peace.
i'm six months sober now. and, do you know what? out of all the friends i drank with over the last ten years, guess how many want to see me socially now i'm sober? none. not even one. my friends are those i made in my twenties, the ones that stick by each other no matter what. i have made amazing friends in AA. it's as if for those 10 years with my ex husband, i was just a shadow.
life without booze can be achingly sweet. just being actually, finally AWAKE to the beauty and joy that was there all along.
i'm not going back. and i absolutely LOVED booze and socialising. i don't miss it one bit.
no.
the last year or so of my drinking, i didn't want to go out. nobody drank the way i did. and it was awful trying not to appear drunk when i'd sunk a few at home before even going to the pub. my drinking became a solitary activity - the only goal was to feed the animal in my head until it stopped shouting and gave me some peace.
i'm six months sober now. and, do you know what? out of all the friends i drank with over the last ten years, guess how many want to see me socially now i'm sober? none. not even one. my friends are those i made in my twenties, the ones that stick by each other no matter what. i have made amazing friends in AA. it's as if for those 10 years with my ex husband, i was just a shadow.
life without booze can be achingly sweet. just being actually, finally AWAKE to the beauty and joy that was there all along.
i'm not going back. and i absolutely LOVED booze and socialising. i don't miss it one bit.
When I became sober, I found out who my true friends were REAL fast.People I had considered my friends for years were really nothing more than drinking buddies.
I had a recent relapse this summer after almost four years of sobriety
But I am sober again for the last month. I've never been to AA before - I wasn't crazy about airing my dirty laundry in front of a bunch of strangers (or, even worse - running into someone I know). I never considered the social aspect of AA. Even though I have a handful of good friends, it would nice to have some who KNOW what I am going through.
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