Youngandfoolish

Hey Everyone,

Im 23 years old and i definitely have an alcohol problem. Am i addicted? Im not to sure, i can go weeks without a drink, but when i do drink 9 times out of 10 i dont stop until ive blacked out or extremely drunk.

I grew up in a drinking culture here in the UK, it was always praised to get as drunk as possible and seen as a good thing, it was funny, exciting and would create some fun memories we would look back on and laugh at. I need to snap out of it, now.

Ive been drinking ever since the age of 14/15, i always classed feeling drunk was just tipsy and you hadnt achieved a drunken state until you were blacking out or not remembering the night, so i use to and still do always drunk to that point. Okay i go for some work drinks now and only have a few but if i go a week without being drunk i do have an urge of going out and getting wasted. I come from a broken home and had a ****** childhood that didnt help the drinking to begin with, however i cant use that as an excuse anymore.

Booze has never been my friend and im only realising this now, i use to think (up until yesterdy) that booze and partying was part of my identity, thats who i am, its what i do, im the guy everyone can go out with have a great time. In reality, booze has cost me relationships, friendships, alot of money, countless lost iphones, purforated my eardrums and regret fuellex anxiety and im worried if i dont stop it will soon effect my career.

The other night was the last straw for me, ive finally realised that i have a problem. We had a work do, (being a student only 2 years ago anythng thats free being drinks or food i still take to excess) which was good fun, i was taking 2 drinks at a time from the bar(pretending ones for my mate) just to make sure they dont run out, we went to the pub afterwords and then complete black out, i woke up on my workplace sofa around 7am, shocked i got up and went home, I do live quite far out of town so if i stay out past midnight it usually means i cant get home, and for the states im in thats really dangerous.

I came home without my coat and jacket, luckily i went back to the bar and i left them there, he told me how drunk i was and i was getting thrown out of bars left right and centre, i was embaressed down right ashamed infact. Anyway i went to the cashpoint and tried to get some cash out, it said i had hit my daily withdrawn limit, i was shocked. I went to the bank and apprently i had withdrew £300(my cash limit) at 1 47am and i have no idea what i did with it. I have some vague memory of being in a car with a stranger, i think he robbed me, either way its freaked me out big time and i beleive if i dont stop now ill one day end up dead or in jail.

I also apparently spent alot of the night calling my ex girlfriend who now wont talk to me. At the moment my career is all i really have going for me, im scared now that if i continue alcohol might take away that last good thing in my life and i need to stop.

Nevermind being scared about the damage i must of done to my liver and brain by getting blackout drunk so many times, I need to take responsibility and move past this. I need to find new hobbies instead of drinking and clubbing etc, ive signed up for a game of football today and im hoping to continue that and discover new hobbies and move forward with my life with what i have.

I need to start giving more of a **** about myself,i dont love myself, if i go out and do stupid things, i only care about what ex/gf thought about me and id upset her rather than any financial or other damage id done to myself. Why dont i care?

Any responses would be great, as i feel totally ashamed right now of what ive done and what could have happened many times in the past.

Its time to give it the kick, my friends wont like it, but its something i need to do if im to hit my full potential and live a fulfilling life

Thanks for hearing me out.

bookmaven

Hi there. It sounds like you're in the right place. You'll find lots of support here.

I went through a lot of similar things that you mentioned.

First things first - don't drink. Sure your friends won't like it. But they wouldn't like visiting your grave either. When I got sober I found out who my real friends were. Most of my so called "friends" turned out to be just drinking buddies.

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR Young & Foolish

Really nice to meet you

Try18

I first really realised I was an alcoholic at 23. Have spent the last 4 years allowing it to get worse and worse, and it was already bad enough. I wish I had dealt with it then and not allowed it to escalate further.

Please seek support now and don't let it continue on. You can do this! SR is a great place for support. AA also has an increasing amount of young people.

I wish you well!!! Welcome x

least

Welcome! You're smart to quit drinking so young. You'll have fewer regrets when you get to be my age if you quit drinking now.

hayley86

Welcome! You are making a great decision to stop drinking. I knew i had an alcohol problem when i was in my early twenties but i ignored all the red flags and carried on regardless. Once upon a time i was also able to take breaks in my drinking but whenever i did pick up a drink again i would always end up blind drunk and blacking out. Things got progressively worse for me in just a few short years and by the time i did finally stop (when i was 26) i was drinking daily and i was extremely ill. You are very wise to reach out for help. SR is a great place for support and advice, it's helped me a lot. Glad you've joined us.

JanieJ

Welcome, Young and foolish -you don't sound foolish to me at all ! I'm the foolish one , drinking until I was 52 !

I have had many nights like the one you described.

I'm in the UK as well, and also had a s**t childhood. I understand that. I had a lot of counselling over the years and finally feel ok about myself. Perhaps when you feel ready you could get some too.

I'm so glad you found us and are one of those who know you have a problem. I know what 's it like going to a pub here, everyone thinking it's cool to get rat- arsed, especially at your age.

You will find tons of support, info and resources.

Mags1

Welcome to SR, YoungandFoolish, a lot of help and experience on this forum. Pleased you found us.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!

desypete

i went to aa when i was 23 as my life was like yours with the drinking except i was now going to prison and getting into serious trouble when drunk

the reason i never went to aa before is because i didn't feel i was an alcoholic as in my mind those guys were far worse than me with drink, i could go all week without a drink and only drink at the weekends so again in my head, an alcoholic couldn't do that as they need to drink every day dont they !!!

well i soon found out that i am an alcoholic and had always been one just that it hadn't got as bad with me yet but if i carried on drinking it most surely would end up with me losing a lot more than just a few months in jail

if i take one drink it starts off a craving inside of me that is just to strong for me to ignore, normaly drinkers dont have this reaction to drink they can drink one and leave it were as to me it just starts the process off and i end up drinking to black out and then doing things i just dont know i am doing and certainly would never do them should i be sober
its like a dr jekel and mr hide when i take a drink and it leads on and on

i honestly thought an alcoholic was someone who is more like a tramp out on the streets homeless etc

those tramps out on the streets were once like you and me they would take a drink and get drunk and not be able to stop
over the course of many years the drinking has took over there life more and more until they come completely dependent on it, they end up losing there jobs and money, then there homes and end up with no family around them anymore or anyone they can get to look after them or put up with them

i dont want to end up like that as i know thats what would happen to me if i carried on drinking

so for me aa was the key as i learned to so much and still to this day am learning but one things i am not doing anymore is waking up with any guilt shame or remorse for what i did last night, and i can remember everything about last night
good luck to you

Ythill

Like you, I knew I had a problem when I was in my early 20s, but I chose to ignore it because I thought I'd grow out of it. Now, here I am, 29, coping with the fact that my life is a functional mess. It's not about the surface of your drinking, but rather what happens to you inside. I believe that the length of dry time doesn't matter for alcoholics. Once you pick up again, you're right back to where you were before. In my experience, I'd take a week or so, have one on a Friday and wake up Sunday with zero recollection of what I did.

I have many disagreements with the Big Book of AA, but one thing that resonates with me is that alcoholism is a progressive and fatal mental, physical and spiritual condition. There have been times where I've been able to have 1 or 2 and walk away, but they're so few and far between that it hardly proves I have any control over my drinking. I think that if you're blacking out regularly, chances are you might be powerless over the stuff (once you start drinking it, of course). I wish you nothing but the best. You being here helps me.

Anna

I think lack of self-love and a basic caring of ourselves is often at the root of alcoholism. Would we be able to put poison into our bodies regularly, if we cared about ourselves? Of course not.

Youngandfoolish

Thank you all for your comments i can assure they are a big help to me.

Today i went to play football for the first time in years and it was like a breath of fresh air, doing something social that didnt involve drinking does seem abit weird i admit that.

I dont feel im at the stage that i need AA... the thing is ive never tried to stop before, if i find that i cant stop now im actually trying to then maybe that is a solution. I also never drink by myself, the hard part for me is saying no to the ridiculous amount of events i get off friends for parties and nights out.

One thing i have noticed from all this drinking is my memory is terrible, and im beating myself up about it, im on 23 and cant even remember what i did for 22nd birthday without somebody rejogging my memory...

Will it improve if i go T total? Ive also always had high anxiety and this is just making things worse....

Soberwolf

Guarenteed Memory will improve everything with time

Dee74

Welcome aboard youngandfoolish - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here

D

StarXI

Just wanted to let you know I'm 29 now. At age 23 was when I blacked out behind the wheel and crashed my car into a parked one. No one was hurt and a few days later I spent my 24th bday sober. I was a bartender at the time so I guess you can imagine how long that lasted...
But honestly I wish it had. I'm now 29 - trying to quit again after the hospital and jail - and let me tell you if you don't stop now - it will only get worse not better.

The most important thing I can say is ... Find new friends. Reinvent yourself. You can now be known as the totally rad, nice, FIT, cool, sober dude everyone WISHES they could be like if they just stopped hitting the sauce.

I mean really? Who WANTS to be that drunken gross idiot at the bar. Nobody. It might be "cute" at 21 - but trust me ... 29 ain't cute anymore. If you're blacking out NOW that's NOT a good sign of things to come.

Thought about school much? Could be helpful in finding direction and keeping occupied! You don't have to end up broken like your family (same story here).

I believe in you dude!

dcrr

Thanks for the honesty in your post. I can relate a lot (although I kept going past 23). It's great you are taking charge of the issue now and we are all here to support you. SR is an awesome place!

desypete

i to felt at 23 i didnt really need aa as my only problem was like i said drinking to black out and doing things i was ashamed of on a regular basis and it had been that way with me drinking ever since i was a kid
at 16 i nearly killed myself putting my arm through a glass window at home cut myself real bad and my poor old mum went through hell with it all

but i put it down to maybe there is somthing wrong with me rather than notice that i was always getting drunk when i drank
i thought everone did it
but looking back at when i was 16 my mates got drunk or tipsy but they never drank like i did were they got into trouble even back then they had some sort of off switch

i wish i was the one who carried them home from partys or whatever but it wasnt it was always them carrying me home until they got fed up of taking care of me i lost my friend very early on
i mean who would want to be out with someone who you know is going to spoil the evening once the drink gets hold?

the sad thing about it for me was i should of been in aa when i was 16 i could of saved myself from getting a criminal record and going to prison
i have never broken the law sober in my life yet i have a string of convictions from drink driving to assault to drunk and disorderly behaviour etc

the local police knew me by name as i was getting to be a regular and they knew what i would be like the next day, full of remorse wishing i had not drank last night etc

at 23 i went into aa and i stuck around for 3 years then left aa as i thought i knew it all
15 years later i started drinking again, 8 years later from starting again, i ended up back in trouble, going back to prison, i lost my 2 small kids to socal services care, my older kids turned there back on me, i lost my business and all my money
i lost it all and ended up in a flat that was given to me by a hostel chairty type of group without it i would of been homeless and pennyless
but i still kept on drinking and daily drinking by now

when i went back to aa i got it all back again and been sober now for 10 years i got my kids out of care 9 years ago been a single parent dad ever since
my kids got there sober dad back the good man that they love, they hated the drunk dad that they had to put up with

but my story is just what aa told me would happen to me if i am an alcoholic and i carry on drinking
i could of saved myself all that pain and suffering and my kids from suffering to if only i had of stuck around aa
there was no online help back then there was only aa or dry out lock up places under the mental health act on offer in terms of help for drunks
but your drinking had to have gone far down to be able to get the in house treatment there really was so very little help out there and the world looked down its nose on people who couldnt handle there drink back then as well

today there are so many different forms of help out there that drunks are spolied for choice so there is plenty of help around for you my friend
good luck to you

Fishcakes4

welcome to SR. I can relate with a lot of what you posted, I'm a binger too. You will find a lot of great support here!

JasonNorth

You sound like a very sensible person.

I wish you all the luck with your sober life.