I need to be held accountable, so Monday I go to rehab
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Northwest Indiana
Posts: 5
TDG, I am a newbie here, but I wish you much luck. It's ok to be nervous. I've had 2 friends go to rehab this year, and they both say it was the best thing they did for themselves EVER, and they are both SO much happier now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 125
Great news. I've been hoping to see this post from you for awhile Jeremy. I felt a collective SR sigh of relief when I read this.
There is lots of love and concern directed your way from here. Use it, and your obvious passion for life, and your family, to persevere with this opportunity.
We are all hoping this is the turning point for you!
Earlyriser
There is lots of love and concern directed your way from here. Use it, and your obvious passion for life, and your family, to persevere with this opportunity.
We are all hoping this is the turning point for you!
Earlyriser
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Jeremy, I did inpatient last summer and for me it was a new beginning.
I don't recognize the girl who checked in. I went because I knew something had to change. And honestly, there was nothing that seemed more difficult that the road that I was headed down if I continued to drink. I had become a shell of my former self. I needed to be told what to do for a bit, it was a relief.
The discomfort of being thrust into an alternative environment jolted me out of the stupor that had settled over me the last year of drinking. I was in a strange place without my safety net, wake up call central. The beauty was that all of us who were there were in the same boat. For once, I was in a place where my vulnerabilities were what I was being identified by. The years of wearing masks and pretense slipped away.
It was a relief to find someplace to go because I was not okay. It was a relief to look at the kind faces of the staff who didn't judge, many of whom had been in my shoes. It was okay to have shaky hands while trying to each breakfast. Hell, we all had shaky hands, the guy who wasn't trembling was the odd man out.
It was a place to be human. Not a mother, or a wife, or an employee, or an athlete. How rare is that in life? To be able to show up, say I am broken and I need help.
The night I walked into rehab was the last night I drank. And I do feel that in some ways that experience does hold me accountable. It impressed upon me the seriousness of what all of us are dealing with. I saw firsthand how alcoholism and addiction can decimate lives of incredible people. I saw that a lot of us were wrestling with similar demons….those demons don't fare well when the are brought out into the light. They lose a lot of their power. There are times I miss the humanness I shared within that setting.
Going inpatient could not have been less congruent with who I imagined myself to be. But in retrospect, it was when I stopped struggling that the chains slipped away. For me it was like going on a retreat with a bunch of SR friends. We all had our own stuff, but we all shared a bond. I know that you are making the right choice.
I don't recognize the girl who checked in. I went because I knew something had to change. And honestly, there was nothing that seemed more difficult that the road that I was headed down if I continued to drink. I had become a shell of my former self. I needed to be told what to do for a bit, it was a relief.
The discomfort of being thrust into an alternative environment jolted me out of the stupor that had settled over me the last year of drinking. I was in a strange place without my safety net, wake up call central. The beauty was that all of us who were there were in the same boat. For once, I was in a place where my vulnerabilities were what I was being identified by. The years of wearing masks and pretense slipped away.
It was a relief to find someplace to go because I was not okay. It was a relief to look at the kind faces of the staff who didn't judge, many of whom had been in my shoes. It was okay to have shaky hands while trying to each breakfast. Hell, we all had shaky hands, the guy who wasn't trembling was the odd man out.
It was a place to be human. Not a mother, or a wife, or an employee, or an athlete. How rare is that in life? To be able to show up, say I am broken and I need help.
The night I walked into rehab was the last night I drank. And I do feel that in some ways that experience does hold me accountable. It impressed upon me the seriousness of what all of us are dealing with. I saw firsthand how alcoholism and addiction can decimate lives of incredible people. I saw that a lot of us were wrestling with similar demons….those demons don't fare well when the are brought out into the light. They lose a lot of their power. There are times I miss the humanness I shared within that setting.
Going inpatient could not have been less congruent with who I imagined myself to be. But in retrospect, it was when I stopped struggling that the chains slipped away. For me it was like going on a retreat with a bunch of SR friends. We all had our own stuff, but we all shared a bond. I know that you are making the right choice.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Jeremy
I have been following your posts for a long time now. It really made me smile to read this one. It is something you gotta do man.
You can do this buddy, right here with you. This is the start of your new life.
Try not to worry about going. How about distracting yourself by getting things packed. Make sure you're 'ready to go' come Monday.
I have been following your posts for a long time now. It really made me smile to read this one. It is something you gotta do man.
You can do this buddy, right here with you. This is the start of your new life.
Try not to worry about going. How about distracting yourself by getting things packed. Make sure you're 'ready to go' come Monday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
So my decision isn't without issues, you see I have a alcoholic wife. She is passed out drunk now, I love her to death. She doesn't want help, she isn't pursuing help, she has no support system.
Going to rehab means that I give up on someone I really love, she might literally kill herself while I am gone. She lives abovie .10 BAC, That scrares me, we were high school sweet hearts, she is loving caring person when sober. She loves the world, I feel so damn bad, but I can't do this one more day.
She will hopefully detox in a bad way and get help, I writing her a note right now, my last attempt at trying to make sense. This is part of the reason, I've been so reluctant to get help.
I don't think I should abandon her, but I think she abandon herself a long time ago. So with a hardened heart and sadly, I am going to abandon this sinking ship, its sad I didn't want it to end like this. This isn't my idealistic life, we're best friends, and now I have to leave my best friend, and leave it to the universe. That scares the hell out of me
Going to rehab means that I give up on someone I really love, she might literally kill herself while I am gone. She lives abovie .10 BAC, That scrares me, we were high school sweet hearts, she is loving caring person when sober. She loves the world, I feel so damn bad, but I can't do this one more day.
She will hopefully detox in a bad way and get help, I writing her a note right now, my last attempt at trying to make sense. This is part of the reason, I've been so reluctant to get help.
I don't think I should abandon her, but I think she abandon herself a long time ago. So with a hardened heart and sadly, I am going to abandon this sinking ship, its sad I didn't want it to end like this. This isn't my idealistic life, we're best friends, and now I have to leave my best friend, and leave it to the universe. That scares the hell out of me
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I'm really glad to hear this news J.
You;re not giving up on your wife either.
You know when the planes going down they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first? same deal here.
You can't hope to be of use to others if you're no use to yourself.
Your wife's journey is her own...I hope that maybe you going to rehab might be inspirational for her too - who knows?
Best wishes man
D
You;re not giving up on your wife either.
You know when the planes going down they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first? same deal here.
You can't hope to be of use to others if you're no use to yourself.
Your wife's journey is her own...I hope that maybe you going to rehab might be inspirational for her too - who knows?
Best wishes man
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: la, ca
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
Sorry about yesterday, I was drunk and posting craziness again. I thank all of you that wrote me private messages and responded. Will now, the time has come, I must dutifully report to rehab on Monday.
A good friend of mine on here ( you know you you are brother) has urged me to make this post, so you, this community holds me accountable for my actions. So please if you have kind words, or something?
I am going on Monday, this stupidity has to stop, all of you care about me I know you do, and i disappoint myself and others.
Somebody, even said yesterday, I was the reason they joined SR, and they started getting sober because of my post, that means I bare some responsibility beyond just me, I am going to take that responsibility and do the right thing, and go to Rehab on Monday thanks for reading all.
A good friend of mine on here ( you know you you are brother) has urged me to make this post, so you, this community holds me accountable for my actions. So please if you have kind words, or something?
I am going on Monday, this stupidity has to stop, all of you care about me I know you do, and i disappoint myself and others.
Somebody, even said yesterday, I was the reason they joined SR, and they started getting sober because of my post, that means I bare some responsibility beyond just me, I am going to take that responsibility and do the right thing, and go to Rehab on Monday thanks for reading all.
Best of luck - you can do it!
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