New Kid On The Block
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6
New Kid On The Block
Hi All,
I'm 38 and functioning alcoholic, I'm not sure I like the term and I hate to recognise it, it's depressing.
I'm due to get married in december and I want so much to stop drinking for my partner. She's been through a lot in life and I dont want her to have to cope with my addiction.
I'm quite bad as I will hide my drinking from her and she notices a lot of the time and mentions it but I find it extremely difficult to open up to her about out. Partly I guess out of guilt.
Fact is I enjoy drinking and crave it once the evening time comes round. I stopped for a month earlier in the year and then for a couple of weeks at a time but have drank every day for the last 3 weeks.
I know it's a matter of will power, I just thought I would join up to see if it helps motivate me through the inspiration of other members.
Peace & Respect.
I'm 38 and functioning alcoholic, I'm not sure I like the term and I hate to recognise it, it's depressing.
I'm due to get married in december and I want so much to stop drinking for my partner. She's been through a lot in life and I dont want her to have to cope with my addiction.
I'm quite bad as I will hide my drinking from her and she notices a lot of the time and mentions it but I find it extremely difficult to open up to her about out. Partly I guess out of guilt.
Fact is I enjoy drinking and crave it once the evening time comes round. I stopped for a month earlier in the year and then for a couple of weeks at a time but have drank every day for the last 3 weeks.
I know it's a matter of will power, I just thought I would join up to see if it helps motivate me through the inspiration of other members.
Peace & Respect.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hello and welcome to the site! I'm glad you've found us.
I too was a "functioning alcoholic" until I fell off the edge and suddenly realized I was very rapidly becoming "unfunctioning" I am 27 days sober now and I will tell you that everything is so much easier now.
I too enjoyed parts of my drinking, and am still facing cravings, but all in all life is a whole lot better without it.
I too was a "functioning alcoholic" until I fell off the edge and suddenly realized I was very rapidly becoming "unfunctioning" I am 27 days sober now and I will tell you that everything is so much easier now.
I too enjoyed parts of my drinking, and am still facing cravings, but all in all life is a whole lot better without it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire, UK
Posts: 712
Hi pineappleexpress! Welcome to SR! It's great that you have recognised there is an issue and you will find loads of support on here!
I have found (as many have!) it takes a little bit more than will power alone to quit. I have had several relapses due to thinking I could do it alone, but now I have here and attend AA and take each day at a time.
One question from me is, do you really enjoy it? I think we have all said this at one point or another, but actually I never did!
Welcome!
I have found (as many have!) it takes a little bit more than will power alone to quit. I have had several relapses due to thinking I could do it alone, but now I have here and attend AA and take each day at a time.
One question from me is, do you really enjoy it? I think we have all said this at one point or another, but actually I never did!
Welcome!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Pineapple, it's so good that you want to give up for your fiancee's sake, but you really need to believe in it yourself to succeed. What is a small elephant in the room at the moment will grow into a huge dinosaur once you're married. Hiding how much you're drinking will not be easy, and you'll be sucked into a cycle of lying and resentment.
Can I suggest you talk to your GP first up, as well as read as much as you can, on the internet, on SR and Amazon? Convince yourself how you'll harm yourself and your relationships if you continue.
I was once in your situation and although I miss drinking at times, becoming sober was the best thing I ever did, and I'd never go back.
Can I suggest you talk to your GP first up, as well as read as much as you can, on the internet, on SR and Amazon? Convince yourself how you'll harm yourself and your relationships if you continue.
I was once in your situation and although I miss drinking at times, becoming sober was the best thing I ever did, and I'd never go back.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Pineappleexpress
for me it wasn't about will at all...it was about acceptance and accepting that I could drink, or I could be the man I wanted to be - but I couldn't be both.
I had top change my life I lot and I used the support I found a lot - but it was worth it - I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about.
You can too
Glad you've joined us
D
for me it wasn't about will at all...it was about acceptance and accepting that I could drink, or I could be the man I wanted to be - but I couldn't be both.
I had top change my life I lot and I used the support I found a lot - but it was worth it - I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about.
You can too
Glad you've joined us
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here!
If it were about will power this forum would be pretty empty!!
There are many roads to recovery, I have found one that is in the phone book under save my life ........ it's the first two letters of the alphabet.
Not being glib, but will power only gets us so far. For me, that was drunk most of the time.
You are in a great place - acceptance, willingness ( different than willpower) and desire are the keys that unlock the gate of sobriety! If you have these and are ready the world of undrunk is there for you - one day at a time.
Keep posting, look around - lot of great people, helpful tips and plans.......
fly
If it were about will power this forum would be pretty empty!!
There are many roads to recovery, I have found one that is in the phone book under save my life ........ it's the first two letters of the alphabet.
Not being glib, but will power only gets us so far. For me, that was drunk most of the time.
You are in a great place - acceptance, willingness ( different than willpower) and desire are the keys that unlock the gate of sobriety! If you have these and are ready the world of undrunk is there for you - one day at a time.
Keep posting, look around - lot of great people, helpful tips and plans.......
fly
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
SMART Recovery and LifeRing are pretty active in the UK, tho not as widespread as AA/
Both are secular in nature and meeting based.
SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK
LifeRing UK - LifeRing
I've heard good things about addaction too but I know nothing about them personally
How we support adults - Addaction
D
Both are secular in nature and meeting based.
SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK
LifeRing UK - LifeRing
I've heard good things about addaction too but I know nothing about them personally
How we support adults - Addaction
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Alcoholism has very little to do with will power. Plenty of strong-willed and disciplined people out there are powerless over alcohol. I imagine that the odds will be stacked against your marriage lasting if you are bringing a drinking problem into it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by Wastinglife 
Alcoholism has very little to do with will power. Plenty of strong-willed and disciplined people out there are powerless over alcohol. I imagine that the odds will be stacked against your marriage lasting if you are bringing a drinking problem into it.
That was really constructive, thanks!!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Yes what D said there is Smart recovery
i also went to the local drug & alcohol team with the nhs and they put me in touch with 2 diffrent organisations if you want you could do this too
i also went AA
i done whatever i could to stay sober good luck
i also went to the local drug & alcohol team with the nhs and they put me in touch with 2 diffrent organisations if you want you could do this too
i also went AA
i done whatever i could to stay sober good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
I love that term "functional alcoholic". It should be "I'm holding it together and drinking but wanted to throw this out there now because I'm very close to becoming non-functional and I won't let myself become that." We know the truth. Despite outward appearances I was a slave and everything I did was for the booze. Continued drinking will make me compromise everything eventually.
Best wishes on detoxing and quitting. I found the Secular Forums and RR 5 months ago and it helped me look at it differently and I was able to address the voice that makes the irrational seem rational. I don't drink anymore. Period.
I will add that I was in a bad shape all around from continuous drinking so that was a factor and I remember like yesterday how that felt.
Best wishes on detoxing and quitting. I found the Secular Forums and RR 5 months ago and it helped me look at it differently and I was able to address the voice that makes the irrational seem rational. I don't drink anymore. Period.
I will add that I was in a bad shape all around from continuous drinking so that was a factor and I remember like yesterday how that felt.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Pineapple and welcome. I agree with what has been said about willpower. It helped me to understand that my drinking had oozed into every aspect of my life.
It wasn't "I have my real life, oh, and I also have this drinking problem that I need to address." It was more like "drinking problem is my life right now", because it truly did affect every part of my life, in some obvious ways, but many more subtle ways.
Without realizing it protecting my drinking had become the main axis in which my days were planned. It was that constant voice in my head that was always calculating, anticipating, negotiating.
So when I got sober it took acceptance and a lot of uncomfortable honesty. I thought life was difficult then, and that alcohol made the difficulties better. What I did not realize was that many of the difficulties stemmed from the fact that I wasn't really living a calculated, accountable present life.
Even over a year later, I continue to be pleasantly surprised at how life became easier and a lot more manageable.
I know it feels really scary to think of a life without alcohol. But you aren't giving up something, you are untangling yourself from something that is strangling you. This isn't about loss, it is about ownership, and taking back what is rightfully yours, a good life.
I wouldn't discount any options at the outset. There are different approaches and I had to figure out what mindset best aligned with the parts of my psyche that I honor. But just by being here on SR you will get a good cross section of a lot of different approaches some of us have taken.
Glad you are here!
It wasn't "I have my real life, oh, and I also have this drinking problem that I need to address." It was more like "drinking problem is my life right now", because it truly did affect every part of my life, in some obvious ways, but many more subtle ways.
Without realizing it protecting my drinking had become the main axis in which my days were planned. It was that constant voice in my head that was always calculating, anticipating, negotiating.
So when I got sober it took acceptance and a lot of uncomfortable honesty. I thought life was difficult then, and that alcohol made the difficulties better. What I did not realize was that many of the difficulties stemmed from the fact that I wasn't really living a calculated, accountable present life.
Even over a year later, I continue to be pleasantly surprised at how life became easier and a lot more manageable.
I know it feels really scary to think of a life without alcohol. But you aren't giving up something, you are untangling yourself from something that is strangling you. This isn't about loss, it is about ownership, and taking back what is rightfully yours, a good life.
I wouldn't discount any options at the outset. There are different approaches and I had to figure out what mindset best aligned with the parts of my psyche that I honor. But just by being here on SR you will get a good cross section of a lot of different approaches some of us have taken.
Glad you are here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by soberwolf
Yes what D said there is Smart recovery
i also went to the local drug & alcohol team with the nhs and they put me in touch with 2 diffrent organisations if you want you could do this too
i also went AA
i done whatever i could to stay sober good luck
i also went to the local drug & alcohol team with the nhs and they put me in touch with 2 diffrent organisations if you want you could do this too
i also went AA
i done whatever i could to stay sober good luck
Thankful for this community
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 371
Welcome to SR. I've been here only a short while but it has shown me, a guy who is used to succeeding on my own, that I have support with recovery - something I had not been able to do alone. People are wonderful, welcoming, non-judgemental and most importantly for me, have experience I must rely on in order to succeed!
Read a lot and post here too.
I hope you find a plan that works for you.
Read a lot and post here too.
I hope you find a plan that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 189
welcome. I too am a functioning alcoholic. It is worth it. I hope that you can shake this monkey and make your fiancee happier than ever. You don't want to have secrets in a marriage. It will make your life and marriage that much stronger.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Welcome, Pine! There was a time (not too long ago!) that I came on SR. I wondered if I belonged here because despite my drinking I was "functional". The problem was my drinking was really taking over my life. I caught myself wanting to have "just a little" to celebrate because it was a Saturday morning! It really is a progressive problem.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey PINEAPPLEEXPRES, welcome! You've found a great spot for support.
Yeah, this is sort of how it all begins for many, however sooner or later the 'party' has to come to an end. And at 38, it might be time to get your arms around it now, before things get bad.
I considered my self as "high functioning" too, and to be honest I had no desire to stop. It wasn't until I received a call from my doctor's office in reference to some elevated liver enzymes, that got me to say enough is enough.
I've since discovered how much better things actually are after I stopped, not to mention all of the other positives that go along with being a non-drinker.
Welcome to the team!
Fact is I enjoy drinking and crave it...
I considered my self as "high functioning" too, and to be honest I had no desire to stop. It wasn't until I received a call from my doctor's office in reference to some elevated liver enzymes, that got me to say enough is enough.
I've since discovered how much better things actually are after I stopped, not to mention all of the other positives that go along with being a non-drinker.
Welcome to the team!
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