| Brian316 | 10-24-2014 07:03 PM |
1 Year Sober Today
Hey everyone. My name is Wade and I'm an alcoholic. Probably an addict too. Brian 316 is one of a few screen names I've used on here and changed in the past because I was embarrassed to come back after I would relapse. Today I celebrate one year sober. One year that I haven't felt it necessary to take a drink or mind altering drug. The longest I have ever gone since I began using alcohol and drugs habitually at age 16. I could tell you all about what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. But I'm gonna try to post my story as a blog once I figure that out.
Anyway. A year ago today I found myself in this seedy motel with some warm beers floating in the sink of melted ice from the night before. Some of you probably know this kind of place. I woke up wondering why I was still there because you see when I went to sleep I was thinking what a great thing it would be if I just didn't wake up at all. I woke up and I slammed down those warm nasty beers. I didn't want a live and I didn't want to die. But I also didn't want to suffer anymore. So I called an ambulance because I knew the DT's were starting soon.
A few days before that I had walked out on my family. I walked out because I was a coward and I didn't want to face them and I didn't want to stop drinking. I left a now ex wife holding her last straw and a little girl disappointed and befuddled as to why her daddy wasn't home when she got back after he told her he'd be there waiting for her. I was at the bar when they were in the driveway and in a taxi on my way to drink myself to death while they were unpacking. Yeah. That's the kind of drunk I had become. I wasn't accountable to anyone, I didn't care about anybody and once I got that drink in me the dark side took over with my ego in the driver's seat. I had truly lost control.
Over the course of a couple of days I drank myself broke. When I made it into the hospital I was a total mess. Half hysterical. Crying. I felt like I had finally lost the battle to drink like a normal person, but it was my little girl and my family that were gonna pay the true price. I remember holding onto my phone because it had the only pictures of her I owned.
They told me in the hospital they weren't going to put me in the psych unit because I wasn't hallucinating and I wasn't suicidal. I walked out in the cold without the meds they'd prescribed me for the shakes because I had no money.
You see I struggled with alcohol for years. Counselers, treatment centers, in and out of AA. But AA was the only place I felt like people understood. There were people in there that did the same stuff I did and were not only normal now they were happy! I remembered I'd met this guy once who reached out to me and I always told myself if I ever really "got bad", I'd go find him. Well, I was that bad. I was basically homeless and if the streets didn't kill me alcohol would.
So I went and found this man. Told him the long short of what had happened and he took my to my parents. They were kind enough to let me stay with them for a while, while I sobered up and did what was necessary to begin a new sober life.
That man is my sponsor today and today I am a year sober. Thanks to a higher power I chose to call God, yourselves and people like you. I know I don't post here as much as I used to, but now I am more about responding to posts and trying to help those that are struggling as opposed to asking everyone why I am messed up. You know in my early days alcohol seemed like it would give me everything I didn't have. Confidence, pride, happiness, humor, relaxation. But the one thing it didn't give me is what I have today. And that's hope. Thank you all for reading. :You_Rock_ | 