drinking tonight :(
 

I am drinking tonight. I went 2 1/2 days without drinking, and then today at work I just felt irritable and resentful and anxious.

I am worried about my job... I am resentful toward my co worker, who I used to be good friends with, because of how she treats me now... I am supposed to drive 3 1/2 hours south tomorrow to go home for my Dad's 60th b day, even tho I really don't want to go, I just feel like I should... and I am worried about getting kicked out if I don't find a roommate because I cannot afford the rent on my own.

So when I left work tonight, I picked up a 5th of 50 proof captain morgan, a 2 litter of diet coke, and some seafood. And came home to drink and surf the web instead of going to the AA big book meeting I would have gone to if I decided not to drink tonight.

I am sorry I am so weak willed when it comes to this. I am going to have to start getting it right one of these days. Or things will keep getting worse, very gradually.

After I get back from my trip home, I will go to a meeting, and pick up yet another white chip. I really need to find a sponsor soon because I am not doing well on my own.

I don't think it's being weak willed. I think it's actually pretty wilful...it's not willing to give up on what you know. This is a strategy you've used for many years....

The trouble is, you'll never gain the same sort of trust and faith in other healthier strategies if you never use them.

Don't wait - don't give this weekend, or next week as well, over to BS.

Hit a meeting tomorrow morning. Start working on those other under-utilised options, man

D

at least your starting to see that you can not do it on your own and there is no shame in that
there is help there at aa for you but you have to want it, all i did when i first came around aa was go to meetings day and night i had no job i had nothing really but the meetings and there is were i found company, people who were willing to spend time with me as no one else wanted to be around me i had no one

the rest takes care of itself as far as i am concerned as aa grows on us.
but the difference was with me i wanted it more than i wanted to drink again, i had been beaten, there wasnt anymore fight or convincing i needed
some say i had it easy in aa because of that and i believe i did to i didnt have that constant battle once i got a few weeks in my head cleared up and i was away with them in full flight

its been 10 years now since i have taken a drink but i still go to aa not because i am scared or anything but because i know i will always neen reminding of where i have come from
thanks for your post as you remind me how lucky i am to be free of it i hope you can find the same my friend and good luck to you

Don't be sorry, do something about it. My suggestion would be to first dump out whatever alcohol you have left. Then find a meeting wherever you are, either yet tonight or first thing in the morning. You could do major damage if you keep drinking all weekend. Drinking makes all your problems you mention worse, and it solves nothing.

Hey ItsJustMe89, sorry to hear about your night.

Staying sober can be a battle, but it does take commitment. I feel it also requires changes in one's life style, which may include avoiding people and situations that lead you to drink.
Seems as if 10/24/14 would be a perfect day.

I look forward to seeing more of you in here!

Not always gradually. Sometimes they get worse all at once. :( Please stop drinking. :(

That white chip is availible at the first meeting you go to is there one in the morning you can go to before you leave ?

Good luck

I do think it takes while and some help before getting it right. I don't think that getting drunk is going to make anything better. The first thing you will notice once you stop the crazy cycle is how you'll be able to think things through. And actually that same anxiety that disappears temporarily with alcohol won't be such a factor anymore.
I know,because I was doing the same thing.

Anxiety is a big part, in fact I'd say probably the main reason I drank. A big part of my recovery is accepting I can't control certain things. All I can do is put myself in the best position possible for good things to happen.

I messed up my ankle, I work in fitness, this is a big problem. But I limped to work and they let me work in reception until I'm better.

Just as easily, I could have stayed at home, called in and lost several months of work. Ruining my finances and feeling sorry for myself.

I left my girlfriend because she wanted me to drink. I could have stayed, it was easy, it was comfortable. Instead I made a difficult decision and my life was lonely for a while, but now I've met a girl who thinks it's pretty cool I don't drink. Maybe things will work out, maybe things wont, but it's better than not trying.

I had a well paying job which I left, because I wasn't happy. Lots of people said I was crazy, but now I wake up excited to go to work.

You drank tonight, ok. That doesn't mean you have to drink tomorrow. You can't control the world, but you can change who you are. The life you want will be easier to pursue once you're that person.

Imagine the look on your families face when you turn up to your dads 60th sober.

Itsjustme89, Your words sound all so familiar to me. You are in the early stages of sobriety and to continue you progress in the future you need support. You need to open up and just talk it out before you pick up that drink. I found a addiction counselor who I can talk to freely, which is a big help in these early days of sobriety. Don't discount the progress you've made...get back on the horse and try again. Never give up. Hugs

It's likely you'll feel irritable and anxious any time you are 2.5 days off the bottle, due to lingering withdrawals. Expect it, plan for it, see if you can avoid executing the drinking plan next time around.

Don't beat yourself up too bad, just start thinking about the next day one, put it on your calendar or whatever.

It's hard to get through the early days of withdrawal, but you can do it.

I hope that you decide tonight to stop drinking now. Don't wait till next week because it's too easy put it off.

And, remember there is always support here.