Thomasthetank

I play bass in my spare time. I've gotten to the point where I don't think I'm completely terrible.

I'd love to play with others, but all those situations will lead me to bars. Places I can't be.

It sucks. I just love music, that's all. I'm under no illusion I'll make any money out of it.

Playing along to albums with the bass turned off is one thing, but it's not the same.

It's a shame, I can't exactly write an ad saying "band members wanted, no drinkers... or gigs where alcohol can be available." It's just not realistic.

My sobriety comes first.

Tom.

Fishcakes4

Is there any coffee shops locally that book gigs? I know they do a lot around here and they don't serve alcohol, maybe that is something you could look into? I'd hate for someone to have to give up a dream or passion because they can't go into a certain establishment.

songthread

I know a lot of world class players and writers and, for the most part, they are all sober. There are a lot of sober musicians out there.

You can make a bit of cash playing bass. Bassists and drummers are always in demand. Like you said, however, put your sobriety first. If you get with the right group, they won't be drinking or, if they do, they certainly won't be getting sloshed onstage. They'll be putting the music first.

Dee74

I actually did play with sober people playing coffee shops for a long time Thomas.
It was good fun.

I don't think there's any harm mentioning you're a non drinker and looking for other non drinkers.
like others have said there are many sober musicians and when you get to my age they're not that hard to find

The gig things is another hurdle...but I've been back in the thick of it lately and its been fine.

Mind you it took me years to go back to pubs and drink (and drugs) all around - but I'm just not that guy anymore.

I'm there for the music.

D

BarbieKen

Hi,
My husband plays for fun ( and a little cash, nothing to quit the day job!) in a band, they do restaurants/bars, weddings, High School Reunion etc. He'll be 9 years sober in December, and 53 years old in November. In the beginning of sobriety he expressed doubts of being able to sing & play bass guitar. He's had a few incarnations of his band, but the current one is wonderful. They've been together about 3 years.
When we'd get wasted he's talk about being a rock n roller. But, of course, nothing ever came of it .. Don't give up, life is just beginning again!
. Bobbi

Soberwolf

I DJ but i gave up pubs and clubs as the drink & drugs around me just didnt fit in with my new life i still DJ
at home tho

AncientMariner

Do you still feel vulnerable? or you just don't want to be in that environment?

would you still like to DJ in public?

aasharon90

Music is a WONDERFUL GIFT to enjoy
listening to or play along with instruments.

Ive always loved listening to music like
many others do but never had the opportunity
to learn to play an instrument. However, my
2 little ones grew up with music in their hearts
and learned to both play the Trombone and
French Horn thru out their school yrs with the
band, becoming a Drum Major and moving on
to teaching with a music degree.

Today my son who is a a band director at
his school is teaching and passing on all
the experiences and knowledge that was
taught to him over the yrs. to all those
children wanting to play and live music.

What an AWESOME GIFT of music and
talent.

You have this AWESOME Musiclal Gift
living within you that wants to emerge
and share with many out there in the
world. Being in recovery and living in
Sobriety is another AWESOME GIFT.

Combining both together and passing
on all your own knowledge and experiences
to others in this and up coming generation
can be extremely REWARDING.

Id find a music recovery buddy or others
in recovery and form a band in sobriety
or have one to play along side with to
support each other in recovery.

PASS ON your talent, experiences, strengths
and hopes to many. You own this GIFT within
yourself..!!!

Soberwolf

I dont feel vulnerable no......it's the enviroment of drink & drugs i cant stand ppl who are completly wasted and drugged up to thier eyeballs

Would i like to DJ in public ? .. no it's just a hobby nowadays

Long live Vinyl reciords

AncientMariner

Cool, good on you. I doubted that you felt vulnerable. You hate alcohol and your mind is firmly made up. When your mind is fully made up and doubt has long left and gone to Sheffield to work as a window cleaner, you are free to do and go where you want.

It's a lifestyle choice, rather than a choice influenced by fear.

For those about to spin, we salute you. Yes we do.

Rachinator

I'm not sure if you are religious, but if you are looking to jam try looking into churches. Some of the bigger churches that are more liberal may pay. I know our little church would love to have bass/drums for services (for free). But, they might have connections to other bands that work for you.

trachemys

Church bands, studio musician, coffee shops...there's possibilities.

larrylive

A very good friend of mine, a recovered alcoholic and phenomenal giutar player has been playing out for a couple years now. I believe he has 9 years sober, so he didn't jump right back into it.

I also belong to a sober activities group called LifeQuest. Many of the members are musicians and the get together twice a week to jam. Amazingly enough the most skilled and talented of them actually encourage those who wish they were to sit in and play. It ain't pretty, but everyone feels good afterward.

Be Well,
Larry

Soberwolf

Thank you Mariner

DG0409

I'm not familiar with your story or when you quit. But guessing from your join date, it's still early days for you in recovery. For now, I'd say focus on your recovery and buildig a solid foundation. With a little time, you will feel more comfortable.

As others have mentioned, there are plenty of options for playing at non-drinking places and many sober musicians that play at bars because they like the music.

As a sober & recovering drummer that is also looking for a band, I'll say, you're not the only out there that would be into a band with other sober people.

But recovery is my #1 and if staying sober meant having to stay home and play along to the CD verses playing with a real band, I'd go for that any day over getting drunk and having the band. Although, I know exactly what you mean about it not being the same playing by yourself. It does kind of suck.

Joe Nerv

I'm a bass player.

Played my first sober gig, in a bar, when I was a little over a year sober. Did it with other sober musicians, and it wasn't an issue. I've since played close to 2000 gigs, in just about every situation imaginable, with all kinds of people... and it hasn't stirred up any desires to drink. Well, one time actually, when we stayed in a hotel overnight, and everyone was wasted and wanted to party with a bunch of girls in our our hotel room. I somehow got them to take it elsewhere, and quit the band. They would have thrown me out anyway if I hadn't . I clearly didn't belong with them. But anyhow, here are some of my thoughts regarding this...

First, playing bass doesn't have to mean gigging in bars. As others have already stated, there are coffee shops, churches, even subways if motivated enough . There is also enough software and gadgetry out there now too to have a lot of fun alone in one's bedroom writing songs and recording. You can invite other people in to work with you, and there are lots of ways around doing that now too if you do want to work alone. Garageband (which is free on an ipad or iphone) has "smart" instruments that'll be all the other parts of a band for you, with minimal effort on your part. Great for demos and creative purposes.

If you're anything like me though, and want the rush of live playing more than anything else, playing in bars is absolutely doable, but IMO a few very important things must be in place. As I already said, for me it was important to do it at first with sober people. What was probably more important however was my commitment to my sobriety. Staying sober was my absolute #1 priority. If I felt threatened, I would walk. There was one particular night I had just found out someone I was with for a while was sleeping with someone else. I got a few AA people to come to that gig with me (and they really didn't want to go, except to be of help to me). Point being, I did whatever was necessary to keep my sobriety on the front burner. I needed people to talk to that night, that weren't going to want to buy me a beer to soothe my woes.

I had/have a really strong foundation in my sobriety. In my first few years of AA I immersed myself in the program, and took pretty much every suggestion that was thrown at me. At the time it seemed like a lot of work/time. I did a lot of things that cut against my grain, but the reward for me was total freedom. Freedom from the irrational fears I had in early sobriety, freedom from my suicidal depression, freedom from alcohol, and freedom to do anything and everything I wanted to do without a desire or fear of alcohol. Without that foundation, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't still be sober, and if I were, I feel I'd be tip-toeing through my life.

I believe we get our of sobriety what we put into it. I don't believe I was created to NOT do the things my heart desires. And I love playing bass .

If I can be of help in any way or you have any specific bass playing related questions feel free to PM me. Would love to help, if I can. And if you're not already familiar with it, you might want to pop by this forum TalkBass.com. There's an invaluable wealth of knowledge, information and support there.

Almost forgot... I've seen lots of craigslist ads with musicians looking for other drug and alcohol free people to work with. You can post an ad anonymously, and just see what pops up.

AncientMariner

I have to say I don't really get this approach. It seems to be a fearfull approach that's prevalent. He's in early recovery so he should 'wait' (at home) playing along to CD's until he has a 'good foundation'. And who is to say when that moment arrives? And what if sitting at home waiting leads to inaction, inertia and an atrophy of the physical and mental muscles. What if this fearful, waiting approach becomes a habit and the moment never arrives? As is the case with many who live their days in fear. It becomes a rut and life passes by.

I think the opposite approach is more conducive to a productive and self-reliant life. The more you face your fears and push through them, the stronger you become. The more you go to that restaurant or that concert and drink sparkling water/coke/juice the more used to it you become. the more it becomes your new normal. The more it becomes your identity. The more confident you become. The stronger your decision comes.

and if staying sober meant having to stay home and play along to the CD verses playing with a real band, I'd go for that any day over getting drunk and having the band.

You could say this conditional sentence is an illogical fallacy because sober does not mean having to stay at home and playing along to the CD verses playing with a real band...

If the chap wants to be a a musician and play with others he probably needs to remove the association that he possibly has in his head that all musicians are out there partying while they are playing. It's simply not the case. Musicians that are serious about their music have a professional approach. Be serious about keeping your sobriety and serious about your music : professional approach.

I asked a language exchange partner who was a guitar player in a full time band 'are you like Guns n Roses, do you party after every gig?' and he smiled and sayed 'we don't muck about...the audience are partying, we are working. We play, we pack our gear, we go'

'In my view it's better to be impetuous than cautious. Because fortune is a woman and if you wish to dominate her, you must beat her and batter her. It is clear she will let herself be won by men who are impetuous rather than those who step cautiously' Niccolò Machiavelli

Joe Nerv

For some reason the forum isn't allowing me to quote AM's post above this one. A bug maybe? Anyhow, in regard to that and the way I see it...

OP expressed a very valid concern about throwing himself into that situation. Trust me when I tell you I know lots and lots of people who have drank, because they threw themselves into the bar atmosphere before they had a solid sober foundation. And I know an equal amount of people who took the time first to develop a solid foundation, who are comfortable performing anywhere.

There are skills that are necessary, IMO, to navigate the party/bar scene, and do it comfortably. I don't believe you gain those skills by going uncomfortably into a bar, drinking seltzer or odoulls. I believe most people wind up drunk again like that, or at the very least not enjoying themselves and feeling left out. I never felt that way. My life was very full outside of the bars I was going into, and I had no desire to trade it in for the drunken nonsense I saw going on night after night.

OP is in the early stages of playing bass. Doesn't yet have a band together, and wants to get out gigging. That's the perfect time to get a solid sober foundation, and I think telling someone to hang out in bars in order to do so is a very dangerous suggestion. It's not about allowing "fear" (in this situation at least) to stop us from doing what we want, it's about preparing ourselves so we CAN do what we want, without any fear. Yes, there are absolutely times where we need to just face the fear and walk through it, but at times like this I think it's better to use a little more common sense.

I'm headed out in a couple of hours to play a festival 2 states away. I believe it's a beer fest, though I don't know all the details. I will be with 2 drinking guys, and one guy who by coincidence is in AA. Didn't know he was till I was 3 months in the band . I am not thinking one single bit about beer or alcohol, and I am certain I will not drink today. Looking very much forward to the gig. I can't imagine my feeling that way if I was just "manning up" in the bars and biting the bullet while not drinking.

I toured overseas in a band with one of the current members of GnR (since you mentioned it), and attended some of the GnR parties. First, that ain't entirely what people think it is, and 2nd, I again wasn't the least bit uncomfortable. It wouldn't have been any fun if I was.

Impurrfect

My cousin plays guitar, and is in recovery. He is all about the music, the drugs and drinking, not so much. It took him a while to get to that point, though.

I think it's okay to not want to be around drunks and drugged out. When I was in early recovery, I didn't want to be around them, either. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I was waiting tables and got to wait on the "drunk and disorderly" quite often.

I couldn't stand it, but needed my job. I eventually got over it, and could say "thank you, I'm not in their position".

Best of luck to you!! There are an awful lot of recovering musicians, some quite famous.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

LDT

Sober musician here, and I can tell you lots of my musician friends are either sober , or at the very least, contemplating sobriety ....... Just saw my good friend from high school at a recent reunion . He's the former drummer for Robert Palmer, and happily Sober 2 years now .