MightyFlea21

It's nearly end of Oct. and I was reading my previous posts and amazed that nothing has changed. Oh wait something has - I've gotten worse. I've driven drunk more, missed work more and been a crappier husband and father. But the kicker came on Wednesday - I was hospitalized for a day cause I drank so much my wife freaked out and called 911. My family had to leave work and drive hours to come see me. Oh and my wife is set to deliver any day now. I couldve missed the birth of my som because i was wasted. Yessir, role model human being.

Been sober for 2 days now. Should pay myself for not having driven drunk for 2 days.

How did I become this monster???? Of course I'm hating myself as is always the case after sobering up but doesn't change that I'm a monster. I'm going to my first meeting next week and hope that it can help. Or maybe I'll just remain a monster until I ruin everyone's lives.

biminiblue

There is a way out, and you will learn to deal with your past.

I would find a meeting today - not next week. Call the AA phone number, someone will help you right now.

You can fix this now - but maybe not if you wait.

Mags1

Carry on drinking and it will get worse, stop now, get your life and family back. It's not easy, but a lot easier than what comes next. Fast forward, drink driving, maiming or killing someone and knowing nothing but waking up in a cell.

GracieLou

You are not monster. You have done bad things but you are not a bad person but only you can stop the bad things from happening as a result of your drinking.

I could not stop on my own. I needed help. Go to a meeting today, why wait for next week. You could drink again by next week. It can change your life if you get help but you have to make an effort.

Crying about it does nothing. It is time for action, today, not next week.

I never said I will drink next week. Are you willing to do what ever it takes? I could not say I will start recovery next week.

Nonsensical

You're not a monster, but you might have one living in your head. I do. He gives me all kinds of advice like, "You haven't drank for a while, you can have just a few" or "You'll feel so much better if you have some drinks".

That monster wants more alcohol. Starve it. It's the only way to shut it up.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

Anna

You are caught up in the disease of alcoholism and I hope that this past experience has encouraged you to stop.

Lusher

Hey MightyFlea21, I just wanted to throw out some support.

You seem to realize how negatively the booze affects you, which is a positive thing. As far as being a "monster," I think that's a term that would apply to many people in here, including myself. When I look back at all of the years I spent being a monster myself, I just shake my head. It's very easy for people to tell us to simply stop drinking, but when we are wired the way that we are, it's not as easy as it sounds.

It sucks, I know. It also sounds like you're in deep. I was in pretty deep too, but I am here to tell you that beating this issue is absolutely possible. Not easy, but very possible.
Two days sober- it sounds like you've decided to get better. That's what this forum is all about, 'cause this stuff just ain't all that easy to beat if you go it alone.

Soberwolf

Good luck & well done on 2 days

ArtFriend

It really doesn't help to label yourself a monster. You are a man trying to cope. And you want to change, which is a great motivator. We all stumble. Don't be so hard on yourself, but do remain vigilant.

MightyFlea21

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to stop this madness from repeating again. It's one thing to hurt myself it's another to hurt my little boy, my wife,my new little boy or that innocent stranger crossing the street. I thought I was strong but the monster is stronger. I'm looking for meetings now.

FreeOwl

good. get to one today. get a copy of the Big Book, get onto it with all you've got. It really does work.

GracieLou

By the Grace of God you go.

If you can’t find one, find the hotline in your area and call. They may even be able to send a man out to pick you up, take you to a meeting and drop you back at home.

I did that. I did not have the courage nor the strength to get there under my own will.

PurpleKnight

You can turn this around!!

Get a plan in place, get plenty of support around you and make it happen!!

Nonsensical

What you'll find is that it actually isn't very strong at all, but it takes time and effort to learn how to defeat it. Go get those things!

MelindaFlowers

Kick the booze and be present for your new son! You have a responsibility above and beyond yourself now. You can do this as long as no way, no how, no alcohol. It's not easy at first but after a few months you feel like a new better person.

ghostdad

Recovering monster here. Get the help you need as soon as possible. Don't wait until next week. This is a good time to stop. You will be surprised how forgiving your family can be once you made the commitment to stay sober. Their disappointment turns into pride - and its a great feeling. I know. I am living proof at 100 days sober.

coraltint

My 1st son wasn't enough to stop my using, nor my 2nd being 6 months in the oven. The terror of being unable to stop even for these people, my wife, myself was what finally got me to go to AA with my ears open.

son #2 is 11 yrs old now & has never seen me drink.

It can work, just do what they suggest.

good luck, keep coming back here!

endlesspatience

Most people here who are calling out in response to your post know what it's like to feel horrified with the effect our drinking has on other people and ourselves.

But many of us have changed, or are changing. You can too. But don't wait. This is the time to take some action.

Rachinator

I hope you can take this opportunity to get help. If you can get help you can be there for your wife and son. You are worth getting better. Your family needs you to be healthy. It will be a tough road but the reward it worth it. They will need you just like you need them. Don't drink over it, change it. Stay strong <3

awuh1

Time to try something different MightyFlea21. You might feel like a monster now but with some sober time, and the discovery of a way to overcome this alcoholic insanity, you will be able to help others do the same. I believe that's what you will find in AA. A lot of people sharing the solution they've found.

Let us know how the meeting goes.

All the best to you.