I've Become A Monster
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MightyFlea21 
Or maybe I'll just remain a monster until I ruin everyone's lives.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Decauter Iowa
Posts: 67
Thank you everyone for your support - as always. At first I thought I could do it on my own but I couldn't. Then I thought I could do it by coming here every few months but I was wrong (not because the people aren't wonderful but because I didn't do my part). Now I know I need a lot more help than I ever imagined.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
You can turn this around Mightyflea. The choice is yours and we are here to support you. Coming to SR and posting OFTEN really helped me during the early days and continues to help me now.
Good for you on finding a meeting today. Don't let it go any longer, you can make this change... Do it for yourself and everyone in your life will benefit from your actions.
It's the best decision I ever made for my family and those around me.
Stay strong and never let your guard down.
Good for you on finding a meeting today. Don't let it go any longer, you can make this change... Do it for yourself and everyone in your life will benefit from your actions.
It's the best decision I ever made for my family and those around me.
Stay strong and never let your guard down.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
You keep "going to the well" on your wife's patience and one day that well will run dry.
Stop now. Be there for your wife, she's going to need your help. Be there for your kid's life. Let him/her grow up without a drunk for a father. You have responsibilities and they're not compatible with self-indulgent boozing. It's time you moved on.
My list of alcohol-related missed opportunities is frightful. You don't want to find yourself telling the same story I'm telling you now to some other guy fifteen years down the line when your wife has left you and you missed half of your kid's childhood because you were passed out on the couch or furtively drinking alone in your garage.
Stop now. Be there for your wife, she's going to need your help. Be there for your kid's life. Let him/her grow up without a drunk for a father. You have responsibilities and they're not compatible with self-indulgent boozing. It's time you moved on.
My list of alcohol-related missed opportunities is frightful. You don't want to find yourself telling the same story I'm telling you now to some other guy fifteen years down the line when your wife has left you and you missed half of your kid's childhood because you were passed out on the couch or furtively drinking alone in your garage.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
You are not a monster. You're sick.
I've met monsters. My life was nearly ruined by men who had no morals, no feelings, no shame. They never felt bad about the things they did.
But you do. This can be a good thing. Very few things in life can't be undone but you need to start changing things today. Self pity wont help you and it wont help your family.
The voice that tells you you're a monster is the monster. It wants you to beat yourself down to the point where you don't try. You need to make amends, but not this way.
Your family loves you, if they didn't they'd be gone.
One day at a time you can do this.
I've met monsters. My life was nearly ruined by men who had no morals, no feelings, no shame. They never felt bad about the things they did.
But you do. This can be a good thing. Very few things in life can't be undone but you need to start changing things today. Self pity wont help you and it wont help your family.
The voice that tells you you're a monster is the monster. It wants you to beat yourself down to the point where you don't try. You need to make amends, but not this way.
Your family loves you, if they didn't they'd be gone.
One day at a time you can do this.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Washington D.C.
Posts: 30
Don't wait till next week, go now. The worst part of sobering up for me (on day 26) is that with sobriety I've started to remember things, terrible things that I've done to the people I love. I needed support to get through that and not just drink away the pain. Don't wait a week, go now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Decauter Iowa
Posts: 67
My wife doesn't know. She strongly suspects from my behavior but doesn't know. I know I should tell her but first I need to get myself on track to a real recovery not just say I won't drink again. Is that wrong? I want to fix this first but keep thinking its selfish to not tell her. I started meeting and even got an appointment with a therapist. I don't want to be without her or my boys. Just want to fix myself so I can be a better husband and father.
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Your sick, not a monster.
BUT I will tell you what happened to ME....I had a 4 yr old, 2 yr old and 3 DAY old and went to a bar and got wasted 2-3 nights per week. I almost lost everything!
I ended up getting 2 back to back DUI's and landed in jail. I was facing over a year in prison! I avoided jail but it was enough to keep me sober for almost 6 years.
Anyway, I stopped going to AA meetings and relapsed a year ago. Thank goodness I am back in AA and determined to get better before it gets worse again.
TRUST ME! It WILL get worse if you keep drinking. One DUI alone will cost you $10,000 with an attorney and all the crap you have to pay for.
In addition your insurance company will drop you and make you get high risk insurance. You will pay about $400 more per month for that. Then you will most likely have to drive around with "drunk driving license plates". Your DUI will be on your record forever.
You will have to go to drunk driving school which is another couple hundred bucks. You will be on probation. You will lose your drivers license. You will be court ordered to go to AA and on and on. And this is IF you don't kill someone. If you kill someone drinking and driving you will go to prison for a very long time.
All of this happened to me...except by the grace if God I did not kill anyone. You mentioned you drive drunk a lot. That's why I am telling you this. I don't want you to go thru what I went thru.
Your kids deserve a sober father. Good luck. You can do it!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
BUT I will tell you what happened to ME....I had a 4 yr old, 2 yr old and 3 DAY old and went to a bar and got wasted 2-3 nights per week. I almost lost everything!
I ended up getting 2 back to back DUI's and landed in jail. I was facing over a year in prison! I avoided jail but it was enough to keep me sober for almost 6 years.
Anyway, I stopped going to AA meetings and relapsed a year ago. Thank goodness I am back in AA and determined to get better before it gets worse again.
TRUST ME! It WILL get worse if you keep drinking. One DUI alone will cost you $10,000 with an attorney and all the crap you have to pay for.
In addition your insurance company will drop you and make you get high risk insurance. You will pay about $400 more per month for that. Then you will most likely have to drive around with "drunk driving license plates". Your DUI will be on your record forever.
You will have to go to drunk driving school which is another couple hundred bucks. You will be on probation. You will lose your drivers license. You will be court ordered to go to AA and on and on. And this is IF you don't kill someone. If you kill someone drinking and driving you will go to prison for a very long time.
All of this happened to me...except by the grace if God I did not kill anyone. You mentioned you drive drunk a lot. That's why I am telling you this. I don't want you to go thru what I went thru.
Your kids deserve a sober father. Good luck. You can do it!
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by MightyFlea21
My wife doesn't know. She strongly suspects from my behavior but doesn't know. I know I should tell her but first I need to get myself on track to a real recovery not just say I won't drink again. Is that wrong? I want to fix this first but keep thinking its selfish to not tell her. I started meeting and even got an appointment with a therapist. I don't want to be without her or my boys. Just want to fix myself so I can be a better husband and father.
Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery
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