Can chronic relapsers recover
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi Mrrryah,
Sorry about the difficult experience you are going through right now. Great decision to stop the relapse relatively early and to seek help!
I joined SR in 2010 as you can see in my profile. I'd known since ~2008 that I had a serious drinking problem and had to quit... never got beyond 2-3-4 days sober between 2008 and January this year (when I quit for good). Not a relapser in the classic sense that I did not even attempt recovery seriously, but I had these daily cycles of suffering through hangovers and escape back to drinking... and my binges were getting worse and worse.
In my case, I know now that my struggles with giving up the booze, despite knowing and accepting 100% that I had a problem, was because I lacked commitment and the skill set necessary for recovery. But now I feel such commitment to recovery that I'd probably never felt to anything in my life. So, it seems possible so far and I have no intention to change my mind. But I needed help on a regular basis. I used SR, therapy, a little bit of AA, mindfulness, remodeling many things in my lifestyle (still a lot to do), staying busy.
There are many people here who relapsed badly after months, years, decades sober/clean and they are sober and clean now. Must be possible! I think one is a "lost case" only when we give up trying and adjusting until it sticks. You clearly seem to want to get better and with the right approach, you will! Stay close and use any help you can reach!
Sorry about the difficult experience you are going through right now. Great decision to stop the relapse relatively early and to seek help!
I joined SR in 2010 as you can see in my profile. I'd known since ~2008 that I had a serious drinking problem and had to quit... never got beyond 2-3-4 days sober between 2008 and January this year (when I quit for good). Not a relapser in the classic sense that I did not even attempt recovery seriously, but I had these daily cycles of suffering through hangovers and escape back to drinking... and my binges were getting worse and worse.
In my case, I know now that my struggles with giving up the booze, despite knowing and accepting 100% that I had a problem, was because I lacked commitment and the skill set necessary for recovery. But now I feel such commitment to recovery that I'd probably never felt to anything in my life. So, it seems possible so far and I have no intention to change my mind. But I needed help on a regular basis. I used SR, therapy, a little bit of AA, mindfulness, remodeling many things in my lifestyle (still a lot to do), staying busy.
There are many people here who relapsed badly after months, years, decades sober/clean and they are sober and clean now. Must be possible! I think one is a "lost case" only when we give up trying and adjusting until it sticks. You clearly seem to want to get better and with the right approach, you will! Stay close and use any help you can reach!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I relapsed for a year, round and round in circles!!
However "keeping at it" didn't work, I needed something more than a will to quit.
I needed serious solutions, plans and support to make it work!!
However "keeping at it" didn't work, I needed something more than a will to quit.
I needed serious solutions, plans and support to make it work!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Hey there, Ms. M,
I got clean and sober in September 1986.
I have 69 days today.
This is a cunning disease, who wears masks and costumes so that we don't recognize her.
I've been immersed in sobriety, a decade of sobriety, and still relapsed. This is my 5th life of sobriety. I don't even like the words relapse or slip, because I don't think they adequately describe the experience. The word "slip" sounds like a "sip" and it is never a "sip" for me. My "relapses" last for months or years. I prefer to say that I was in full sobriety, and then I was out.
It feels like "outside" too - outside of my family, my friends. When the center of your world is sobriety, when you go "out" it is like a rebellious teenager running away from home. Sobriety is my home. (My "good" home, unlike the actual dysfunction of my childhood home). Sobriety is the home I grew up in.
As to when enough is enough - if we stick with the analogy of the angry teen runaway, who is willing to live the terrifying and uncomfortable life of the street rat, rather than be home, we have to wonder why "home" doesn't trump the street. If I am not comfortable in my home, if my bedroom isn't cozy and comfortable and safe, if the inhabitants of my home are scary and unpredictable and hurt me, I (child-me) would rather spare-change on a rainy street corner than be there.
I may be beating the metaphor to death but the take-away is that I need to make sobriety the warm bed. I need to construct a life so precious, safe, interesting, and vital - inhabited by people I trust who care for me - that I choose to lie on that bed of sobriety, cuddled up with my stuffed elephant, eating home-made cookies off a china plate and reading a great new book, rather than put myself in a soul-stealing, dangerous, shaming situation by drinking or using.
We build our sober life to our own specifications. Your safe place might not involve cocoa and books. We can all do this differently. But you have to create that "home" of sober, the one you don't want to run away from or rebel against, the place that doesn't bore you or terrify you.
Finally, I'm in my current sobriety because I have health issues related to drinking. Health issues that can kill me. I looked at the clock of my life, and knew - without doubt - that this is the LAST TIME I can get sober and hope to still heal the damage I've done and survive this. I could have miscalculated, and it could be too late. I don't know.
Yes, there is God watching and AA friends and sobriety literature and good intention. But - for me - the real test of whether or not I am able to stay sober has to do with my happiness (not every day, not all the time, but the "rightness" of the life I'm choosing to live). If I am miserable in my life of sobriety, guess what - I know how to change that...so do you. I have to consciously build, every day, my "better life." Because if I hate my life, even the threat of death isn't really much of a threat at all...
I got clean and sober in September 1986.
I have 69 days today.
This is a cunning disease, who wears masks and costumes so that we don't recognize her.
I've been immersed in sobriety, a decade of sobriety, and still relapsed. This is my 5th life of sobriety. I don't even like the words relapse or slip, because I don't think they adequately describe the experience. The word "slip" sounds like a "sip" and it is never a "sip" for me. My "relapses" last for months or years. I prefer to say that I was in full sobriety, and then I was out.
It feels like "outside" too - outside of my family, my friends. When the center of your world is sobriety, when you go "out" it is like a rebellious teenager running away from home. Sobriety is my home. (My "good" home, unlike the actual dysfunction of my childhood home). Sobriety is the home I grew up in.
As to when enough is enough - if we stick with the analogy of the angry teen runaway, who is willing to live the terrifying and uncomfortable life of the street rat, rather than be home, we have to wonder why "home" doesn't trump the street. If I am not comfortable in my home, if my bedroom isn't cozy and comfortable and safe, if the inhabitants of my home are scary and unpredictable and hurt me, I (child-me) would rather spare-change on a rainy street corner than be there.
I may be beating the metaphor to death but the take-away is that I need to make sobriety the warm bed. I need to construct a life so precious, safe, interesting, and vital - inhabited by people I trust who care for me - that I choose to lie on that bed of sobriety, cuddled up with my stuffed elephant, eating home-made cookies off a china plate and reading a great new book, rather than put myself in a soul-stealing, dangerous, shaming situation by drinking or using.
We build our sober life to our own specifications. Your safe place might not involve cocoa and books. We can all do this differently. But you have to create that "home" of sober, the one you don't want to run away from or rebel against, the place that doesn't bore you or terrify you.
Finally, I'm in my current sobriety because I have health issues related to drinking. Health issues that can kill me. I looked at the clock of my life, and knew - without doubt - that this is the LAST TIME I can get sober and hope to still heal the damage I've done and survive this. I could have miscalculated, and it could be too late. I don't know.
Yes, there is God watching and AA friends and sobriety literature and good intention. But - for me - the real test of whether or not I am able to stay sober has to do with my happiness (not every day, not all the time, but the "rightness" of the life I'm choosing to live). If I am miserable in my life of sobriety, guess what - I know how to change that...so do you. I have to consciously build, every day, my "better life." Because if I hate my life, even the threat of death isn't really much of a threat at all...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Someone that I care a great deal about labels himself as a chronic relapser. The longest he had was four months, but that was four months sober he never had before.
He told me the other day. I am going to keep trying until I get this right. I’ve got to give him credit. He keeps coming back and he keeps trying. That is more than I can say for myself. I tried once before, made it five months before I relapsed and stayed drunk another decade. I wish I would have found the courage to come back.
Keep trying! Don’t give up.
He told me the other day. I am going to keep trying until I get this right. I’ve got to give him credit. He keeps coming back and he keeps trying. That is more than I can say for myself. I tried once before, made it five months before I relapsed and stayed drunk another decade. I wish I would have found the courage to come back.
Keep trying! Don’t give up.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
That was me. I kept crawling back to AA with my tail between my legs. I don't know, but I guess I finally saw the light, but drinking is not an issue. I use online forums sometimes to keep in touch, but have not been to but one AA meeting in years. Seem to do better that way.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Originally Posted by Purpleknight 
I relapsed for a year, round and round in circles!!
However "keeping at it" didn't work, I needed something more than a will to quit.
I needed serious solutions, plans and support to make it work!!
However "keeping at it" didn't work, I needed something more than a will to quit.
I needed serious solutions, plans and support to make it work!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Originally Posted by heartcore
Hey there, Ms. M,
I got clean and sober in September 1986.
I have 69 days today.
This is a cunning disease, who wears masks and costumes so that we don't recognize her.
I've been immersed in sobriety, a decade of sobriety, and still relapsed. This is my 5th life of sobriety. I don't even like the words relapse or slip, because I don't think they adequately describe the experience. The word "slip" sounds like a "sip" and it is never a "sip" for me. My "relapses" last for months or years. I prefer to say that I was in full sobriety, and then I was out.
It feels like "outside" too - outside of my family, my friends. When the center of your world is sobriety, when you go "out" it is like a rebellious teenager running away from home. Sobriety is my home. (My "good" home, unlike the actual dysfunction of my childhood home). Sobriety is the home I grew up in.
As to when enough is enough - if we stick with the analogy of the angry teen runaway, who is willing to live the terrifying and uncomfortable life of the street rat, rather than be home, we have to wonder why "home" doesn't trump the street. If I am not comfortable in my home, if my bedroom isn't cozy and comfortable and safe, if the inhabitants of my home are scary and unpredictable and hurt me, I (child-me) would rather spare-change on a rainy street corner than be there.
I may be beating the metaphor to death but the take-away is that I need to make sobriety the warm bed. I need to construct a life so precious, safe, interesting, and vital - inhabited by people I trust who care for me - that I choose to lie on that bed of sobriety, cuddled up with my stuffed elephant, eating home-made cookies off a china plate and reading a great new book, rather than put myself in a soul-stealing, dangerous, shaming situation by drinking or using.
We build our sober life to our own specifications. Your safe place might not involve cocoa and books. We can all do this differently. But you have to create that "home" of sober, the one you don't want to run away from or rebel against, the place that doesn't bore you or terrify you.
Finally, I'm in my current sobriety because I have health issues related to drinking. Health issues that can kill me. I looked at the clock of my life, and knew - without doubt - that this is the LAST TIME I can get sober and hope to still heal the damage I've done and survive this. I could have miscalculated, and it could be too late. I don't know.
Yes, there is God watching and AA friends and sobriety literature and good intention. But - for me - the real test of whether or not I am able to stay sober has to do with my happiness (not every day, not all the time, but the "rightness" of the life I'm choosing to live). If I am miserable in my life of sobriety, guess what - I know how to change that...so do you. I have to consciously build, every day, my "better life." Because if I hate my life, even the threat of death isn't really much of a threat at all...
I got clean and sober in September 1986.
I have 69 days today.
This is a cunning disease, who wears masks and costumes so that we don't recognize her.
I've been immersed in sobriety, a decade of sobriety, and still relapsed. This is my 5th life of sobriety. I don't even like the words relapse or slip, because I don't think they adequately describe the experience. The word "slip" sounds like a "sip" and it is never a "sip" for me. My "relapses" last for months or years. I prefer to say that I was in full sobriety, and then I was out.
It feels like "outside" too - outside of my family, my friends. When the center of your world is sobriety, when you go "out" it is like a rebellious teenager running away from home. Sobriety is my home. (My "good" home, unlike the actual dysfunction of my childhood home). Sobriety is the home I grew up in.
As to when enough is enough - if we stick with the analogy of the angry teen runaway, who is willing to live the terrifying and uncomfortable life of the street rat, rather than be home, we have to wonder why "home" doesn't trump the street. If I am not comfortable in my home, if my bedroom isn't cozy and comfortable and safe, if the inhabitants of my home are scary and unpredictable and hurt me, I (child-me) would rather spare-change on a rainy street corner than be there.
I may be beating the metaphor to death but the take-away is that I need to make sobriety the warm bed. I need to construct a life so precious, safe, interesting, and vital - inhabited by people I trust who care for me - that I choose to lie on that bed of sobriety, cuddled up with my stuffed elephant, eating home-made cookies off a china plate and reading a great new book, rather than put myself in a soul-stealing, dangerous, shaming situation by drinking or using.
We build our sober life to our own specifications. Your safe place might not involve cocoa and books. We can all do this differently. But you have to create that "home" of sober, the one you don't want to run away from or rebel against, the place that doesn't bore you or terrify you.
Finally, I'm in my current sobriety because I have health issues related to drinking. Health issues that can kill me. I looked at the clock of my life, and knew - without doubt - that this is the LAST TIME I can get sober and hope to still heal the damage I've done and survive this. I could have miscalculated, and it could be too late. I don't know.
Yes, there is God watching and AA friends and sobriety literature and good intention. But - for me - the real test of whether or not I am able to stay sober has to do with my happiness (not every day, not all the time, but the "rightness" of the life I'm choosing to live). If I am miserable in my life of sobriety, guess what - I know how to change that...so do you. I have to consciously build, every day, my "better life." Because if I hate my life, even the threat of death isn't really much of a threat at all...
Also very scary, because that might entail making some huge drastic life changes to make that happy bed of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1
Purp! I would love if you would elaborate more on these serious solutions, plans and support that worked for you.
For me sitting after work with all this free time on my hands, simply resisting alcohol never worked, I went round and round in circles for a very long time, the reason being I simply took alcohol out of my lifestyle and carried on, but sooner or later I was back where I started because my life was boring, I had nothing to do and my mind, which was addicted to alcohol eventually grinded me down.
Support was key, I logged into SR every morning before my first coffee and before I went to sleep at night, no more isolating myself away and trying to do it on my own.
I planned my days the day before, physically wrote out a schedule, hour by hour, what am I actually going to do at 6pm, 7pm or 9pm on a Tuesday night? and as I left for work the next day I left my bank cards at home, no more going to work with great intentions and stopping by the liquor store that evening when it all fell through at 5pm as I was stressed at work.
As time went on, I included and discovered more activities to fill my time with, my lifestyle evolved into one resembling a "non drinker", alcohol was slowly pushed to the curb, cravings started to fade and before I new it I was enjoying a coffee and a chocolate muffin at 9am on a Sunday morning, reading a newspaper and watching the world go by, that was big for me, it was something I had never done as I was always severely hungover every Sunday!!
Sobriety is a journey, but not actually drinking is simply the foundation, the more you build on it the more you protect against relapse, you'll start to enjoy the new Sober you, the new Sober lifestyle you'll create for yourself!!
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