Thatdeliveryguy

Desypete that was beautiful thank your for sharing. Ican only wish I get on the path to recovery and stay.

gippy1968

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.

Rosa Parks

Mrrryah1

Hey TDG.

I just had a pretty wicked relapse myself. I'm back on day two.

Day one was the absolute hardest thing I had to go through. It was awful. I'm not going to lie. But there's only ONE WAY to get to day two, and it's getting through day one.

I really hope you can find the strength to just whiteknuckle it through the h-e-double-l of day one. You won't regret it when you get to day two. I promise. I'm extremely grateful.

seanie1888

No need to say sorry,
we all know your pain.
dust yourself of and try again.

You can do it, best wishes

Aellyce

Jeremy, you keep wishing this and keep finding opportunities, but your actions reflect the exact opposite. No surprise that you are stuck in this endless cycle of suffering and chaos around you. When I lived like this, it was the most awful, unbearable hell with levels of guilt and shame I don't even want to remember now. You tend to try to "resolve" your feelings momentarily with the fleeting pleasure of drinking, and with making these posts on SR looking for compassion. The problem is that it's very visibly getting worse and worse and it's not taking you upward. Of course people here will always support you because that's why this forum exists.

But you can probably see that the tone of the support and feedback you get is changing... you know, there is only so much willingness to keep repeating the same advice without seeing no effect and change. People are obviously concerned about you and are expressing sympathy, but as you can see, this alone does not seem to induce any real change in your actions. And you are shifting further and further away from reality and true connection with the world and your loved ones, while expressing your sorrow about all this disintegration. You can continue on this road with a very predictable outcome, and many many more destruction on the way there. Is that what you want, Jeremy? Is that the certainty that you seek and that makes you comfortable?

You would only need to raise yourself just a little bit, make a few phone calls, pack a suitcase, and get yourself into treatment. It is scary, the outcome is unpredictable, but at least this has chances to turn things around, versus your own current journey into a very certain "place", through hell. Living with a partner leading the same lifestyle (especially one in denial) is very difficult - I know from first hand experience. If I were you, I would save myself for now and not worry about anything else. There will be plenty of time to work on the other areas of your life, relationships, everything, when you actually have the ability to deal with them physically and mentally healthier.

It really isn't a too complex choice now. Life and potentially saving a lot more than yourself down the road - or a painful road to death pulling a lot more with yourself through it. Most of us here have made the "life" choice in a version of this gruesome construct, many (myself included) several times in different situations. Can't you see the abundant evidence here on SR, if nowhere else, that it's so worth the initial discomfort? We all had that fear once, or many times. Fear is normal part of life and won't kill anyone. Active addiction will.

I really hope you make the viable choice and then come back to us to report the progress! How cool would that be, Jeremy, just imagine...

sprout50

Jeremy, You and I have talked about this before-you have one foot in the sober world and one in the drinking world. You can't have both. I wish I could convey to you how much better it is on the sober side. It is not scarey over here. It's freeing!

I know I may seem harsh at times but it is because I am worried for you. Remember, all of us here have been where you are. I want you to really READ the responses to you in this post. Not just the words, the emotion. Reading Soberwolf's posts makes me want to cry. You can read how much he cares and he is begging you to get help. All of us care and want you to get the help you need.

Please get the help and let us know how you are. if you go to rehab, we will all be here when you get back.

Thatdeliveryguy

The binge isn't over, I am drinking forget me, really forget me. I have no value I am never going to succeeed, @#$#$ it all. I am done, really just done, going to drink it all away. NO regrest here, because I am drunk and its only 9 30 am, such a loser

Bailey3

Jeremy your not a loser. No ones going to forget about you. Deep down you know what needs to be done. Please stop drinking and get the help you need. Do inpatient. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Freshperspective14

I have been thinking about you non-stop. Please tell me that you are okay

Dee74

update here Fresh

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...self-limb.html

D