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I am drunk, very drunk, I just want to stoo

Old 10-24-2014, 04:52 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I have medicaid now, I just got insurance the other day. Its opened lots of doors, I can basically go to any facility I like, I just don't want inpatient it scares me. I don't know what to say, I know the time has come and gone, I just want to be better again. I can't keep doing this, but rehab scares me for some reason. I am literally paranoid about it all.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:02 AM
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Fear kept me drinking too.

Eventually the fear of what would happen if I *didn't* stop drinking won out...
but do you really want to spend 20 more years on this before that happens to you, man?

Recovery is a gamble - but it's not a very big one really Jeremy.
There are a *lot* of happy and healthy folks here as proof it works.

I hope you will take this in the spirit it's intended and not harshly: one thing we can both agree on, J, is this way ain't working, my friend.

Fears not a good enough reason to keep you down, J.
D
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:11 AM
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I have insurance, I know what I need, but I refuse, I guess my paranoia and stupidity are going to kill me. I don't know what to say, or do anymore. I do things that are bad and don't help me, but I always don't seek help. Weird right, why wouldn't I seek help, I think that every day. I should use my medicaid, and get help.... I am happy to have insurance again, but I am scared, changing scares me, I am paranoid, trusting people and things is hard for me, it took me months to trust all of you on SR>
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:20 AM
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TDG, stop trying to figure things out and take action.

Praying for you, TDG.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:21 AM
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I'm not sure what you've tried. I don't trust or accept help easily either. I've had help getting sober before, AND I've done it on my own. My new thing is AVRT and a Big Plan. You can read about this in the Secular Connections forum if you are interested. I wish you well.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:26 AM
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Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I know you can do this.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:27 AM
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At some point, rehab may not be an option anymore TDG. You could lose your insurance, or even worse. Your constant cycle of quitting meds and drinking every so often isn't allowing your body/mind to develop any sense of normalcy either. Then only way that will ever be possible is if you stop drinking completely. Rehab will allow you to do that. It's all there waiting for you, but you have to make the choice to take action. It's really as simple as that....you can choose.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy View Post
I am happy to have insurance again, but I am scared, changing scares me, I am paranoid, trusting people and things is hard for me, it took me months to trust all of you on SR>
And while you were avoiding trusting all the people who support you here, look at all that's happened. On many occasions, you've asked people here to give it you "straight," and there it is.

Your problem isn't trust, but trusting the right people, people who are interested in helping. You spend a great deal of time trusting your baser instincts, the illusion that making people happy will make you happy, that being a "good guy" is enough to live a better life, that making money alone will bring you to a better place and, perhaps worst of all, you believe your own flawed plans. You haven't been betrayed by a single person on SR, yet your reliance on ideas, plans and actions that reliably work against you is disturbing in the extreme.

How much more time are you willing to waste, and how much more sorrow are you willing to suffer before you get help? Do you feel no sense of personal responsibility to take better care of yourself? Are you willing to live this way for even another, single day? And whatever happened to the court-ordered/court-recommended treatment? Is that now off the table? Does it no longer make any difference in terms of getting back your daughter as to what steps you take in getting treatment?

Frankly, I'm also concerned about the status of your wife, and I imagine that I'm not alone in this, if only because you haven't mentioned her in quite some time. I/we no longer need the brutal honesty of your feelings to help you; we need to know what you're up against and what you're doing to set things right.

It saddens me to say that this thread only repeats dozens of other threads you've started previously. The only thing that's changed is the amount and kind of pain and suffering. I get no pleasure from writing these comments; there truly isn't much more to say.
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:34 AM
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J you need to take real action to get sober anyone sober will and has told you that

good luck
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Old 10-24-2014, 05:37 AM
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TDG. I've read through all these posts - all these people who are here for you - and it occurs to me that when you go do what you have to do, you won't be going alone. Praying for you, buddy.
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:10 AM
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I think the reason you are afraid of inpatient rehab is because you know you won't be able to drink there. I think you are in a place right now where you don't want the consequences of drinking but you still want to drink.

I have very good medical insurance EXCEPT for addiction care. I begged my insurance company to pay for inpatient rehab and they said no. I wanted sobriety so badly that I detoxed at home without professional help. You don't have to do that. Help is available to you. Are you going to take it? Do you truly want to stop drinking? And like endgame, I too, am wondering where your wife fits into all of this.
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:43 AM
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Jeremy, what else are you going to lose? How much longer are you going to let this go on?

Nothing changes until you decide to get yourself sober. Your life is falling apart and drinking is not helping you at all. You have insurance to go anywhere....GO.
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Old 10-24-2014, 06:51 AM
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I know you have a lot on your plate, TDG. Just want you to know I'm here, thinking of you and thanking you for reaching out because that helped me today as I go through my junk. So, thank you.

Please don't drink.
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Old 10-24-2014, 07:43 AM
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Sprout is right, I still want to drink, I am afraid to abandon the drink. Its my lifelinke my blankey, yep I am Imploding, But what do I do, My wife, oh my wfie, She is the sweetest being on the planet, she drinks like I do. She tties to stop but can't either we enable each other. She is pased now, I drumped teh alcohol I hd left, sorrry hung over and having hard tme writing right now, so I am no poof reading
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:10 AM
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So stop and get yourself to rehab. What's more important, drinking or your daughter? I am sorry if I sound harsh but that's what it comes down to. You have so many options and opportunities now that you have medicaid. Some of us are not so fortunate.
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:13 AM
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J you need to seek help asap i cant stress that enough im going to pray that somehow you just decide enough is enough and you seek treatment

if i wasnt your friend i wouldnt say this

pls consider it J
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:16 AM
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i was in your shoes tdg both me and my ex wife were drinking daily and getting drunk and we clung on to each other as no one else would put up with us,
our older children got fed up with us and our drunken fighting and our 2 yougest kids ended up being removed from our care as they were not going to school and we would have police call outs to our house almost every week for something or other that would all be drunkeness

what a mad world to live in and yet the very thing we needed ( the drink ) was the very thing that was bringing about our destruction

how did it end up in this mess ? we were once a loving coulpe both sober and we brought our kids up well
i had a business and she was working also so money was good we had everything in life and our kids were our life and happy little bunnys

yet withint a space of 8 years drink had changed everything to a pair of drunks at war with each other and no sense of right or wrong in terms of how we behaved
of course the next day would be full of guilt shame and remorse for what ever happends the night before but having another drink soon let me forget it all

on and on this madness goes until i ended up with nothing and no one left.

i look back on the madness and all that i lost and still i am amazed at just how powerful booze is when your stuck in it

the only way out is to be done with drinking, i dont know what its going to take you before you finally admit defeat and start the journey for recovery ?

that is up to you and how much more your prepared to lose and carry on drinking ?

i dont know how you are getting money for the drink ? or to pay for an internet conection ? as that for me soon dried up as i didnt work and lived off my business savings as my business went pair shaped, i was an hgv driver and i lost my lience for drink driving so that was my business gone and yet another poor me excuse to carry on drinking
the world was a cruel place to me back then as everything was interfering with my drinking and its not fair i would moan

how did i get out of the madness of it all ?

i went to aa meetings day and night, if i wanted a drink i would be at a meeting or try to contact someone in aa some way
i was lucky as i had some good people in aa who checked on me and kept an eye on me and were there for me when i needed them

i had to swallow my pride and admit i can not do this my way anymore, i can not stay sober without help

your one very lucky guy with the amount of help that is there for you if you want it, not only is aa there 24 /7 free of charge but you have online help, there are rehabs there are all sorts of help around today that were not around many years ago

so why dont you do something about it and take the help that is there for you ?

or carry on like your doing and its simple end up with nothing left

this is the madness i find most fascinating with dealing with people is how come some give it up with ease and it doesn't cost them much in terms of losing things and yet others will pursue with it till the gates of hell open up and they have nothing left

i hope you will find it in yourself to at least give help a try and end the constant struggle or try to end it

there is a whole new world out there being sober its never a perfect world but its a sober way to live that is on offer but it takes a huge leap into the unknown by just giving it a try,

i hope you can see all the people who have shared on here and in many of your posts you have made that people know what there talking about, some of us have been were you are and most importanly have come out from were you are and are now sober people living good lives
so if you want it then you will have to do what we have all had to do and thats get help and give in

good luck to you
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:17 AM
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If family thinks or see that you are hurting
yourself, then they can call the authorities
to come pick you up and deliver you to the
hospital for a mental evaluation just like
was done to me.

So many have been able to walk into
rehab or a recovery facility on their
own because they didn't want to die.

For me, I was too sick and into deniel
that I was that sick. Anyone who wants
to call it quits on life or end emotional,
physcological pain is definitely sick and
I was definitely very sick.

Thank God my family got me help
at that time in my life when I was
incapable of doing it myself.

Yes, I was scared and yes I had no
idea what I was going to face down
the road. However, I stayed in rehab
for 28 days, my family lived and didn't
die without me being at home, and I
got the help I needed to plant my feet
on the path of recovery to learn how
to live each day without alcohol.

That's all you have to do is surrender,
let family take you to a facility, hospital
and they will take care of you. You don't
have to do a thing by urself. Let them
know you need help and you cant do
this by urself.
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy View Post
I have insurance, I know what I need, but I refuse, I guess my paranoia and stupidity are going to kill me. I don't know what to say, or do anymore. I do things that are bad and don't help me, but I always don't seek help. Weird right, why wouldn't I seek help, I think that every day. I should use my medicaid, and get help.... I am happy to have insurance again, but I am scared, changing scares me, I am paranoid, trusting people and things is hard for me, it took me months to trust all of you on SR>
Okay...I may be wrong but the whole "I don't trust people, changing scares me, I am paranoid".
Smacks of pure ADDICTIVE VOICE to me...
It's your Ego protecting your addiction. Just my two pennies...

It's my understanding (and wiser folks round here may confirm or deny this) that often active addiction can present or manifest in ways that resemble mental health or personality disorder issues...
But when in fact the addiction is removed...
All signs of personality disorders or mental health issues miraculously disappear.

Let go Jeremy. Get help.
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Old 10-24-2014, 08:20 AM
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The fear of change, that is a common one, I am sure a lot of us here can relate.

You know what else is scary? A high speed train barreling down the tracks straight towards you. But I would bet my last dollar that if your daughter were trapped on those very tracks you wouldn't hesitate for a second in running to her to save her.

Time to do it Jeremy. Insurance? Do you know how lucky you are? Get on that inpatient rehab today. If you can't do it for yourself, suck it up and do it for your daughter.
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