Fishcakes4

Seriously cannot effing win with DH. Bitched before because I was out drinking and he had to have all the kids at hockey or other stuff, well I'm sober now, I went to my 3 hour, 3 times a week outpatient rehab tonight, not even 5 minutes after I walk in the door and say I'm going to an AA meeting tomorrow, he rolls his eyes. Are you freakin' serious?! I'm trying to stay sober for him, for my family, for me, and he is bitching about having to be with all the kids while I'm at rehab or AA?!!!!!

neferkamichael

Fishcakes4, rootin for ya.

Fishcakes4

Thank you neferkamichael, its just so frustrating, I asked him, what the hell do you want? How can I win?!

melki

Relationships and raising kids are hard enough. Addiction in the mix makes them infinitely harder. Once you start recovering, things will get better. It won't happen overnight, and it will be difficult and frustrating at times, but they will get better. Keep on pushing through.

neferkamichael

Fishcakes4, 7 days sober is FANTASTIC, congratulations. Yea kinda goofy odd that he would complain about spending more time with his kids and your time with your children will improve with time sober. Still rootin for ya.

Fly N Buy

Breathe, give it time......Do what you need to do.

If you will stick with this, the journey is wonderful - I promise. The resentments you feel will disappear. A new life is waiting for you that will be AMAZING!!!

peace

Ellay

Congrats on 7 days ! Is there anyone that can help with the kids ? Maybe hire a sitter for a few hours to alleviate the pressure when you are away?

foolsgold66

I'm sorry you're upset. I truly am. But, since I've battled alcohol most of my life, I get to say this. Don't expect accolades for getting sober, from your spouse, or anyone else. While it is an achievement for you, it's just a return to normal behavior for everyone who has never battled addiction. That's just the way things roll. Try to let go of the frustration you are feeling, and just keep doing your very best.

Fishcakes4

Right now we can't ask anyone really, I was in the hospital for a week last weekend and we used up our allotment of grandma time for awhile lol. my bff though did say she would help out so I will definitely be hitting her up for that.

richardegan5

I hope things work themselves out but right now you need to explain that recovery is your job, everyone works to provide for their family and sobriety is something that needs a lot of work. stay strong

Dee74

as hard as recovery is for us, I think it's maybe even harder on our spouses who may not really understand what the whole deal is about.

Now, I'm not saying it's ok he rolls his eyes - but this is a time of upheaval and transition - and frayed nerves for you both...

it will get better

D

EndGameNYC

I don't know if you did or not, but I might have asked why he was rolling his eyes. Very calmly, of course.

Fishcakes4

oh I did, and he told me its because being with all 4 kids, and our kids are overally hyper, especially at the hockey arena, drove him nuts tonight.

Rachinator

Perhaps he might not see the progress you have made? It should get better when the fog clears. Stay strong.

Riel

You have 4 kids?

That's a lot of future you're creating.

Never mind the small stuff. People aren't perfect.

You can do it!

Fishcakes4

lol yep 4! Can't have anymore though, I had to have a hyster due to recurring cancer issues.

We did end up talking, rationally and calmly, which up until recently was never our strong suit, but I told him that this week has been very stressful for me, having just gotten out of the hospital, had a hyster 2 weeks ago, trying to control my anxiety, deal with all 4 kids and having not smoked or drank in a week, that it would have been nice for us to maybe talk about the children later, after they were all in bed and that it hurt me that we hadn't seen each other since 6:30 this am and within 5 minutes of seeing each other at 8:30pm today we started arguing. He apologized and said he was just frustrated with the younger kids running around like crazy people. I told him I understood and yeah, 3 hours, 3 times a week for 12 weeks is a long time to be away from them all but I told him, just think, in the long run it will all be worth it because I will be able to spend better quality time with him and the kids.

Amy2011

Just focus on your recovery. The rest will get better eventually. Recovery is a lot of work and takes times. Remember, your creating a better future for yourself and your children. Recovery will help you be the mother you want to be. When I went to AA in 2011 I wasn't sure if my marriage would last, but I knew I would always have 2 amazing children. I wanted to be a mother that my kids could be proud of. The first year of recovery my marriage didn't improve, but I became a better person. Eventually, I was able to reconnect with my husband, and 3 1/2 years later I'm a better mother and still married. Staying married is a benefit of my recovery, but my real focus is just staying sober and dealing with life as it comes. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it sucks! Keep your focus. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Marcher13

Fishcakes do you have a reliable teenager in your life who could babysit two of the children when these occasions arise? That might help to ease things for your husband.

Soberwolf

Fishcakes theres a film called when a man loves a woman i think this might help i know its only a film but if he watches it with you he might see it diffrently

or take him to an open mtn just 1 mtn will change his perpective i hope

good luck

Nowsthetime

Hello: do what you need to do (within reason)... Those are his kids too, even if they are hyper. I believe it is good for him to spend time alone and in the future he will thank you and your kids will remember the quality alone time with their dad. This is hard right now but it will get better. You can do this!!!