I screwed up really bad.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
Do you have someone you could call? How about your sponsor? Might be good to have some understanding company right now. Maybe it's not a good time to be alone. Or at least call and talk to someone who you trust. You can get through this myrrrah. ..you've done it before and you can do it again. Another bottle of wine will make the situation much worse.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Hey M
I haven't been on for a few days but seeing this now
Please keep us updated and let us know you are doing ok. Sounds like quite bad relapse, just happy you pulled yourself out of it and are back here. I am a bit worried for you, do you think maybe seeing a Dr. is needed? I imagine you have to work today. Praying you wake up and feel even a *wee* better.
We're all here for you M.
I haven't been on for a few days but seeing this now
Please keep us updated and let us know you are doing ok. Sounds like quite bad relapse, just happy you pulled yourself out of it and are back here. I am a bit worried for you, do you think maybe seeing a Dr. is needed? I imagine you have to work today. Praying you wake up and feel even a *wee* better.
We're all here for you M.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 809
Thanks guys for all the support.
I went to a meeting last night, even though I was in really bad shape.
Then I went and stayed at my fiance's parents house because I didn't trust myself and was going to be home alone if I didn't do something.
There were some ladies at the meeting with good sobriety who hovered around me a bit, seeing what rough shape I was in, and talked to me for a while. That was really nice of them.
I'm so grateful to be on day 2. I'm not gonna lie it's still pretty awful physically and mentally but it's still a big improvement from day 1.
I went to a meeting last night, even though I was in really bad shape.
Then I went and stayed at my fiance's parents house because I didn't trust myself and was going to be home alone if I didn't do something.
There were some ladies at the meeting with good sobriety who hovered around me a bit, seeing what rough shape I was in, and talked to me for a while. That was really nice of them.
I'm so grateful to be on day 2. I'm not gonna lie it's still pretty awful physically and mentally but it's still a big improvement from day 1.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Mrrryah1 
Well. On Sunday I decided to pick up a bottle of wine after just shy of 60 days sobriety.
I honestly don't remember most of the next 4 days after that. What I do remember is that within 4 hours I was back to IV drug using in my condo. I didn’t show up for work for 4 days. I didn't talk to my fiance for 4 days (he was out of town) and he pretty much lost it when he came home last night. I drained all of my bank accounts including our joint account and all of his money. The smell was unbearable he said and our condo is absolutely disgusting. He screamed at me for hours on end and told me I’m a disgusting junkie (bleep – profanities) and a waste of life. That I physically disgust him as a human being. Yup, I’d have to agree with you there. I disgust me too. Then I threatened to kill myself and seriously considered it for the first time in my life. He took away my pills and watched me all night.
I sent pictures of me IV’ing drugs to people in AA. Like I somehow in that mental state thought that was a good idea or funny. Talk about mega self sabotage?
I’m back at work today and I’m sober today - I somehow still have a job (don’t ask me how...) and I’m having full blown full body panic attacks that haven’t stopped since yesterday. This is really really awful.
Really really awful.
I honestly don't remember most of the next 4 days after that. What I do remember is that within 4 hours I was back to IV drug using in my condo. I didn’t show up for work for 4 days. I didn't talk to my fiance for 4 days (he was out of town) and he pretty much lost it when he came home last night. I drained all of my bank accounts including our joint account and all of his money. The smell was unbearable he said and our condo is absolutely disgusting. He screamed at me for hours on end and told me I’m a disgusting junkie (bleep – profanities) and a waste of life. That I physically disgust him as a human being. Yup, I’d have to agree with you there. I disgust me too. Then I threatened to kill myself and seriously considered it for the first time in my life. He took away my pills and watched me all night.
I sent pictures of me IV’ing drugs to people in AA. Like I somehow in that mental state thought that was a good idea or funny. Talk about mega self sabotage?
I’m back at work today and I’m sober today - I somehow still have a job (don’t ask me how...) and I’m having full blown full body panic attacks that haven’t stopped since yesterday. This is really really awful.
Really really awful.
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