Just HOW do i do this?
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Thanks for the support guys. I feel so much better about things tonight as i spoke to my parents and told them that i won't be drinking and they agreed it would be a good idea to give my liver a rest and we'll have a sightseeing and tapas week rather than spending the whole week sitting in a bar like we usually would...
I'm not really sure why i find it hard to say no. My family have always been big drinkers. We drink ourselves through every occasion. Holidays, christmas, birthdays, deaths. Into oblivion as a family. And when it comes to friends i've got the reputation of being the big time party girl. But it's time to put all that in the past.
I'm taking it day by day but if i can make it past my birthday and parents visit completely sober then i feel like i'll be able to do anything.
I'm not really sure why i find it hard to say no. My family have always been big drinkers. We drink ourselves through every occasion. Holidays, christmas, birthdays, deaths. Into oblivion as a family. And when it comes to friends i've got the reputation of being the big time party girl. But it's time to put all that in the past.
I'm taking it day by day but if i can make it past my birthday and parents visit completely sober then i feel like i'll be able to do anything.
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I know. They are big drinkers but bingers more than everyday drinkers like me. I think they find it difficult to understand why i can't just enjoy a party and then stop the next day... I'm just glad they know how i feel about it now and i'm sure they will support me if they know i'm serious about totally quitting.
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I hear you. My family are big drinkers as well, and what is dinner without wine ? I just got through my first thanksgiving meal, totally sober. I looked over at the kids table and realized how much fun they were having, and guess what ? They weren't drinking definitely helped change my perception in having to have a drink to be fun/ have fun. Good luck , and have a wonderful time with your parents.
ML - I'm impressed with your resolve and your putting it into action. That's how I stopped, by putting it into action every day. Stay close here and you'll learn lots of great tips on how to choose sobriety over addiction in all sorts of situations.
My suggestion is just to consider the present. Anxiety about what hasn't happened, and regrets about what happened already are fodder for all sorts of mental strife, and our experience says that alcohol fixes that. As you have learned, alcohol makes every single thing we do worse, it helps nothing, and it's going to take everything you hold dear.
So, just be focused on what you are doing, and what you should be doing now. Can you not drink for a second? Of course you can. Make it this second, right now. Decide to not drink now. If your drinking brain starts in with objections about making plans for the future, or reminding you of past habits, turn your mind back to right now. Now is the only time we have complete and absolute control. We can choose to not drink now, ever. Or another way, we can choose to never now drink.
You will see what a relief it is to know you never have to drink again and go back to the misery of alcoholism. You are free of this. And you do this by saying so, and then doing it. It might be hard, but it is dead simple.
So, just be focused on what you are doing, and what you should be doing now. Can you not drink for a second? Of course you can. Make it this second, right now. Decide to not drink now. If your drinking brain starts in with objections about making plans for the future, or reminding you of past habits, turn your mind back to right now. Now is the only time we have complete and absolute control. We can choose to not drink now, ever. Or another way, we can choose to never now drink.
You will see what a relief it is to know you never have to drink again and go back to the misery of alcoholism. You are free of this. And you do this by saying so, and then doing it. It might be hard, but it is dead simple.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
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ML, I was in a similar spot. I'd go on a four day binge and my lower abdomen on my right hand side would occasionally throb. Unsurprisingly, that's where the liver is located. After a few days of sobriety, lots of water and working out it would feel fine again. And once I felt fine again, I'd decide that it would be OK to drink again. And just like that I'd be on another four day bender.
Alcohol is ingrained in society and synonymous with many social occasions. But it's also a poison, and you don't need to feel anxious or guilty about declining to poison yourself. It'll take some time to re-wire yourself but you can do it.
Alcohol is ingrained in society and synonymous with many social occasions. But it's also a poison, and you don't need to feel anxious or guilty about declining to poison yourself. It'll take some time to re-wire yourself but you can do it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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I should also add that any sort of anxiety or guilt you may have from abstaining is WAY easier to deal with than the guilt and shame from some of your drunken shenanigans. Here's part of my laundry list of embarrassing moments:
Streaked my apartment building while drunk and got evicted. Spit on a bouncer and got my @$$ kicked. Fell off a boat and almost drowned. Fell off another boat and sliced my leg open on a dock. Got drunk as a gunfighter at my firm holiday party and my boss had to drive me home. Passed out at a bar and had to be dragged home by my wife with the help of friends. Etc etc.
Dealing with the "how come you're not drinking" question is way easier to deal with the "DUDE, do you have ANY idea what you did last night" question.
Streaked my apartment building while drunk and got evicted. Spit on a bouncer and got my @$$ kicked. Fell off a boat and almost drowned. Fell off another boat and sliced my leg open on a dock. Got drunk as a gunfighter at my firm holiday party and my boss had to drive me home. Passed out at a bar and had to be dragged home by my wife with the help of friends. Etc etc.
Dealing with the "how come you're not drinking" question is way easier to deal with the "DUDE, do you have ANY idea what you did last night" question.
I had all the same issues early in. I actually started keeping a log if events and rating them so I could reflect on all the new things I wS doing without drinking and it helped . If you have a craving make sure you arnt hungry, tired. Lonely or stressed. If you are try to fix it and the craving will go away. It has been hard feeling like I'm disappointing my dad by not drinking but the more I say no thanks and I'm really happy not drinking the easier it gets! AA has changed my life in so many positive ways sometimes I feel lucky I'm an alcoholic bc I get to to be a part if it. Private message me if u wanna communicate one on one. I have almost five months of sobriety which isn't a lot but I certainly remember wher u are!
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Thanks a lot guys. Feeling quite positive again this morning. Trying to pin point the main problem areas over the next few weeks and figure out how i can deal with them. I went to my usual salsa dance class last night and avoided the bar with no problem (even with a free beer voucher in my purse) and am going to try to avoid my thursday social gathering altogether as it's usually filled with shots and spirits (and not good ones ha)
xx
xx
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Scrap that... positivity down the drain after a facebook conversation with parents who are still drunk from last night;
mam: We'll have a nice cultural week
Me: I'm serious about not drinking mind.
mam: Do they do sherry in Granada? I want to try one.
Me: Good response. No idea.
Mam: Speak to you later, we're off out for lunch and a sherry haha.
Me: the reason i told you is cause i don't want you trying to convince me to drink so i'm hoping you'll take me seriously to be honest.
Dad: Never forced anyone to have a drink.
This is going to be super difficult
mam: We'll have a nice cultural week
Me: I'm serious about not drinking mind.
mam: Do they do sherry in Granada? I want to try one.
Me: Good response. No idea.
Mam: Speak to you later, we're off out for lunch and a sherry haha.
Me: the reason i told you is cause i don't want you trying to convince me to drink so i'm hoping you'll take me seriously to be honest.
Dad: Never forced anyone to have a drink.
This is going to be super difficult
I was also worried about telling people that I've given it up. In the end I decided to say I'm not drinking because I'm worried about my health. So far everyone has just nodded and said, ah, yes. It's true that a lot of people don't even drink at all, you forget when you are drinker that there are a large number of people who don't drink -a lot of my friends are non drinkers, or very light drinkers. It's kind of nice to be able to relate to them again. it feels strange at first to say you're a non- drinker, but I guess we' ll get used to it, and it will become normal.
Scrap that... positivity down the drain after a facebook conversation with parents who are still drunk from last night;
mam: We'll have a nice cultural week
Me: I'm serious about not drinking mind.
mam: Do they do sherry in Granada? I want to try one.
Me: Good response. No idea.
Mam: Speak to you later, we're off out for lunch and a sherry haha.
Me: the reason i told you is cause i don't want you trying to convince me to drink so i'm hoping you'll take me seriously to be honest.
Dad: Never forced anyone to have a drink.
This is going to be super difficult
mam: We'll have a nice cultural week
Me: I'm serious about not drinking mind.
mam: Do they do sherry in Granada? I want to try one.
Me: Good response. No idea.
Mam: Speak to you later, we're off out for lunch and a sherry haha.
Me: the reason i told you is cause i don't want you trying to convince me to drink so i'm hoping you'll take me seriously to be honest.
Dad: Never forced anyone to have a drink.
This is going to be super difficult
How long are they here for?
I think what you are going to need to do is get a solid plan in place and then plan on "white knuckling" it through a lot of this holiday.
Forgive me if I am overstepping my boundaries here, but it sounds as though your parents are also problem drinkers/alcoholics? Pressuring anyone to drink it not cool and a sure sign that someone has a problem themselves. YOu need a strong response to any pressure you feel.
YOu have absolutely every right to make your home a safe place for you and to insist that no alcohol be brought into your home.
While out, if your parents order alcohol you always have the option of walking away and re-joining them later, but let's face it, this is not realistic.
What kind of people are they? Do you fear they might try to rib or tease you about this? Will they flat out disagree with your decision?
If they start teasing you I would suggest immediately and strongly bringing that to a halt.
"Enough. I'm doing something positive for myself and your support would be appreciated. If I can't have your support at a minimum I do not want to be teased about this. Enjoy your drinks and I'll enjoy mine [soda water, juice, whatever]"
Be sure to keep the tapas coming and eat, eat, eat as much as you want. Do not find yourself hungry and always allow yourself to engage in something that feels filling and enjoyable- more tapas, sweets, a special juice.
We're here for you, check in as much as you need.
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My whole family are heavy drinkers. My grandparents were alcoholics and my parents are big drinkers but, as i have mentioned previously, binge drinkers more than every day drinkers like me. I think they are trying to tease me right now because they don't really understand how serious i am about this or how concerned i am about my health. I;ve mentioned it in the past but i've never spoken to them seriously about it before. That conversation continued like this
me: irrelevant. I'm just telling you that i won't be drinking next week.
Dad: calm down, i might need a san miguel. (spanish beer)
me: Sure you'll find it as funny when I'm in hospital with liver failure lol
dad: not funny
me: Exactly. And that's the way I'm going and I'm really worried about it so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't take the ****
It was probably a bit daft of me to say that when i know they've been drinking. But over the weekend when my dad is back in work and i know my mam is sober i'm going to talk to her seriously about it. I'm sure that if they knew how genuinely concerned i was then they wouldn't find it so funny.
Alcohol is our entire social life and has been for as long as i can remember so it's definitely going to be a tough one. It's a good thing that i live in such a foody town so i can definitely concentrate on eating instead of drinking.
me: irrelevant. I'm just telling you that i won't be drinking next week.
Dad: calm down, i might need a san miguel. (spanish beer)
me: Sure you'll find it as funny when I'm in hospital with liver failure lol
dad: not funny
me: Exactly. And that's the way I'm going and I'm really worried about it so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't take the ****
It was probably a bit daft of me to say that when i know they've been drinking. But over the weekend when my dad is back in work and i know my mam is sober i'm going to talk to her seriously about it. I'm sure that if they knew how genuinely concerned i was then they wouldn't find it so funny.
Alcohol is our entire social life and has been for as long as i can remember so it's definitely going to be a tough one. It's a good thing that i live in such a foody town so i can definitely concentrate on eating instead of drinking.
ML I've been sober for nearly 8 years and some members of my family still ask me if I want a beer....
I just kept saying no.
After a while it kinda becomes a badge of honour to keep saying no - y'know?
D
I just kept saying no.
After a while it kinda becomes a badge of honour to keep saying no - y'know?
D
I think it will be a lot easier for you to talk to them about this when they arrive and you are face to face. They will be able to see the concern on your face, understand things a lot clearer.
Sometimes it is best to keep things simple. Over-dramatizing things might seem the way to hit home the point but can actually backfire because they think "ah, that'll never happen"
While it is true that liver failure and other horrific things very well could be in your future if you continue to drink, those may seem so huge and so incredible that other people shake them off as highly unlikely.
It might be better to give more close to home examples of why you want to make this change.
-I have nearly daily hangovers
-my skin is starting to look like crap
- I am always tired and lack energy
-I am gaining weight
-I have pains in my side and think it is my liver
-I am suffering from incredible anxiety thinking I might be damaging my liver
--the day after drinking I wake up feeling depressed, anxious and generally emotionally unwell
-I do unsafe things when I drink and being in a foreign country I want to be more careful
-I get drunk nearly every time I drink and I'm just over it, it is time to grow up
Sometimes it is best to keep things simple. Over-dramatizing things might seem the way to hit home the point but can actually backfire because they think "ah, that'll never happen"
While it is true that liver failure and other horrific things very well could be in your future if you continue to drink, those may seem so huge and so incredible that other people shake them off as highly unlikely.
It might be better to give more close to home examples of why you want to make this change.
-I have nearly daily hangovers
-my skin is starting to look like crap
- I am always tired and lack energy
-I am gaining weight
-I have pains in my side and think it is my liver
-I am suffering from incredible anxiety thinking I might be damaging my liver
--the day after drinking I wake up feeling depressed, anxious and generally emotionally unwell
-I do unsafe things when I drink and being in a foreign country I want to be more careful
-I get drunk nearly every time I drink and I'm just over it, it is time to grow up
((ML)) My parents' social life revolves around heavy drinking, and drinking is one of the few things we've enjoyed doing together. Taking drinking out of the equation felt uncomfortable at first. Even after I told my father I stopped drinking, he continued to come to my house with bottles of wine, because that is something that we did. It took a series of awkward conversations til they understood I was serious about not drinking, that it wasn't a one-day or one-week occurrence. And now that they realize I am serious, it's a non issue.
It's not easy to turn down drinks when my addictive voice (AV) is acting up, I feel uncomfortable, the people I'm with normalize drinking, and I wonder if "just one" would be ok. What I did was play the tape all the way through to the end to where that first drink inevitably led me.
It's not easy to turn down drinks when my addictive voice (AV) is acting up, I feel uncomfortable, the people I'm with normalize drinking, and I wonder if "just one" would be ok. What I did was play the tape all the way through to the end to where that first drink inevitably led me.
ML, sounds like your parents are giving you some pushback because they're defensive about their own drinking? Could that be the case?
Most of my family lives in Europe, in fact one brother is in Barcelona and I've visited several times and know how ubiquitous drinking is there. I think all you can do is stay on course, be firm but not strident about your decision not to drink, and use the reasons in Meraviglioso's post.
Most of my family lives in Europe, in fact one brother is in Barcelona and I've visited several times and know how ubiquitous drinking is there. I think all you can do is stay on course, be firm but not strident about your decision not to drink, and use the reasons in Meraviglioso's post.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Well messyliver, I agree with Dee, just keep saying no. They'll get the idea eventually.
They can't force it down your throat, only you can do that. Stay strong regardless of their "jokes" about drinking and no matter what they say. If you are serious about not drinking ... THEN DON'T!
They can't force it down your throat, only you can do that. Stay strong regardless of their "jokes" about drinking and no matter what they say. If you are serious about not drinking ... THEN DON'T!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
One thing I've learned is that most people don't care if I don't drink, or even notice. The ones that make an issue out of it are often other problem
drinkers, and the only reason it's an issue to them is because they worry about it themselves.
drinkers, and the only reason it's an issue to them is because they worry about it themselves.
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