Settling in to sobriety on day 24.
 

Well I've made it to 24 days and I finally feel like I am settling in to being and feeling sober. Some of the absolute, constant obsession with alcohol, drinking, sobriety, cravings, alcoholism, psychological questions, wine, fears and everything else is starting to subside.
I am still facing almost daily cravings but they are getting easier to manage and are less frustrating.
I have to be really honest and say that the idea of never drinking again is still something i don't feel like I have fully come to terms with. I know that must come if I want to remain sober. But for the time being I am feeling strong that I can make it through this day. Just a short time ago I didn't feel confident that I would make it through the day, it came down to pure luck it seemed.
There are events on the horizon that concern me. I will be returning to the US for Christmas and I worry about how I will conduct myself there. I think "oh, but Christmas dinner with out wine?" I have visions in my head of sitting around enjoying extended family over a glass of wine. I think of the holiday parties I will attend with friends. I think of my best friend who has expressed her concern that I won't be the same sober. But for now, today I won't drink.
I am thankful that I have another couple of months before I have to face those big challenges. The further I go, the more there is to throw away if I decide to drink. I don't want to obsess over this, but I do think I will start talking to my psychologist about preparing for this trip and coming up with a solid plan.

I also need to maintain a good level of vigilance. I might be feeling ok, right now, this sunny morning but it can sneak up at any time. 24 days is great, but I know I am still at the beginning of this.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I know I couldn't have made such huge personal developments and stayed sober this long without this site. Thank you.

Well done Mera this is wonderful news 24 days is a beautiful thing

Well done you Mera

Thanks soberwolf. You are always so positive and encouraging, it means a lot to have you in my corner.

Mera, Congrats on 24 days! You seem to still be romantizing wine. Instead of thinking about how nice it would be to have wine at the holiidays, think about the effects it has had on you in the past. If you are like me, it is not good. Think of having a sober Christmas for your kids. You can do this.

I would ruin Christmas if I drank, I know that.
I definitely am still romanticizing wine, it is not my last, but clearly my most major hurdle to overcome. Right now I am just riding this out, trying to build up more time. I am avoiding triggers- today I had to close out the Facebook page I manage where I am connected to various food, gourmet, wine and fine dining sites. I am really choosy on what restaurant I go to on the few times I have been out. I haven't cooked certain meals and I am avoiding certain social gatherings like afternoons on the beach, aperitivo. But I won't be able to avoid all this forever, I need to change my mindset, or allow myself time that my mindset changes itself.
I feel like I have a decent handle on the "stereotypical alcoholic" behaviors. I had gotten to the point where I was drinking in the morning, randomly stopping at bars for a quick glass at all hours of the day, drinking alone. I've had a few morning cravings or thoughts to stop by a bar, but they have been fairly easily dismissed.
The ones I am having real trouble with are the "romantic" ones, the glass of wine with a meal, the afternoon beer on the beach, the girls night in over a bottle of wine, sipping on a glass while whipping up a gourmet meal.
The Italians say all the time "piano piano" slowly, slowly

Way to go! I'm a day behind you on #23, and I totally agree about the feeling of settling into sobriety. I'm not allowing myself to become complacent because I know that's a quick and sure road to relapse, but I'm also not thinking about it 24/7 like I was in the first 1-2 weeks. Essentially, sobriety is beginning to feel like a natural part of my life instead of an awkward new undertaking.

Like I told messyliver, it's been stressful for me to 'out myself', so to speak, by telling my family and friends about my sobriety, and politely declining alcohol during special occasions. The worst part has been the anticipation of actually having to say something; but once I get it out there in the open, it feels like a big weight is lifted. Not a single person has responded negatively (yet), and some people have even said that they're proud of me. And if anyone does react negatively in the future? Maybe I should re-consider that relationship. You either grow with me and want the best for me, or you don't. Might be a harsh and crude perspective, but this is my health and my life at stake.

At any rate, good luck to you, and well done on 24 days!!!

Congratulations on 24 days :c011: :c011:

:c011::c011:

A lot of the ways to stay sober are usually achieved by following and sticking to a plan. For me it was practicing to think of NOT drinking as the thought of drinking came so easily. I/we need to try to keep out thoughts where our feet are as in now.
An expression told me by a good Al Anon friend:

“Man Plans-God Laughs!”

Often after my planned whatever goes down the toilet I step back and laugh at my ego driven self.

BE WELL

I am with you on day 24 as well. I too romanticize about vino! It is hard to imagine the holidays without it. This year will be different. I will not be cooking the feast this year as I am not at the point where that won't be the biggest trigger ever.

I was thinking about the comment in regards to you friends concern that you won't be the same sober. She is right, you will be better. You will listen better, give better input and remember everything better. Congratulations to you for the 24 days, I do believe the older crowd that it does get better / easier over time. I already feel better about this then I did 3 weeks ago.

Good going Mera!

Great job!! 24 Days is fantastic!! :You_Rock_

Mera, I romantized the wine too-I read a lot of myself in your posts. You have a great deal of self awareness and I believe that is going to translate into success for you.

Congratulations on 24 days sober, Mera!

Maybe this is the year to create some new Christmas memories, ones that don't involve alcohol. :)

But that's all they are! Romantic visions. They are a lie and you know that.

I totally get where your head is. I get those thoughts too when it comes to the holidays. So I tried it once. Tested it out if you will. Imagined having one nice glass of red wine at the table with dinner. Didn't work. Fail!

Congrats on 24 days! Almost a month!

Great job on 24 days! Try to stay IN today...not tomorrow...or yesterday. Good idea to start working on a plan for the holidays but I have a feeling by the time you get there you will know exactly how to handle it! You'll be fine! :-)

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I hear you loud and clear on many points, Mera. I miss my wine. Not gonna lie. I miss the romantic times with it...cooking a nice meal...sitting in the hot tub...on a dock at the cottage...enjoying some fun times on holidays....BUT I do not miss my teeth turning red, and a wine mustache...or gulping it down...or worrying if I have enough to get through the night...or slicing my finger open on a plate I dropped hammered needing stitches ...getting into a heated argument over something stupid with my bf...only remember 1/2 of the evening....not remembering if I thanked the host properly ...wishing my son hurried up to get to bed so I could get back to my wine...the groggy next day...the anxiety...the depression...Yea, I really miss it ;)

24 days is fantastic Mera :)

I agree with Anna - time for some new, meaningful Xmas traditions :)

D

Great job Mera! I hope you are feeling less tired. It's hard when something new comes along that is associated in your head with drinking. Thinking about Cooking a good meal and having a glass of wine is one that hits me. But it's never just a glass and I have nerve damage on my left index finger from where I carelessly sliced the corner of the tip off while drunkenly mincing parsley a few years ago.

I think I read a while back that your mother quit drinking a while back. Will you be spending time with her over the holidays? Maybe hang with her and see what she does. Even if you don't, making plans now is a good thing. And SR will be with you as well. I love the internet!

Allow me to tell you a little of my story. I did not take my first drink until I was 29 years old - why? I gave in because my first husband wanted us to drink together - I ended up in a bad way until I was 41. At 41 I ran screaming to AA, loved it, made lifelong friends (to this day), but after 6 years of sobriety and shortly after marrying my second (and current) husband, ROMANTICIZED having a vodka on the rocks with him on our patio. He was hesitant but I SWORE to him that it would just be on the weekends...well we all know where that led, for the past 16 years I (we) drank together every night and our drinking got worse. It became the ROMANTIC thing to do, sit together and before my father moved in with us we would sit on the patio, drink several vodka martinis and gaze at the stars and talk for hours solving the worlds problems - right!!! Then I began to feel ill and noticed some physical things occurring that weren't right. On September 29, 2014 I took my last drinks and have now been sober for 23 days. My husband? He has quit also. I still ROMANTICIZE us having our cocktails together and how "bonded" we felt, but were we really? Or was it just the alcohol. Now he has a cranberry and soda, and I drink a diet snapple, and weekends I have my cranberry and ginger ale (just to remind me it's the weekend). Do we still feel bonded? ABSOLUTELY. Are we happy that we are doing this - YES, YES AND YES. Like I said I still ROMANTICIZE the drinking but what is romantic about stupid conversations (sometimes disagreements), the smell of vodka on our breaths, our fear that someone would call or come over while we were drinking, etc., etc., etc. I too am waiting for the romanticizing to go away and I know it will. It will for you too and we will both enjoy those times with the girls, those gourmet meals WITHOUT alcohol. :ring

Thanks all. I definitely am looking forward to new Christmas traditions- ones that don't involve me slurring and staggering through the evening, my mom helping me to bed, pinching my eyes together as I try and enjoy my children on Christmas morning while fighting a raging hangover…
I do want to start the mental preparation now. So from here on out when I daydream about my much anticipated trip back home I will envision myself holding a nice cup of hot tea instead of a glass of wine. Or in the evening at dinner, some sparkling water in a beautiful glass.
Here I go on day 25. Feeling good too, thankful for that.