Day 1 again :(
 

:headbange

Hi Mavis - it's good you keep coming back :)

Have you thought of any ways you might be able to handle things differently this time?

D

Mavis, come on you can do this. Tomorrow is a new day. Learn from this mistake so you don't make it again. Whatever you do don't take that first drink.

I am so sorry that you are starting over. But you are not alone. I am, unfortunately, drinking tonight. I cannot seem to break out of my habitual cycle. I know I need to. I am scared. I know the sooner I break out of this cycle, the sooner my life can start getting straightened out. But as of yet, I have been unable to get sober. Keep trying.. as I will also. I have faith in both of us!

I was in self destruct mode yesterday, really down and angry at myself and the world and just decided to drink :(

Almost 2 bottles of wine.

Didn't even enjoy it but still carried on.

ItsJustMe89 - lets do this together. Get rid of that drink. It never helps does it.

:gaah

Got the sweats this morning too yuck

Keep at it, Mavis. Next time you'll resist the urge. And you'll get stronger.

Hi Mavis I really think you need to talk with husband as support & understanding is vital

Don't beat yourself up but learn from it

there is no point doing the same thing over & over expecting diffrent results

What do you think you need to do ?

Hi Dee and Soberwolf

I did speak to him earlier in the day but then he went out and I was fed up and down

I don't know why I keep sabotaging myself

Do you think hes having trouble accepting the situation ?

you must learn to reach out when your feeling like that i was the same id get drunk and then ask for help i understand

Were all here for you mavis

He said he doesn't think I'm an alcoholic, then when I tried to explain to him that I am he said maybe I was just borderline lol. I don't think he really gets it, because I'm not waking up shaking and needing a drink first thing in the morning etc. He has known some alcoholics at work and I suppose he is comparing me to them and thinking I don't really have a problem.

I didnt get the shakes and i didnt drink in the mornings

Mavis you have been around long enough to hear that this is a progressive illness/disease/addiction

Mavis im dumbfounded by your husband at a basic level he isnt listening at worst hes enabling

Mavis he needs to understand

Hi Mavis,

Alcoholism varies from person to person so it's not surprising your H is denying you have a problem. It has taken nearly two years for me to persuade my wife I do have a problem. We don't do all our drinking in the presence of others and become adept at hiding it.

What kicked off your self destructive mood? Are you still house bound because of your ankle?

Can you declare your home is an alcohol free zone, if it's not there you can't drink it :)

Take care of you and don't beat yourself up.

Hi Mavis , as you will see from my post I am in a similar situation!

Mavis, you keep fronting up here, admitting it's day one again and I for one, congratulate you enormously on that.

Speaks volumes to your character!!!

I think hubby has his head in the sand for some reason but it doesn't matter anyway..... It's what you think that matters.

Just keep getting back on the horse.

I can assure you there is absolutely zero judgement from me on this.

I know as well as anyone how hard this booze thing is to quit.

Normal drinkers just don't get it. When I tried to get my wife to understand the situation, craving, mental obsession..... I may as well have been talking ancient Hebrew.

Best of luck Mavis, keep on keeping on :)

I didn't really know why I self sabotaged either Mavis - not then anyway...

but I didn't have to know why in order to stop doing the same old behaviours and pick another healthier course of action, y'know?

you can too :)

We sabotage ourselves because that's what addiction is- engaging in behavior again and again against our wishes and in spite of negative consequences. Ultimately it's up to you, not anyone else, but I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Pick someplace that's a "neutral site" and explain the issue to him. Let him know that it's not for him to decide if you have a problem. Period. It is not defined by him, but by you.

It is progressive. As bad as things are now they will get worse. I don't say this to frighten but just to enlighten. The longer you wait the worse it will get. Obviously you probably know that, but sometimes it helps to see the words and roll them around in your mind.

You can do it, Mavis! You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try. If you're willing to get up one more time than you fall down then you can lick this.:ring

Mavis, keep at it. I understand how you feel, it is sot frustrating to keep falling time and time again. But you have to keep trying, eventually you are going to get this.
As for your husband, it is really disappointing and hurtful that he doesn't understand. My advice would be to let go of that. I faced that too with my boyfriend. He is wonderful in every way but he just did not get and does not get what it means to be an alcoholic. He simply could not wrap his mind around it no matter how many times and how many ways I tried to explain it. It doesn't make them bad people, it is just a concept that some non-alcoholics have a hard time understanding. Just moderate! Just drink a glass of water in between drinks! Just drink slower and pay attention, stop when you start to feel tipsy!

I'll give you an example. My psychologist told me that she has an addiction to sweets and uses this to help me with my addiction. But I still don't really and truly feel that she gets me the way say, you all here do. In turn, when she tells me that she has locked herself in a bathroom and eaten 2 kilos TWO KILOS of chocolate in one go I have a hard time understanding that. I am an addict for god's sake, yet I still cannot wrap my mind around someone eating almost 4 and half pounds of chocolate in one sitting.

This is your journey. Maybe try a different approach with your husband. Tell him that you know he has a hard time understanding but you would appreciate his support and give him a clear list of what support means to you.

Alcohol never made me feel any better when I felt down or having a bad day, the "idea" of alcohol maybe did looking at drinking as something in the future, but it never worked in reality, it was a myth and a fairytale that happiness could be found in a bottle.

We need to work out new ways of dealing with life, new tools in the toolbox, new patterns and routines.

You can do this Mavis!! :)

Hi Mavis, I'm only 13 days sober and very new to this, but my day #1 would typically be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday but then by Friday I would be weak and drink through the weekend only to quit again M,T,W... Friday's are my "El Guapo" (tough days) so I decided to make day 1 a Friday figuring if I could get through my tough day, then maybe my 2nd toughest day Saturday wouldn't be as difficult and then M,T,W would help build the momentum into Friday, which I conquered last week. It is kinda like when you're a kid and eat your veggies first to get it over with. Okay, now everyone knows that I'm a bit crazy, but once I conquered Friday, it seemed easier for me to win all the other days and to keep winning. I don't want to get complacent, but Friday's no longer scare me and I look forward to the weekend. My wife also didn't understand why I was quitting, I only told her a few days ago, after I had enough time sober behind me so she wouldn't think it was a phase and the forever thing was a bit difficult too, but explaining my reasons and honestly detailing how much we drink made her realize that we had traveled down a very bad road, I think she may quietly be re-evaluating her drinking, although without me drinking she can keep it to 1-2 glasses of wine (of course I remind her that her glass of wine is not "regulation" haha) so I added another reason to stop, I was her bad influence, maybe now I'll be the good influence...good luck on Day #1, you can do this.