Day 1 again :(
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
I was in self destruct mode yesterday, really down and angry at myself and the world and just decided to drink
I am slowly learning that sometimes we truly need to just accept things as they are. Drinking certainly doesn't make them better, does it? Of course not and you already know this.
If nothing else, learn from this incident and have a plan in place for next time. Would talking about your feelings instead have helped? Journaling them? Coming here and saying what was so frustrating so that you didn't see drinking as your only solution?
I know how hard it is, trust me. I have had about one million Day Ones.
Keep trying. Don't give up.
I am slowly learning that sometimes we truly need to just accept things as they are. Drinking certainly doesn't make them better, does it? Of course not and you already know this.
If nothing else, learn from this incident and have a plan in place for next time. Would talking about your feelings instead have helped? Journaling them? Coming here and saying what was so frustrating so that you didn't see drinking as your only solution?
I know how hard it is, trust me. I have had about one million Day Ones.
Keep trying. Don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 155
Great job Mavis. The only person that you need to convince that you are an alcoholic is you. I know how important his support would be, but there are other sources. This site, a a, friends. Don't let him be an excuse to drink.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Mavis, you don't have to be an alcoholic to decide that drinking isn't in your best interest. Maybe explain that to hubby. You know what is true for you. Regardless of what he thinks you are, drinking is hurting you, so maybe he could give you a little support?
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Mavis, (((()))) I am on day 12 now and have been sooooo close to drinking on five of those days. So close. You know I have. I just keep repeating to myself, no, no, no, get up ,make some tea, eat some chocolate, play games, read. That's not to say I will not relapse , it might well be me saying "Day 1 again" at some point, considering how close I've come even in 12 short days. I've given up smoking about 30 times and only lasted a day or so. Still smoking. Self sabotage is very common amongst addicts, I think. I do it all the time. But I was reading something the other day that said if you get into recovery, after a while you start to feel better about yourself, but if you wait to feel better about yourself first you might never get into recovery. Don't know how true this is ,but maybe it's worth keeping that in mind. Chin up chuck, as they say where I come from x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Wellington, NZ
Posts: 250
Hey Mavis,
I really hope you're having a better day :=] Don't forget that you're doing your best. You will get it right. Slipping up is about learning, I think. It's impossible to predict what the best thing to do to stay sober is, you've got to learn that by making mistakes, I reckon.
That '**** the world' attitude is a really serious warning sign for me. I've basically got to run away from situations where I'm vulnerable when I'm feeling like that. Earlier on, I used to just crawl into bed for an hour and wait it out. I know that's not hugely functional, but it seemed to work :=] Take care.
I really hope you're having a better day :=] Don't forget that you're doing your best. You will get it right. Slipping up is about learning, I think. It's impossible to predict what the best thing to do to stay sober is, you've got to learn that by making mistakes, I reckon.
That '**** the world' attitude is a really serious warning sign for me. I've basically got to run away from situations where I'm vulnerable when I'm feeling like that. Earlier on, I used to just crawl into bed for an hour and wait it out. I know that's not hugely functional, but it seemed to work :=] Take care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Sweet Mavis. I could not have gotten sober without going to AA. Every day in the beginning. I don't remember why you are resisting using this tool, but just wanted to remind you of it's potential. I did an awful lot of "day 1s" on my own before I admitted that my approach wasn't working...
Tweak the recipe somehow...
As to the hubby, I've read that often the spouse has a vested interest in not supporting sobriety - that because we change & become happier, stronger, more confident, it shifts the balance of power in the relationship. The "refusal to believe" doesn't make sense, as he is regular witness to your struggle & misery. Don't know him, but offering the info in case it proves useful...
Don't doubt your capacity to create the self you want to be!
Tweak the recipe somehow...
As to the hubby, I've read that often the spouse has a vested interest in not supporting sobriety - that because we change & become happier, stronger, more confident, it shifts the balance of power in the relationship. The "refusal to believe" doesn't make sense, as he is regular witness to your struggle & misery. Don't know him, but offering the info in case it proves useful...
Don't doubt your capacity to create the self you want to be!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Folks or family who do not have an addiction
problem don't know what it is to be one. I
for myself believe that it takes one to know
one.
I was the one in my family with this addiction
illness and was sent to rehab thru a family
intervention. Once I entered recovery and
was taught about my addiction and its affects
on me and those around me, I accepted my
illness and accepted the help offered to me
so that I wouldn't have to drink and kill myself.
Even tho my family believed and still believe
I am not an alcoholic and that I am cured and
that I don't need a recovery program to live
my life after all theses yrs. sober, I for myself
don't have to convence anyone that I am
because I know what I am and I know what
I need and want to live a happy, healthy life.
In order to remain sober each day, I needed
and wanted support. I needed and wanted to
be around others just like I who have been
there and done similar to the same things as
I when drinking. Folks that understand me
with no questions asked.
I found support in the AA program of recovery.
I was given this program consisting of steps
and principles to incorporate in my everyday
life for each day I didn't drink.
Today I still live by them and remain sober,
healthy, happy and honest in all my affairs.
As far as family, we have gone our separate
ways due to the lack of understanding and
communication. I learned that in order for
a family with a sick person in one are also
affected by it, then each is recommended to
seek help and understanding about addiction
thru various recovery programs available to
all members of the family to remain healthy.
Listen, Learn, Absorb, Apply all the knowledge
you can about addiction so that you can begin
to enjoy a healthy, happy life in recovery for
yourself.
problem don't know what it is to be one. I
for myself believe that it takes one to know
one.
I was the one in my family with this addiction
illness and was sent to rehab thru a family
intervention. Once I entered recovery and
was taught about my addiction and its affects
on me and those around me, I accepted my
illness and accepted the help offered to me
so that I wouldn't have to drink and kill myself.
Even tho my family believed and still believe
I am not an alcoholic and that I am cured and
that I don't need a recovery program to live
my life after all theses yrs. sober, I for myself
don't have to convence anyone that I am
because I know what I am and I know what
I need and want to live a happy, healthy life.
In order to remain sober each day, I needed
and wanted support. I needed and wanted to
be around others just like I who have been
there and done similar to the same things as
I when drinking. Folks that understand me
with no questions asked.
I found support in the AA program of recovery.
I was given this program consisting of steps
and principles to incorporate in my everyday
life for each day I didn't drink.
Today I still live by them and remain sober,
healthy, happy and honest in all my affairs.
As far as family, we have gone our separate
ways due to the lack of understanding and
communication. I learned that in order for
a family with a sick person in one are also
affected by it, then each is recommended to
seek help and understanding about addiction
thru various recovery programs available to
all members of the family to remain healthy.
Listen, Learn, Absorb, Apply all the knowledge
you can about addiction so that you can begin
to enjoy a healthy, happy life in recovery for
yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Mavis, glad to see you're back here. It happens. I've had days when I was so angry I felt that I would burst into flames. Drinking would only have added fuel to that fire. I'd stomp around for a bit, sit in the bathroom by myself, get in my car to tear off into the night and then not leave the curb. But I didn't drink even though every nerve in my body wanted to.
Anger is one of the triggers from the acronym HALT. I think that what someone else already said is true. You don't necessarily have to be an alcoholic to know that drinking is doing you no favors. Is your husband threatened by you not drinking? Maybe he's examining his own drinking and feeling scared that he may have to stop? I wish I could give suggestions on that but my husband is an alcoholic as well so fully understands. I don't know if any normal drinker could fully understand that bottomless hunger and need for a drink that hits.
Hang in there. Weekender thread starts up tomorrow! Come visit and check in.
Anger is one of the triggers from the acronym HALT. I think that what someone else already said is true. You don't necessarily have to be an alcoholic to know that drinking is doing you no favors. Is your husband threatened by you not drinking? Maybe he's examining his own drinking and feeling scared that he may have to stop? I wish I could give suggestions on that but my husband is an alcoholic as well so fully understands. I don't know if any normal drinker could fully understand that bottomless hunger and need for a drink that hits.
Hang in there. Weekender thread starts up tomorrow! Come visit and check in.
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