Thomasthetank

The weather was a little too crazy tonight. My friends wanted to go to a bar, which i'm kind of upset about.

Fish, chips and a diet coke it is then for me.

My brothers funeral is the day after tomorrow and I can't sleep, but that's ok. My eyes are a little tired and my head aches, but I'll manage.

I understand people want to drink, but I felt they could lay off a few days out of respect.

On the plus side, I've had a type of spiritual awakening during this whole process. I'm not going to start buying crystals or anything, but I think I can think more clearly about the things in life that matter.

One thing my brother said that came back to me when we were discussing science and religion was "maybe they're the same, like, maybe science is the puzzle and once we put all the pieces together. Then we wont need a heaven, we'll already be there".

I thought it was a pretty elegant way of looking at things.

Sometimes I feel happy momentarily and I catch myself and feel guilty, but I try to remember that's all he ever wanted.

Sorry about all the posts guys, I'm not trying to turn this forum into my own personal mourning blog, i just have no one else to talk to.

Thanks again.

Tom.

Wastinglife

You are going through a very tough and emotional time right now. Feel free to post all you want. Kind strangers who don't judge may be what you need to help you through this.

biminiblue

I like reading your posts, they are a reflection of what's going on with you. We all have death in our families, and it's never easy, Thomas. Keep posting.


I like your brother's take on science and religion. Science can't explain a lot of things - and I don't think it ever will. I personally wouldn't want to live in a world where everything had an explanation - mystery is part of life. Even the most religious among us have to admit they don't understand God. It is unknowable.

Soberwolf

Thomas dont be so silly post all you want we are all here for you

what your brother told you is what i believe in

i also think your friends could have laid off the booze out of respect but it just goes to show how far you Thomas not them have come and im certain you have one proud brother in the stars somewhere

i think your one very brave man its a big hit to take and here you are sharing in such a way im astounded your definatly not taking up forum space talking about this

and we are here for you whenever you need

there is an online mtn in chat at 9pm est or 2am if your uk like me il be there we discuss a topic im sure it will help if your up for it ?

whatever and whenever were all here for you Thomas

Thomasthetank

I think that's why he never defined with any religion despite openly believing in some kind of unknown higher power. He figured that if whatever he, or she or it wanted us to know, we'd know. Just be a good person and enjoy the mystery. That's what he thought, I'm beginning to see the wisdom in that.

Waterfalls2014

Hang in there Thomas. Memories are what will keep you going. Hugs.

Anna

Thomas, of course you can and should post as often as you want to. You're going through a tough time. I'm sorry the camping was cancelled, but I'm glad you're okay about it.

trachemys

Post all you want, Thomas. Someone here will be up with you. Sucks the camping was cancelled. A night sleeping on the earth always did me good.

ESD907

Thomas, I signed on because of your post...You made me sad. I feel badly for what you are going thru, death truly sucks...and thomas, You also remind me of my son Thor, who loved Thomas..... And Thor just got the all green after a few months of chemo. I have a really soft spot when I see anything Thomas related. I still sleep with his baby blankets. I can't imagine losing a sibling. IT was hard enough to lose parents. WE are here, I'm watching, even if I"m not signed on. I'm with you in thought.I just dealt with people who I thought were not doing' the right' thing regarding a death. BUT was it my call? I think it was. but its really not. YET. I will have nothing to do with those relatives ever again. so? make of it what you will. WE simply live our lives. the way we want to.

luvmygirls

Tom, I'm really sorry that your camping trip was cancelled. It sounds like it would have been good for you to get away from everything, at least for a moment. Take good care, and please keep posting.

Lola23

Tom - I haven't posted much on your threads but have been following. Please don't apologize for posting...your posts have been beautiful descriptions of your brother and I've enjoyed reading them.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss, please keep posting as much as you need to.

Thomasthetank

Before I head off to bed, I just thought I'd add something which I realised I haven't really said when I was talking to soberwolf.

I haven't really explained what this support means to me.

All my friends right now are hitting the bottle. I don't exclusively hang around with alcoholics, but they're all drinkers. And they do what drinkers do when they're grieving, they drink.

I'm not saying that in a judgemental way, I'd be with them right now if I hadn't changed lately.

I'd also be with them if it weren't for you guys.

If the only people I had to talk to were getting drunk I'd be halfway to oblivion right now. But knowing there are people out there listening who don't want me to go for a drink tonight, or any night, keeps me strong.

Plenty of you have said i'm strong and I appreciate that, but my strength stands on the strength of this forum.

No man is an island, but all the other islands had rum and I can't go there, so I stayed here instead.

You all saved me from myself.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

melki

Thomas, my thoughts are with you. Please keep posting. We all need each other.

melki

I also relate to the spiritual awakening upon the loss of someone I loved. The pain has that way of opening up some doors in our awareness.

I'm glad you're sticking close to the site and not drinking.

courage2

Thomas, thank you in return for sharing yourself with us, honestly. I'm very glad you're not drinking and glad that you feel relief and support by coming here. SR has helped me too in some bad times. We're kind of an odd community, but a real one. I hope you sleep well and will look for your posts tomorrow.

Ellay

Huge hugs and strength coming your way from me. I am so proud of you not picking up a drink, and I am sure your brother is too. I am sorry you aren't able to get away, but everything happens for a reason...you are here for something ...

DrakeCKC

I went through a tragic family death years ago drunk on my tail. It still haunts me, I know many never forgave me. You are so strong and grounded thanks to sobriety, and an inspiration to us all.

hang in there friend!

MythOfSisyphus

That is so true, Thomas. Once drinking was the only tool in my toolbox, too. Great day? Celebrate with a drink! Lousy day? Drown my sorrows. Like you said, not judgement- they either aren't alcoholics and/or they've never looked at other tools.

It's great that you understand down to your bones that drinking won't help. Anything. It won't help you and it won't help your brother. I'm sure even in as much pain as he was in he never would have wanted to see you return to the bottle.

We're always here, Tom. You never have to worry about wearing out your welcome. I have family but they simply have no frame of reference to understand the experience of addiction. When it comes to alcohol SR is my family!

razor15

This is an amazing place that is here to help and support us all. It is an amazing place of strength for me as well. You are very strong, Tom.

FreeOwl

I'm glad you're here, Thomas.

Thank you for sharing with us and coming here for support to stay strong.

You're helping me stay sober too.