You have to quit for you...
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by ru12 
Yea I'm just afraid that some will keep on drinking because they don't yet want to quit for themselves. .. And they keep hearing they have to want it for themselves. Probably misplaced worry. I just hate what alcohol does to people like us.
Everything was unraveling. My marriage, my health, my career, my mind. I just couldn't juggle the balls anymore and drink a fifth a day. I guess I quit for a lot of reasons some external some internal.
In the beginning I knew things could not continue as they were and alcohol was the problem but I still thought that maybe just maybe I wouldn't have to quit drinking
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
This is slightly off topic, but since health is my primary incentive for staying sober, one of the best techniques I've figured out to get through moments of discouragement or desire to drink is to Google images of people with advanced liver disease. I know that sounds gross, and that's because it is! The extended bellies on the skeletal bodies, all vein webbed, yellowed skin. Heartbreaking. Not the way I want to die.
When I have no other reason to stay sober, that works. Just a tip that I've figured out in the absence of beloved family incentives...
Sorry if that disturbed anyone. I know that many of us have lost people to liver failure, and don't want to trigger pain. But I felt it was a worthy tip to share, because there are a couple of times that this technique has been all that has kept me from drinking in these last few months...
When I have no other reason to stay sober, that works. Just a tip that I've figured out in the absence of beloved family incentives...
Sorry if that disturbed anyone. I know that many of us have lost people to liver failure, and don't want to trigger pain. But I felt it was a worthy tip to share, because there are a couple of times that this technique has been all that has kept me from drinking in these last few months...
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by Zencat
I refer to achieving my sobriety by 'letting go' of alcohol/drugs. It altered my perception of the recovery process from having to stop drinking to being released from drinking. That shift in paradigm has really helped me, maybe it will help someone too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
I can only share my experience.
I should have quit for career #1. I did not.
I should have quit for relationship #1, I did not.
I should have quit for career #2. I did not.
I should have quit for relationship #2, I did not.
I should have quit for career #3. I did not.
I should have quit when my drunken accidents became more and more serious.
I did not.
I should have quit when my friends begged me not to drink anymore.
I did not.
I should have quit when I nearly died.
Thankfully, that time, I did
Through all that ^ I had the idea that none of that was really my fault and all I needed to do was find a way to drink without the negative consequences.
I had to want to quit.
But my story's not about waiting until you want to quit - it's about the importance of facing up to the very real problem we all have, and doing something about it before you lose everything, like I did.
D
I should have quit for career #1. I did not.
I should have quit for relationship #1, I did not.
I should have quit for career #2. I did not.
I should have quit for relationship #2, I did not.
I should have quit for career #3. I did not.
I should have quit when my drunken accidents became more and more serious.
I did not.
I should have quit when my friends begged me not to drink anymore.
I did not.
I should have quit when I nearly died.
Thankfully, that time, I did
Through all that ^ I had the idea that none of that was really my fault and all I needed to do was find a way to drink without the negative consequences.
I had to want to quit.
But my story's not about waiting until you want to quit - it's about the importance of facing up to the very real problem we all have, and doing something about it before you lose everything, like I did.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
I feel that we all need a variety of different experiences, that we learn from the consequences of, before we can quit. For many it is losing jobs, relationships, home, injuries, STD's, and freedom.
Whenever we hit consequences that wake us up and make us realize that we have a problem with alcohol we try to control it. It took me about 10 years on this. It replaced many different normal things that brought me happiness (talking with friends, dating, family activities, feeling of accomplishment from various interests, inspiration and goals for my future) and became the only source. The only source that truly made me happy.
Finally, we get to the point of reaching out for help after years of failed attempts of controlling it. Many people use AA, quitting for self/both/others, just being sick of it, knowing you can do so much more, afraid of the direction and future consequences when blacked out.
If you look at the last 100 years, I would say most people require physical support groups. Although, that is only the majority. There are still many of us who choose only online support, or no support at all.
I don't feel recovery is quantifiable or methods can be written for others to follow. It is sooo personal and intimate that it often takes years of controlling, just to understand that part of us. The goal is to never drink again. If that bothers someone then I would suggest greater support or further drinking to provide evidence. However.. I would never suggest any of us to ever drink to "search for evidence" because once you enter that pursuit we become blind and focused and the evidence may kill us, or others (drunk driving). Then again, others have had megalithic evidence and ignored it until death(s).
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, just what i'm feeling about the subject. This is my experience as someone who once couldn't bear the thought of giving it up forever.
Whenever we hit consequences that wake us up and make us realize that we have a problem with alcohol we try to control it. It took me about 10 years on this. It replaced many different normal things that brought me happiness (talking with friends, dating, family activities, feeling of accomplishment from various interests, inspiration and goals for my future) and became the only source. The only source that truly made me happy.
Finally, we get to the point of reaching out for help after years of failed attempts of controlling it. Many people use AA, quitting for self/both/others, just being sick of it, knowing you can do so much more, afraid of the direction and future consequences when blacked out.
If you look at the last 100 years, I would say most people require physical support groups. Although, that is only the majority. There are still many of us who choose only online support, or no support at all.
I don't feel recovery is quantifiable or methods can be written for others to follow. It is sooo personal and intimate that it often takes years of controlling, just to understand that part of us. The goal is to never drink again. If that bothers someone then I would suggest greater support or further drinking to provide evidence. However.. I would never suggest any of us to ever drink to "search for evidence" because once you enter that pursuit we become blind and focused and the evidence may kill us, or others (drunk driving). Then again, others have had megalithic evidence and ignored it until death(s).
I hope this doesn't offend anyone, just what i'm feeling about the subject. This is my experience as someone who once couldn't bear the thought of giving it up forever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by ru12
So I've see that phrase or some derivation of it over and over again on this forum. And I'm here to say, in my experience, no you don't. You just have to quit.
I quit for many reasons: the most powerful was I no longer was going to have a wife with a drunk for a husband. I stopped because I loved her more than I loved me and how I felt while drinking. She is a stubborn woman and would have hung around watching me kill myself for years to come. I know she would. That is just how she is. I just couldn't see that look of... Resigned disappointment again.
Now I don't drink, and it certainly it is for me, but it is also for my wife and my kids and my work and my community.
So if you are new, you don't have to want to quit for you, quit for all the good things in this life that alcohol will destroy if you keep drinking. Or just quit because drinking alcohol is a dumba$$ thing to do.
I quit for many reasons: the most powerful was I no longer was going to have a wife with a drunk for a husband. I stopped because I loved her more than I loved me and how I felt while drinking. She is a stubborn woman and would have hung around watching me kill myself for years to come. I know she would. That is just how she is. I just couldn't see that look of... Resigned disappointment again.
Now I don't drink, and it certainly it is for me, but it is also for my wife and my kids and my work and my community.
So if you are new, you don't have to want to quit for you, quit for all the good things in this life that alcohol will destroy if you keep drinking. Or just quit because drinking alcohol is a dumba$$ thing to do.
The way I look at it is that I will never be my best for other people if I don't take care of myself first. That self-care includes sobriety.
So, yes, I do it for other people, but it has to start with me.
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