Have read for almost 2 years. Yes two years and as I've read...he is still "showing" me who he is....
Am the supposed "girlfriend" of an addict, can't say "loved one" because his one and only true love is drugs. of course the "girlfriend" description is on again off again, between all the binges, addiction, affairs, deceptions, lies, deception, omissions, & illegal garbage...whatever status suited his current need for an ago or alternate body part being stroked.
I have two beautiful daughter (not his) that depending on if its him or the addict present , are still impacted on a daily/weekly/monthly basis by his addiction to sex/lies/drugs and mine to him(according to the couples counselor). He will either treat them like gold or steal from their piggy banks and be present or not.
It is embarrassing to admit how far gone things are and how foolish/fooled one has been, yet it is also very liberating to be a feeling, loving person and actually survive what loving an addict entails.
I battle daily with my heart and mind at odds... one should not have to "suffer" at the expense of the other...so i do my best try to learn how to ensure I am meeting the needs of both... with or without the addict in my life.
With each passing day the hope that kept me going emotionally is taking a back seat to the logic. Am I perfect? hardly, but I am also not going to be blamed or a scapegoat for someones addiction.
I struggle with the "detach with love" and labels associated with having an addict in ones life.
Healthy boundaries? A work in progress. Honestly had those been in place I probably would not be in this situation.
In a nutshell I am a person who has spent far to much time and energy focusing on an addict who really honestly isn't all that interested in "recovery" or his "girlfriend" because ...heck there will always be and always has been another mark, addict, "random" there to give him a quick fix if he can't afford his DOC.