Afraid of the "Are you pregnant question"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 40
Afraid of the "Are you pregnant question"
Hello,
I guess to explain my situation you need to know a few things, first I am a first time mom of a beautiful 1 1/2 year old and my postpartum anxiety lead me to become a heavier drinker than I had ever been before becoming pregnant. I had since then became pregnant with my second, which I lost to a miscarriage earlier this year. This took me deeper and deeper into alcoholism. I am now on the path to getting my life back, but I am so afraid of hearing the "Are you pregnant?" question when I start telling people I don't drink anymore. The pain I fear is going to be to much to bear especially since my close knit family only knows me with a wine glass in my hand. I would be grateful for any help or suggestions you have.
-Broken Hearted
I guess to explain my situation you need to know a few things, first I am a first time mom of a beautiful 1 1/2 year old and my postpartum anxiety lead me to become a heavier drinker than I had ever been before becoming pregnant. I had since then became pregnant with my second, which I lost to a miscarriage earlier this year. This took me deeper and deeper into alcoholism. I am now on the path to getting my life back, but I am so afraid of hearing the "Are you pregnant?" question when I start telling people I don't drink anymore. The pain I fear is going to be to much to bear especially since my close knit family only knows me with a wine glass in my hand. I would be grateful for any help or suggestions you have.
-Broken Hearted
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm very sorry for your loss.
If someone says something that makes you sad, then you cry. It's okay to cry - it's how we heal.
I know that alcohol makes everything worse, and makes depression much worse. Have you talked to your doctor about support groups or possibly therapy?
I do best when I focus on my blessings, not my sorrows. It makes life much better.
If someone says something that makes you sad, then you cry. It's okay to cry - it's how we heal.
I know that alcohol makes everything worse, and makes depression much worse. Have you talked to your doctor about support groups or possibly therapy?
I do best when I focus on my blessings, not my sorrows. It makes life much better.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I don't know your exact situation TX, but I can say that for most of us, the fact that we are not drinking anymore is really not of concern to most people. We obsess about our drinking ( or our lack of ) because we are alcholics - but for the most part other people do not care in the least. They may ask a question, but it's simply words - and you can simply answer no. It's great that you are getting your life back on track - and that should be your focus, not what other people think of it ( and for the most part no one will think of it anyway! ).
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I'm sorry for what you've been through....
I can't offer anything specific to your situation, but I can say that during a meeting today, a mother shared her terrible grief over her daughter's loss of her child on the weekend - a miscarriage at 5 months.
This mother's heartbreak filled the room, and my own heart ached for her and for the two young parents whose baby lived only a few minutes....
This woman shared her pain, but she also shared her Gratitude for sobriety. For being able to be there for her daughter and - despite the horrible grief of it all - to be fully present, sober, and filled with the strength of faith.
Maybe a community like AA could be helpful to you, too.
I wish you strength, peace and sobriety.
I can't offer anything specific to your situation, but I can say that during a meeting today, a mother shared her terrible grief over her daughter's loss of her child on the weekend - a miscarriage at 5 months.
This mother's heartbreak filled the room, and my own heart ached for her and for the two young parents whose baby lived only a few minutes....
This woman shared her pain, but she also shared her Gratitude for sobriety. For being able to be there for her daughter and - despite the horrible grief of it all - to be fully present, sober, and filled with the strength of faith.
Maybe a community like AA could be helpful to you, too.
I wish you strength, peace and sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling.
If you are so concerned about your reaction to people's questions, why not stay away from those kinds of get-togethers for awhile? When I stopped drinking, I stayed away from people drinking alcohol for many months. I needed to do that. When you feel stronger, then you could begin socializing again.
If you are so concerned about your reaction to people's questions, why not stay away from those kinds of get-togethers for awhile? When I stopped drinking, I stayed away from people drinking alcohol for many months. I needed to do that. When you feel stronger, then you could begin socializing again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Hello and welcome. Congratulations on your decision to get sober, what a gift you are giving yourself as a mother and a gift to your child.
I am so sorry for your loss and can completely understand how you are dreading that question, which yes, is likely to come up.
YOu seem most concerned about your close knit family. Could you beat them to the punch and bring up your decision before the question arises? You don't have to go too far into it, detailing your relationship with alcohol or the extent of your problem. Maybe just say "oh, but the way, did I tell you I have cut out alcohol? I am feeling really good/have more energy/have lost a few pounds [any benefit that you have noticed that would be a good reason for even a non-alcoholic not to drink]"
Come on and post here in your moments of sadness or stress, anything but drink. Drinking only makes it worse.
I am so sorry for your loss and can completely understand how you are dreading that question, which yes, is likely to come up.
YOu seem most concerned about your close knit family. Could you beat them to the punch and bring up your decision before the question arises? You don't have to go too far into it, detailing your relationship with alcohol or the extent of your problem. Maybe just say "oh, but the way, did I tell you I have cut out alcohol? I am feeling really good/have more energy/have lost a few pounds [any benefit that you have noticed that would be a good reason for even a non-alcoholic not to drink]"
Come on and post here in your moments of sadness or stress, anything but drink. Drinking only makes it worse.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,359
I'm sorry for your loss and your pain TXStrong
I agree with Anna - if you think that may happen and it's going to upset you then I think it's more than ok not to be around alcohol and drinkers until you feel stronger.
D
I agree with Anna - if you think that may happen and it's going to upset you then I think it's more than ok not to be around alcohol and drinkers until you feel stronger.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Some top advice so far!!
For me Sobriety came with some tough decisions, which situations to put myself in, what people to hang out with, it all came down to not putting any hurdles in the way, make it happen at any cost.
Though life doesn't happen in a vacuum and sometimes it's not easy, I am very sorry for your loss TXStrong, and everything that you're feeling.
My alcoholic mind was the person that thought more about what was in my glass, how much was in my glass, and who's round it was, more than anyone else in the room, this was an eye opener when I got Sober, and it's reassuring because to us alcohol was the centre of the universe, but to others it isn't the main show in town.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Welcome!!
For me Sobriety came with some tough decisions, which situations to put myself in, what people to hang out with, it all came down to not putting any hurdles in the way, make it happen at any cost.
Though life doesn't happen in a vacuum and sometimes it's not easy, I am very sorry for your loss TXStrong, and everything that you're feeling.
My alcoholic mind was the person that thought more about what was in my glass, how much was in my glass, and who's round it was, more than anyone else in the room, this was an eye opener when I got Sober, and it's reassuring because to us alcohol was the centre of the universe, but to others it isn't the main show in town.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Welcome!!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Wow, that sucks. I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I'm 42 so my friends are past the baby stage, but I remember how it was..."ohhh, you're not drinking, huh? Mmmm hmm!" Knowing smile. You: "No seriously guys, I'm not!" Them: "OK, whatever you say!" I totally get it. It will probably be a nuisance for you, but hopefully just in the short term. (((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 40
Thank you
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
Hello and welcome. Congratulations on your decision to get sober, what a gift you are giving yourself as a mother and a gift to your child.
I am so sorry for your loss and can completely understand how you are dreading that question, which yes, is likely to come up.
YOu seem most concerned about your close knit family. Could you beat them to the punch and bring up your decision before the question arises? You don't have to go too far into it, detailing your relationship with alcohol or the extent of your problem. Maybe just say "oh, but the way, did I tell you I have cut out alcohol? I am feeling really good/have more energy/have lost a few pounds [any benefit that you have noticed that would be a good reason for even a non-alcoholic not to drink]"
Come on and post here in your moments of sadness or stress, anything but drink. Drinking only makes it worse.
I am so sorry for your loss and can completely understand how you are dreading that question, which yes, is likely to come up.
YOu seem most concerned about your close knit family. Could you beat them to the punch and bring up your decision before the question arises? You don't have to go too far into it, detailing your relationship with alcohol or the extent of your problem. Maybe just say "oh, but the way, did I tell you I have cut out alcohol? I am feeling really good/have more energy/have lost a few pounds [any benefit that you have noticed that would be a good reason for even a non-alcoholic not to drink]"
Come on and post here in your moments of sadness or stress, anything but drink. Drinking only makes it worse.
After a long hard day I was going to stop for a glass of wine at Pei Wei and heading home, but I know that's just opening a door to the past and came home then I thought i'll have a beer (it never has had any real effect to me, so it actually frustrates me and leads me to wine again) but after reading a bed time book, putting my daughter in Jammie's and tucking her in I completely forgot the want. I'm calling that a win
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
My sister lost her first born in a home delivery gone terribly wrong.... it was the worst thing that ever could of happened and the pain never goes away. I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can ever make it right.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
