aidan1969

Hello everyone,

here I am again on day 1 but the truth is that I have not got beyond day 3 in the past long month.

I am recovering today from a Saturday night / all day yesterday alcohol and cocaine session.

Today I feel dreadful, extremely anxious, fearful, sick and have barely slept in 2 nights. Oh God why do I do this to myself!

I have an appointment booked for this Wednesday with a doctor who specialises in addiction in a local hospital (and after my busy weekend, barely have the funds to pay for the visit) but please God this is the start of a recovery. I am lacking confidence though to be honest.

Thank you for your support - Fiona, if you are reading this, thank you for your recent post to me, much appreciated

Take care,
Aidan

trachemys

Hey, Aiden



cut that out.

airwick

I hope the appointment goes well for you on Wednesday

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are taking it seriously this time and seeing a specialist. Make sure you go in with an open mind and be very, very honest about your use/abuse. They are there to help and have heard it all, many times over - so don't be afraid to let it all out.

Soberwolf

Keep trying introduce a plan to help stay sober

sprout50

Going to the specialist is a good idea. Keep trying.

JanieJ

Hi Aidan, good luck on Wednesday. As others have said, you need a plan that you think you will be able to stick with. We're all rooting for you.

PurpleKnight

What support are you using Aidan? sheer willpower only got me so far, I went round and round in circles not achieving any longterm results.

Support and a plan made all the difference!!

Go at things again, tweak your plan, you can do this!!

Dee74

I hope the doctor will help Aidan - feel free to use this community too - post and read as much as you like - maybe join the Class of October support thread?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-2-a-5.html

D

Hevyn

Aidan - It sounds like you learned something valuable. There's nothing in it for us anymore. It'll never bring us anything but misery and regret.

aidan1969

Thank you all for your messages of support, they are much appreciated.

I woke several times last night to find my bed clothes drenched in sweat but I did sleep and feel better for it today.

So tomorrow I have the appointment and as advised I will be completely honest with the doctor and his feedback will be very valuable in particular with regard to my alcohol use. I fully appreciate that my cocaine use is unacceptable, wrong and very destructive and needs to go. For some reason though I see my alcohol use as "heavy drinking" which because it occurs 2 or 3 times a week is not alcoholism but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I feel there are two "me's" inside of me, one who wants to be clean living and sober but another who thinks what could be more boring and sure it's ok to have a few drinks.

But as said, maybe it's time to cut it out and understand there is nothing in it for me anymore..

Thanks all,
Aidan

Cecilia44

Good luck aidan. It sounds like me, the drinking 2 or 3 days a week. I still have a somewhat belief that I am not a "real alcoholic" because I don't do it every day.

I drink in excess every time I DO decide to drink. Yep, I am an alcoholic.

Soberwolf

Hi Aiden i was the exact same i gave up Cocaine 3 years ago and thought i was just a heavy drinker

your post sounds just like me the 2 me's i have a link for you Cherokee Legend - Two Wolves.

as for the sweating i know exactly what you mean its very common i woke up drenched everywhere with sweat

Aiden read the link its the story of the 2 wolves im sure youl relate to this its how i got my name

speak soon

Serenidad

Good luck Aiden! Don't give up! EVER!

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

aidan1969

Thanks everyone for more messages of support

Soberwolf, I'm going to put dinner on for my sister and then look forward to reading your posts..

Take it easy,
Aidan