I'm the fool crying in the grocery store
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
My emotions were all over the place at first as I returned from the numbness of drinking. It does settle down. I changed from wine to vodka too! In my alcohol soaked insane mind it seemed a more efficient way of getting drunk. Quicker and less calories!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
No worries, sister...I'm starting to think that the tears are part of what I was hiding from with my drinking!
I involuntarily started crying on a date, no less, last week, when he said something that - for whatever reason - because it was pretty benign - hurt my feelings. (Wow, that's one emotionally stable lady you asked out there, mister) What I figured out later was that I was swimming in anxiety in general that night, amped up on it, around a zillion sober dating issues, and it was likely inevitable that I was going to crack open at some point in the evening. We hung out a few times, but that was the last time that we did and (huh, go figure...) I feel like he's gotten very "busy" and is avoiding me now. (but...it was just graceful tears...and the delicate wiping of my smearing eye makeup...)
Well, I came to peace with it last night, deciding that maybe (and I know this is magical thinking) God squeezed those tears out of me, just to get rid of the fella. I'm not supposed to be dating in early sobriety (says aa wisdom), and now I worked that all out for myself. I'm discovering that I can hear the wisdoms, but often end up having to have the difficult experience anyway... I'm just a kinetic learner.
But what I've learned from this is that the tears will just pour out unexpectedly, so we might as well expect them, and that "early sobriety" is not just the first few weeks (I'm in my third month now, and while my internal chaos is slowly clearing, it is still a churning sea). Anytime we've reached the edge of our ability to hold, we will overflow.
What that speaks to for me is that if I find myself crying a river, over something that is just a fleeting image or a memory or an interpreted "insulting comment," I need to back down, back away, step one step back in my recovery. I have overestimated my capacity at that moment. I am a convalescent (emotionally) and have leapt from my bed, overambitious and tired of "resting" - but it is sometimes just a bit too much for me.
Take good care of yourself, and expect the occasional breakdown. For some it is expressed in frustration and anger, and for some of us it is tears...
I involuntarily started crying on a date, no less, last week, when he said something that - for whatever reason - because it was pretty benign - hurt my feelings. (Wow, that's one emotionally stable lady you asked out there, mister) What I figured out later was that I was swimming in anxiety in general that night, amped up on it, around a zillion sober dating issues, and it was likely inevitable that I was going to crack open at some point in the evening. We hung out a few times, but that was the last time that we did and (huh, go figure...) I feel like he's gotten very "busy" and is avoiding me now. (but...it was just graceful tears...and the delicate wiping of my smearing eye makeup...)
Well, I came to peace with it last night, deciding that maybe (and I know this is magical thinking) God squeezed those tears out of me, just to get rid of the fella. I'm not supposed to be dating in early sobriety (says aa wisdom), and now I worked that all out for myself. I'm discovering that I can hear the wisdoms, but often end up having to have the difficult experience anyway... I'm just a kinetic learner.
But what I've learned from this is that the tears will just pour out unexpectedly, so we might as well expect them, and that "early sobriety" is not just the first few weeks (I'm in my third month now, and while my internal chaos is slowly clearing, it is still a churning sea). Anytime we've reached the edge of our ability to hold, we will overflow.
What that speaks to for me is that if I find myself crying a river, over something that is just a fleeting image or a memory or an interpreted "insulting comment," I need to back down, back away, step one step back in my recovery. I have overestimated my capacity at that moment. I am a convalescent (emotionally) and have leapt from my bed, overambitious and tired of "resting" - but it is sometimes just a bit too much for me.
Take good care of yourself, and expect the occasional breakdown. For some it is expressed in frustration and anger, and for some of us it is tears...
Great Job!
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