About Me and my struggle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 47
About Me and my struggle
I have only been a member here for about a week now and starting to get a good feel for the forum and the people here. Everyone has been terrific! Thank You all for your posts, advice and well wishes. Means alot to me!
Just wanted to give a brief history of myself so that you better understand my situation. Here goes.
I'm a 39 yr old single male with no children (divorced 7 years ago). I have a cat and dog. I'm fortunate to be alive and that I have not lost everything but I have lost a lot due to excessive drinking. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings whose ages are all within a year or two of each other's and then there's me...10 years younger. Alcoholism runs very strong in my family. I lost my dad to liver failure when he was 51...I was 17. My mom moved me away from him when I was about 3 and I never really new him. My family is not a close one due to alcohol. Ive worked and drank since I was about 14. Everything I own is due to my work ethic. After landing my first good job at about 18 the drinking became more excessive because I could afford to buy more. To this day I consider myself to be a high functioning alcoholic. I own my home, my toys, have a good job, bills are always paid, debt free and I look after myself other than my drinking. I live in a small town and it's well known how much I drink. My reputation is not a good one. I don't hang out in bars (anymore) because of the fool I am and the guilt/anxiety I feel the next morning. Now I rely on social media/texting to feel guilty. I usually drink alone while doing what needs to be done around the house including renovations, repairs, the animals among other things. I never sit down, I'm always on the go even though I'm drunk. Since my divorce my drinking has become very excessive. I know I can drink 16 beer a night and still be at work the next morning so that's my limit. After work I make sure to buy my beer, cigarettes, something for supper and do whatever running around I need to do....so that I don't have to leave again till morning. Weekends I buy 24 beer so theres some left for me to drink in the morning till the vendors open again. I've never been to AA, never really talked to anyone about my problem till I joined SR. I've had 3 major accidents. One in a truck rollover, one on a motorcycle and one on an ATV....bumps and bruises...never seen a doctor for any of them. Anybody I get close to I push away due to the booze. In the last 2 years I lost my job of 16 years and my drivers licence because of DUI. I managed find another good job since my last thankfully...reputation and all. 10 months ago I stopped drinking for almost 6 months after waking up with 2 black eyes. I said enuff was enuff. No doctors...no meds...just cold turkey. I felt great after the first month. 4 months ago it was a hot day and I felt like having a beer thinking I would only drink that night. Havnt stopped since. I need to get my life in order. After reading some of the posts here I felt I needed to get some of my story out.
My life is a hard and lonely one. I don't feel sorry for myself...it's me and only me who brought me to where I am. I'm a very determined person and I can't take this no more!! Don't be shy....throw anything at me...I'll listen! Thanks
Coffee
Just wanted to give a brief history of myself so that you better understand my situation. Here goes.
I'm a 39 yr old single male with no children (divorced 7 years ago). I have a cat and dog. I'm fortunate to be alive and that I have not lost everything but I have lost a lot due to excessive drinking. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings whose ages are all within a year or two of each other's and then there's me...10 years younger. Alcoholism runs very strong in my family. I lost my dad to liver failure when he was 51...I was 17. My mom moved me away from him when I was about 3 and I never really new him. My family is not a close one due to alcohol. Ive worked and drank since I was about 14. Everything I own is due to my work ethic. After landing my first good job at about 18 the drinking became more excessive because I could afford to buy more. To this day I consider myself to be a high functioning alcoholic. I own my home, my toys, have a good job, bills are always paid, debt free and I look after myself other than my drinking. I live in a small town and it's well known how much I drink. My reputation is not a good one. I don't hang out in bars (anymore) because of the fool I am and the guilt/anxiety I feel the next morning. Now I rely on social media/texting to feel guilty. I usually drink alone while doing what needs to be done around the house including renovations, repairs, the animals among other things. I never sit down, I'm always on the go even though I'm drunk. Since my divorce my drinking has become very excessive. I know I can drink 16 beer a night and still be at work the next morning so that's my limit. After work I make sure to buy my beer, cigarettes, something for supper and do whatever running around I need to do....so that I don't have to leave again till morning. Weekends I buy 24 beer so theres some left for me to drink in the morning till the vendors open again. I've never been to AA, never really talked to anyone about my problem till I joined SR. I've had 3 major accidents. One in a truck rollover, one on a motorcycle and one on an ATV....bumps and bruises...never seen a doctor for any of them. Anybody I get close to I push away due to the booze. In the last 2 years I lost my job of 16 years and my drivers licence because of DUI. I managed find another good job since my last thankfully...reputation and all. 10 months ago I stopped drinking for almost 6 months after waking up with 2 black eyes. I said enuff was enuff. No doctors...no meds...just cold turkey. I felt great after the first month. 4 months ago it was a hot day and I felt like having a beer thinking I would only drink that night. Havnt stopped since. I need to get my life in order. After reading some of the posts here I felt I needed to get some of my story out.
My life is a hard and lonely one. I don't feel sorry for myself...it's me and only me who brought me to where I am. I'm a very determined person and I can't take this no more!! Don't be shy....throw anything at me...I'll listen! Thanks
Coffee
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Welcome ,Coffee ! Are you going to take the plunge today and say, no more ? There are people posting on here night and day, due to different time zones, so if you get down or are overcome by the urge to drink ,you can talk instead. From what I've read it's good to have a plan, what are you going to do whilst not drinking, how will you fill your time, what will you drink instead, how you will combat that voice that tells you it's ok just to have one. I have been sober for 8 days now, and I could not have done it without these guys. Hope you join us for your sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Dewey, AZ
Posts: 71
Glad to see that you're here Coffee! I do not have the "wisdom of ages" that a lot of other people here to - this is only day 20 for me, but I CAN tell you you need never feel alone again and you can do this 
Just keep coming back here and reading the inspirational posts, posts that remind you what it was like before you quit, posts that make you laugh, and posts that make you want to reach out and hug someone. It is SOOOO worth it
Just keep coming back here and reading the inspirational posts, posts that remind you what it was like before you quit, posts that make you laugh, and posts that make you want to reach out and hug someone. It is SOOOO worth it Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: CO, USA
Posts: 145
Thanks for the introduction. I can relate to a lot of your post-- I'm near your age and always fancied myself "high-functioning" despite the fact that alcohol definitely took its toll and interfered with real happiness. I too tended to push people away over the years of drinking & tended to drink alone to avoid the feelings of shame or embarrassment. Anyways.. welcome to the forum and here's to a new and healthier path!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 59
Welcome!!! 
It is really great that you realize how big of a problem alcohol has become in your life and you want to take a step towards improving your life seeing that alcohol is the main contributory cause of a lot of negative things going on in your life. Congrats for joining this forum and reaching out, that is really brave!!!
I am similar to you in several ways, I am a high-functioning alcoholic too, I have not really lost much YET due to my drinking...but I realized I would lose a lot if I continued on this path. You said your drinking got excessive since your divorce, my drinking got really bad after some unfortunate developments with my job situation (not related to alcohol, I was performing very well at my job and my bosses were very happy with me). Anyway, something unsetting happened and I did not know how to deal with it other than drinking excessively day in and day out. Anyway, I tell myself, if I remain sober, I will be productive and energetic and apply to jobs and get another great job eventually. Once I quit my job, I was so upset with the situation because I hadn't actually done anything wrong, so I started drinking so much, I needed to apply to jobs but I couldn't because I was way too drunk and/or hung over with no energy to even get up.
In your case, think about it, if you stop drinking, your head will be clear and emotions will be stable, you can meet someone else and have a healthy, loving relationship, and kids one day, who knows? In the meantime, you have your dog and your cat to keep yourself busy with
I think that being a high-functioning alcoholic is even worse in a sense, maybe you can relate? Despite being an alcoholic and knowing that as such, I could always justify my drinking in my head because I was able to have my family, friends, my outward appearance being totally normal, great job, amazing grades at school...It just took longer for me to realize I had to do something about my drinking because I hadn't lost anything much due to it. I could tell myself I did not really have serious problems and rationalize another drink. Until I couldn't since alcoholism is progressive and things got worse over time.
You should try some AA meetings, at first I really did not want to go and imagined people in the rooms as complete losers who had nothing going on in their lives, but there are people from all walks of life, everyone is so supportive and understanding, I could have NEVER imagined I would find people with the same problems as me....You can just go and you don't have to say anything, just listen to what others are saying. Of course you will not relate to every single person's experiences, but I guarantee you will find a lot of people you will somehow identify with. A lot of alcoholics, although not gone through similar experiences, have a lot in common with each other - especially in their ways of thinking and you can learn how others deal with their addictive voice.
It is really great that you realize how big of a problem alcohol has become in your life and you want to take a step towards improving your life seeing that alcohol is the main contributory cause of a lot of negative things going on in your life. Congrats for joining this forum and reaching out, that is really brave!!!
I am similar to you in several ways, I am a high-functioning alcoholic too, I have not really lost much YET due to my drinking...but I realized I would lose a lot if I continued on this path. You said your drinking got excessive since your divorce, my drinking got really bad after some unfortunate developments with my job situation (not related to alcohol, I was performing very well at my job and my bosses were very happy with me). Anyway, something unsetting happened and I did not know how to deal with it other than drinking excessively day in and day out. Anyway, I tell myself, if I remain sober, I will be productive and energetic and apply to jobs and get another great job eventually. Once I quit my job, I was so upset with the situation because I hadn't actually done anything wrong, so I started drinking so much, I needed to apply to jobs but I couldn't because I was way too drunk and/or hung over with no energy to even get up.
In your case, think about it, if you stop drinking, your head will be clear and emotions will be stable, you can meet someone else and have a healthy, loving relationship, and kids one day, who knows? In the meantime, you have your dog and your cat to keep yourself busy with
I think that being a high-functioning alcoholic is even worse in a sense, maybe you can relate? Despite being an alcoholic and knowing that as such, I could always justify my drinking in my head because I was able to have my family, friends, my outward appearance being totally normal, great job, amazing grades at school...It just took longer for me to realize I had to do something about my drinking because I hadn't lost anything much due to it. I could tell myself I did not really have serious problems and rationalize another drink. Until I couldn't since alcoholism is progressive and things got worse over time.
You should try some AA meetings, at first I really did not want to go and imagined people in the rooms as complete losers who had nothing going on in their lives, but there are people from all walks of life, everyone is so supportive and understanding, I could have NEVER imagined I would find people with the same problems as me....You can just go and you don't have to say anything, just listen to what others are saying. Of course you will not relate to every single person's experiences, but I guarantee you will find a lot of people you will somehow identify with. A lot of alcoholics, although not gone through similar experiences, have a lot in common with each other - especially in their ways of thinking and you can learn how others deal with their addictive voice.
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
Welcome! Im wondering what JanieJ is, is today that 1st day of sobriety? I have 19 days in so I do not have a ton of advice, but I can tell you that there is awesome advice on here.
You are not alone here.
You are not alone here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by N3p3nth3 
I can relate to a lot of your post-- I'm near your age and always fancied myself "high-functioning" despite the fact that alcohol definitely took its toll and interfered with real happiness. I too tended to push people away over the years of drinking & tended to drink alone to avoid the feelings of shame or embarrassment. !
By drinking home alone, I would end up interacting with as few people as people. Being out drinking with people, they would see me being "really" drunk, and I would say or do things that were embarrassing, most times I had no idea how I got home at the end of the night even. So isolating myself and drinking alone was a better, but much lonelier (and dangerous) idea.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 415
Thanks for feeling confident enough to share that with us coffee. I don't have any experience with being a functioning alcoholic, my drinking has always caused serious problems but never enough to make me stop. Yet our patterns are still the same - making sure I have enough to last the whole day without leaving, the guilt and anxiety, telling myself I'll only have one and end up drinking for weeks.
I think it would be good to explore your options. Maybe check out a few AA meetings or look into AVRT. And definitely stick around here, this site is amazing.
I wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you grow.
I think it would be good to explore your options. Maybe check out a few AA meetings or look into AVRT. And definitely stick around here, this site is amazing.
I wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you grow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Coffee, since joining SR. on October 1, I guess the major themes sinking in for me are the dangers of trying to drink again once I get the hang of this sobriety thing, especially now that I feel good physically...And to take it one day at a time. Two simple principles I know, but soooo easy to stray from. Stick close here. So many want to help and therefore be helped. We're rooting for you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Have a coffee, and grab one of our hands. Drink water, eat, sleep, be lazy when you can, see your Dr and post and read here.
We are all in this together. SR is a giant lifeboat and you have all hands on deck, for the good times and the bad.
Just grab a hand.
We are all in this together. SR is a giant lifeboat and you have all hands on deck, for the good times and the bad.
Just grab a hand.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by fromadistance
Coffee, since joining SR. on October 1, I guess the major themes sinking in for me are the dangers of trying to drink again once I get the hang of this sobriety thing, especially now that I feel good physically...And to take it one day at a time. Two simple principles I know, but soooo easy to stray from. Stick close here. So many want to help and therefore be helped. We're rooting for you!
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