About Me and my struggle
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Coffeenotbooze,
I, too, have been where you are. In fact, it was a bit spooky reading your post due to the similarities. I won't go into the specifics for the sake of time (and fat fingers)
I just wanted to let you know that it really does get better in time, as I 'm sure has been mentioned a few times. It 'says easy, but does hard' I know, but you've found a great place; a great resource.
This is a good place to be, especially in the beginning and moreover, a good place to turn to when needed. Strength in numbers- welcome to the team!
I, too, have been where you are. In fact, it was a bit spooky reading your post due to the similarities. I won't go into the specifics for the sake of time (and fat fingers)
I just wanted to let you know that it really does get better in time, as I 'm sure has been mentioned a few times. It 'says easy, but does hard' I know, but you've found a great place; a great resource.
This is a good place to be, especially in the beginning and moreover, a good place to turn to when needed. Strength in numbers- welcome to the team!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 400
Thanks for sharing your story Coffee. It takes a lot to spill your guts to strangers, even here. Your story is your story and we all empathize with you, support you and cheer you on. Please believe that each and everyone of us has a story that is not so different from yours. The main theme is that liquor has taken over our life and will eventually take our life. Thats a given. But we can't control it while we are consuming it. That is also a given.
I just passed my 11 month sober date after binge drinking for 45 years. I am not going to tell my story right now but I will share one important thing I learned and accepted when I first joined SR.
Like you, I pegged myself as a high functioning alcoholic. I labelled myself that in one of my early posts. A wise old drunk set me straight. Alcoholism does not have levels at which an alcoholic stays. The disease is progressive. If you are still functioning in your life, job, house duties, pet care etc etc, that is just a stage. It will get worse. And worse to a point where you are no longer functioning, You are dead.
It took me some time to swallow that concept, but now I beleive it and I live it.
I can not live a healthy long life if I am drunk. I may be able to live a non healthy short life. I chose the former.
I don't buy the 24 hours at a time mantra. May work for some, but for me, my sobriety is a forever choice. I have made a commitment to myself, my wife, my kids and my grandkids not to drink again. So far so good.
I have been a drunk since I was 15, 60 now. My two grandsons, 3.5 and 2 years old, are upstairs sleeping right now. They love sleepovers at Papa's house. We had ice cream together after dinner, a few laughs, a story and a cuddle before lights out.
Never would have happened had I drank beer all day watching golf and football. I would have been passed out on the couch by now.
Coffee, I wish you all the best in your sobriety battle. Its a tough one but one worth winning. Visit SR everyday, read the stories, post your thoughts. Visit the various monthly groups, these people have a lot to share on how they are managing the journey.
You can do this brother. We are all on the same train with you.
I just passed my 11 month sober date after binge drinking for 45 years. I am not going to tell my story right now but I will share one important thing I learned and accepted when I first joined SR.
Like you, I pegged myself as a high functioning alcoholic. I labelled myself that in one of my early posts. A wise old drunk set me straight. Alcoholism does not have levels at which an alcoholic stays. The disease is progressive. If you are still functioning in your life, job, house duties, pet care etc etc, that is just a stage. It will get worse. And worse to a point where you are no longer functioning, You are dead.
It took me some time to swallow that concept, but now I beleive it and I live it.
I can not live a healthy long life if I am drunk. I may be able to live a non healthy short life. I chose the former.
I don't buy the 24 hours at a time mantra. May work for some, but for me, my sobriety is a forever choice. I have made a commitment to myself, my wife, my kids and my grandkids not to drink again. So far so good.
I have been a drunk since I was 15, 60 now. My two grandsons, 3.5 and 2 years old, are upstairs sleeping right now. They love sleepovers at Papa's house. We had ice cream together after dinner, a few laughs, a story and a cuddle before lights out.
Never would have happened had I drank beer all day watching golf and football. I would have been passed out on the couch by now.
Coffee, I wish you all the best in your sobriety battle. Its a tough one but one worth winning. Visit SR everyday, read the stories, post your thoughts. Visit the various monthly groups, these people have a lot to share on how they are managing the journey.
You can do this brother. We are all on the same train with you.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,476
G'day Coffee
From what you have posted about 16 beers and still running round the house and still functioning the next day.... I can tell that alcohol has exactly the same effect on you as it did on me.
90 something percent of the population experience alcohol as a downer, a relaxant, a depressant.... Call it whatever you like.
If any normal drinkers tried to drink 16 beers, they would be sat on their bums after probably 8, and promptly fall asleep.
Like me, you experience and your body processes alcohol differently..... For us, alcohol is a stimulant.
I too get the same... "Let's do stuff" feeling when I drank.
This is part of the "high functioning" illusion.
We imagine "Alcoholics" to be complete slobs that live in their own filth and drink booze all day.
Some do, they are alcoholic too, but alcohol still acts as a downer on them.
We who get the stimulant effect are deceived by it. We are just different.
The two guys who started AA, one was a high flying stockbroker in new York, the other was a well thought of MD and surgeon.
AA number 3 was a big time lawyer.
Many many alcoholics are capable of doing things to a very high standard.... But eventually they get cut down by booze.
My advice... Learn from the mistakes of the many who went before you.... Get off the booze before it cuts you down too.
From what you have posted about 16 beers and still running round the house and still functioning the next day.... I can tell that alcohol has exactly the same effect on you as it did on me.
90 something percent of the population experience alcohol as a downer, a relaxant, a depressant.... Call it whatever you like.
If any normal drinkers tried to drink 16 beers, they would be sat on their bums after probably 8, and promptly fall asleep.
Like me, you experience and your body processes alcohol differently..... For us, alcohol is a stimulant.
I too get the same... "Let's do stuff" feeling when I drank.
This is part of the "high functioning" illusion.
We imagine "Alcoholics" to be complete slobs that live in their own filth and drink booze all day.
Some do, they are alcoholic too, but alcohol still acts as a downer on them.
We who get the stimulant effect are deceived by it. We are just different.
The two guys who started AA, one was a high flying stockbroker in new York, the other was a well thought of MD and surgeon.
AA number 3 was a big time lawyer.
Many many alcoholics are capable of doing things to a very high standard.... But eventually they get cut down by booze.
My advice... Learn from the mistakes of the many who went before you.... Get off the booze before it cuts you down too.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 267
Welcome, Coffee. You sound like a level-headed guy with a strong work ethic and sense of responsibility, and if you did six months then just look at what you already know you can do. Imagine all the energy it takes to keep your busy life going while drinking. Channel all of that into your sobriety and I know you can be unstoppable. A cold beer on a hot day has set me back too. Now I know where it (always) leads, but I've been a slow learner. You can do this.
Deaf to AV
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Western NYS
Posts: 62
Welcome, coffee! We're here for you, many longtime members and some new ones..like me, now on day 22! If we can do it, you can too. I find it very comforting to stop in @ SR anytime of day or night to find support, laughs and tears. It's all good. Hope to be reading more of your posts regularly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 47
As I said in my original post...I'm very very fortunate to even be alive. I am slowly losing everything but before I lose it all or kill myself (whichever comes first)...I will defeat this ?$&@. Thanks for all the support...your all my new best friends!
Coffee
Coffee
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
