Substance abuse
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Substance abuse
I posted this on another thread but thought I would ask here as well to see if anyone could tell me how they would feel about their mom asking a judge for help when in trouble:
Here's the story----
Hi, I was hoping to get a few opinions on how to handle a family crisis were having. I've spoke to one member who god love them, was super supportive. But I'm wondering if anyone's had this happen to them. My 26 DD was arrested last night on 2 felony drug possession charges. I went to court to talk to the judge about the options, hoping to persuade rehab. I found out today was just a bond hearing and she's now out doing her own thing. A family advocate I spoke with told me I'm welcome to come back and talk to the judge once one is assigned.
I've had her in rehab 3 times. The longest she's stayed is 1 week. She's destroying her life right in front of her eyes and I don't know how to get through to her. She's grown up with addiction all around her (me included from alcoholism). But she's always had a loving stable home and knows she's got support from me and her grandparents when she's ready to quit.
My deliema, would it be wise to talk to the judge and try to persuade a judgement for what I want? Or would it be better for tough love and to take a step back and let her deal with this?
My heart is in two right now and I feel like this could be a life or death moment. Any advice from someone who's been here I'd love to hear.
Here's the story----
Hi, I was hoping to get a few opinions on how to handle a family crisis were having. I've spoke to one member who god love them, was super supportive. But I'm wondering if anyone's had this happen to them. My 26 DD was arrested last night on 2 felony drug possession charges. I went to court to talk to the judge about the options, hoping to persuade rehab. I found out today was just a bond hearing and she's now out doing her own thing. A family advocate I spoke with told me I'm welcome to come back and talk to the judge once one is assigned.
I've had her in rehab 3 times. The longest she's stayed is 1 week. She's destroying her life right in front of her eyes and I don't know how to get through to her. She's grown up with addiction all around her (me included from alcoholism). But she's always had a loving stable home and knows she's got support from me and her grandparents when she's ready to quit.
My deliema, would it be wise to talk to the judge and try to persuade a judgement for what I want? Or would it be better for tough love and to take a step back and let her deal with this?
My heart is in two right now and I feel like this could be a life or death moment. Any advice from someone who's been here I'd love to hear.
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My guess is you won't be able to sway the judge much anyway, it could even make things worse. You can only advise so much, eventually she will need to start taking responsibility for her own actions.
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I'm sure you daughter would love for you to try to get her a softer sentence. Most addicts love it when they are enabled. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be doing her any favors. Until she has to face the full consequences of her actions, she is unlikely to change.
The best thing loved ones can do for an addict is to get out of their way and let them fall and deal with it on their own. As long as you keep putting a pillow under her to fall on, she won't learn a thing. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the honest truth.
If you have had her in rehab three times and the longest she has stayed is one week, that tells you and everyone else that she isn't ready to quit living that way. Until she is, you are wasting your time, energy and sanity trying to change her.
Let her go. Tell her you will be there if she honestly decides to change, but until then, you are done. And then, BE done.
The best thing loved ones can do for an addict is to get out of their way and let them fall and deal with it on their own. As long as you keep putting a pillow under her to fall on, she won't learn a thing. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the honest truth.
If you have had her in rehab three times and the longest she has stayed is one week, that tells you and everyone else that she isn't ready to quit living that way. Until she is, you are wasting your time, energy and sanity trying to change her.
Let her go. Tell her you will be there if she honestly decides to change, but until then, you are done. And then, BE done.
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Originally Posted by suki44883 
I'm sure you daughter would love for you to try to get her a softer sentence. Most addicts love it when they are enabled. Unfortunately, that wouldn't be doing her any favors. Until she has to face the full consequences of her actions, she is unlikely to change. The best thing loved ones can do for an addict is to get out of their way and let them fall and deal with it on their own. As long as you keep putting a pillow under her to fall on, she won't learn a thing. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the honest truth. If you have had her in rehab three times and the longest she has stayed is one week, that tells you and everyone else that she isn't ready to quit living that way. Until she is, you are wasting your time, energy and sanity trying to change her. Let her go. Tell her you will be there if she honestly decides to change, but until then, you are done. And then, BE done.
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
My guess is you won't be able to sway the judge much anyway, it could even make things worse. You can only advise so much, eventually she will need to start taking responsibility for her own actions.
But... She got released on an OR and didn't come home. That says it all. Hope is sliding away by the minute.
I am beginning to realize I can't save her and her choices are hers and hers alone.
Please anyone reading this who's shooting up, get help. Don't get to the point where you are facing prison. My daughter told me they DONT care if you are detoxing in there. You DONT get special treatment!!!
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In Michigan, we have various substance abuse deferral programs run by specialized courts - sobriety courts, mental health courts, veterans treatment courts. They handle cases meeting certain criteria. They have a better success rate helping addicts stay in recovery than many treatment programs because they have the power to force adherence to the treatment protocol with the hammer of regular jail time. The court-ordered programs and court supervision can last 18 months. These are great programs, so much better than just throwing an addict in jail with no treatment or recovery program. I wonder if something like that exists where you live.
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Originally Posted by SeekingGrowth
In Michigan, we have various substance abuse deferral programs run by specialized courts - sobriety courts, mental health courts, veterans treatment courts. They handle cases meeting certain criteria. They have a better success rate helping addicts stay in recovery than many treatment programs because they have the power to force adherence to the treatment protocol with the hammer of regular jail time. The court-ordered programs and court supervision can last 18 months. These are great programs, so much better than just throwing an addict in jail with no treatment or recovery program. I wonder if something like that exists where you live.
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Waterfalls, take a look at this website. Perhaps your daughter would eligible for this program. You might do some investigation to find out if the court responsible for your daughter's case is operating a "drug court." You could call the judge's clerk to ask about this. I don't know that you are in a position to influence things one way or another - if she is eligible under the drug court program, she will most likely be offered the option as an alternative to straight jail time, and it will be up to her which path she takes. At least, this is how it works in Michigan when one meets the eligibility criteria for the program.
Based on what you've told us, it sounds like you wouldn't want the judge to "go soft" on her by releasing her into a short-term, voluntary rehab. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like she's really ready for recovery, and such a lenient approach would probably not help her. Jail time would probably be better for her, on the theory that the accumulation of negative consequences makes recovery increasingly attractive.
But from what I've seen and heard, a drug court approach is the best option. I'm in the legal profession and have had some exposure to drug courts and their judges, and I've definitely become a fan. They don't always work, of course - but statistically, their outcomes are as good or better than the best voluntary treatment facilities, and it is because they have the power to mandate long-term treatment with the threat of jail time. I've heard multiple stories of people not quite ready for recovery, who probably would never have stuck with a voluntary rehab program, who manage to change their attitude and embrace the program over the course of the many months they are required to participate. The judges here employ a team of professionals who devise individualized plans for each person, and the person is regularly required to report to court, where success is celebrated and they are given lots of positive encouragement. Such a great alternative to treating the disease as a crime and throwing people in jail with no recovery resources or support.
https://www.ohiobar.org/ForPublic/Re...CanUse-71.aspx
Based on what you've told us, it sounds like you wouldn't want the judge to "go soft" on her by releasing her into a short-term, voluntary rehab. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like she's really ready for recovery, and such a lenient approach would probably not help her. Jail time would probably be better for her, on the theory that the accumulation of negative consequences makes recovery increasingly attractive.
But from what I've seen and heard, a drug court approach is the best option. I'm in the legal profession and have had some exposure to drug courts and their judges, and I've definitely become a fan. They don't always work, of course - but statistically, their outcomes are as good or better than the best voluntary treatment facilities, and it is because they have the power to mandate long-term treatment with the threat of jail time. I've heard multiple stories of people not quite ready for recovery, who probably would never have stuck with a voluntary rehab program, who manage to change their attitude and embrace the program over the course of the many months they are required to participate. The judges here employ a team of professionals who devise individualized plans for each person, and the person is regularly required to report to court, where success is celebrated and they are given lots of positive encouragement. Such a great alternative to treating the disease as a crime and throwing people in jail with no recovery resources or support.
https://www.ohiobar.org/ForPublic/Re...CanUse-71.aspx
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Originally Posted by SeekingGrowth
Waterfalls, take a look at this website. Perhaps your daughter would eligible for this program. You might do some investigation to find out if the court responsible for your daughter's case is operating a "drug court." You could call the judge's clerk to ask about this. I don't know that you are in a position to influence things one way or another - if she is eligible under the drug court program, she will most likely be offered the option as an alternative to straight jail time, and it will be up to her which path she takes. At least, this is how it works in Michigan when one meets the eligibility criteria for the program. Based on what you've told us, it sounds like you wouldn't want the judge to "go soft" on her by releasing her into a short-term, voluntary rehab. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like she's really ready for recovery, and such a lenient approach would probably not help her. Jail time would probably be better for her, on the theory that the accumulation of negative consequences makes recovery increasingly attractive. But from what I've seen and heard, a drug court approach is the best option. I'm in the legal profession and have had some exposure to drug courts and their judges, and I've definitely become a fan. They don't always work, of course - but statistically, their outcomes are as good or better than the best voluntary treatment facilities, and it is because they have the power to mandate long-term treatment with the threat of jail time. I've heard multiple stories of people not quite ready for recovery, who probably would never have stuck with a voluntary rehab program, who manage to change their attitude and embrace the program over the course of the many months they are required to participate. The judges here employ a team of professionals who devise individualized plans for each person, and the person is regularly required to report to court, where success is celebrated and they are given lots of positive encouragement. Such a great alternative to treating the disease as a crime and throwing people in jail with no recovery resources or support. https://www.ohiobar.org/ForPublic/Re...CanUse-71.aspx
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