Reality
 

Contemplating so much at the moment. Took 3 days and plugged away did everything a man could do to improve his situation.

Mental hospital, new meds, better meds, Happy with these new medications, started taking them yesterday... but my old medication, Zyprexa led to a 20 LBS. gain in a month.

Hit the job search project like I was possessed. I am going to get a job soon no matter what. At the end of this weekend I will have 3 resumes geared towards different job search ( headhunter) markets, one just won't do.

The bills are coming due now, next week on Friday no more internet or phone, no power on the 3rd of November, and if housing doesn't process my changes by the first of next month homelessness possible.

Grappling with inpatient still, I know so many say just do it, you need it. However, I can't, don't want to, can't imagine losing 34 years of stuff and my pets and the rest of my life on a whim only to be homeless at the end of it all. Outpatient, will happen soon, working on it!

Focused on being mega med compliant, I am stabilizing. Hey reality, hey real folks, how have you all been? I've missed you! I forgot what the feeling of being stable and able to make decisions without delusions feels like.

In an extremely stable, medicated, no alcoholic state I can honestly say this is overwhelming, but doable really, just gotta focus on daily goals, not freak out, and solve as many issues as I can daily.

Good day folks, Jeremy is back, reality is such a wonderful place. Glad to be medicated and ready to make a positive difference in my life. No more alcohol is my new mantra, sober, and medicated is far, far, far, better no more head fog, no more panic attacks no more nothing but me and some task I need to complete to get better.

I want inpatient, but I have to live in reality, lose it all, or keep it all do outpatient and be focused, delicate balance. I am sorry, I know really in a perfect world I need inpatient folks, but we don't live in a perfect world and I am not a perfect being, I know this will upset many

Jeremy

Way to go, tdg. Sounds like you made some good decisions and are taking care of business. You sound like such a good person. I hope the best for you.

Jeremy,
have you thought through all possibilities, about having someone care for your pets, and your things? so you can do inpatient? I don't mean to be critical... just thinking that if housing does not process your changes by the first of next month you might be homeless anyway, and will need to find a temporary home for the pets... so maybe you can find a way?
There are places where they give temporary homes to pets, due to the owners situation making it impossible for them to take care of their pets until they can get their lives straightened out. You might find help that way.

I just think that if YOU think it would be best , there must be a way?
wishing you the very best, whatever you decide you need to do.
:hug:

Hang in there bro!

I understand it's your life and your decision to make Jeremy. We're good.

I'm sorry you didn't go for inpatient though - not because the majority of folks here suggested it, but because I really think a large part of your problem is trying to be all things to everyone...and when in your mind you 'fail' you catastrophise everything and tend towards the 'eff its'.

(that's not a criticism, btw - merely an observation. I did that too).

I think some time out with nothing else to do but focus on you would have made this recovery process a lot easier.

Seeing as you're not doing inpatient, I really recommend you take a hard look at your expectations, and keep them real.

You have a lot of your plate. It's ok if you can't digest it all in one sitting you know?

Try not to drive yourself into the ground. Be gentler on yourself Jeremy....and ask for help when you need it, OK? :)

D

You've spent the last month really struggling....in that same amount of time, maybe you could be on your road to ever-lasting recovery?

We got your back, Jeremy. You keep on.

What D said

Some great suggestions above. Try and be kind to yourself, even if it's just little things, little time- outs where you just do something small that you enjoy, just for five minutes. Sometimes solutions and inspirations come when we relax just for a little while.