New to Recovery--Very Thankful to All of You
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,322
New to Recovery--Very Thankful to All of You
Hi, everyone:
My first post, but I've been reading this site off and on for a year or so trying to figure out, like others, if I "belonged" here. I would say to myself, yes, my drinking is worrisome, but I have a great job, family and friends: I just need to moderate. Of course, that has failed miserably.
Then the other night I read a comment my Anattaboy that really resonated with me: normal drinkers don't have to moderate. They don't even think about moderating. I was also very moved by the thread written by someone who wanted advice on moderating, but then, over the course of a few days, realized he needed to quit. More than anything, that thread helped me (if anyone recalls whose thread that was, please let me know. I'd like to reread it. And also thank that person).
At any rate, this is all to say that I am now 10 days sober. I am excited, but also cautious. I have quit drinking before, for months at a time, so I know that not drinking is just the beginning. I also was a secret drinker,so my partner doesn't really realize how much I was drinking (the other day he made a comment that I didn't drink much--how I wish that I had taken the chance to come clean, but I wasn't feeling brave enough). At any rate, especially with the holidays coming up and visits with family, I'm going to need to think about what to say and how to behave. (No surprise, there is alcoholism in my family too, which never gets discussed because folks are "functioning"). Lots of feelings are coming up too that I'm going to need to grapple with about my relationships and also my perfectionism, especially around work.
But I CAN FEEL! That terrifies me, but it also gives me great hope. The other day I was out walking the dogs and everything seemed sharper, the colors brighter. It was exciting. And I've started a new painting...
This is longer than I intended. But I did want to introduce myself and to thank all of you for your candor and good grace. I have a feeling that I'll be needing your support these next few weeks and months in particular: in the past the first couple weeks have been easy, and then the AV takes over and convinces me I can have a drink now and then.
Take Care!
My first post, but I've been reading this site off and on for a year or so trying to figure out, like others, if I "belonged" here. I would say to myself, yes, my drinking is worrisome, but I have a great job, family and friends: I just need to moderate. Of course, that has failed miserably.
Then the other night I read a comment my Anattaboy that really resonated with me: normal drinkers don't have to moderate. They don't even think about moderating. I was also very moved by the thread written by someone who wanted advice on moderating, but then, over the course of a few days, realized he needed to quit. More than anything, that thread helped me (if anyone recalls whose thread that was, please let me know. I'd like to reread it. And also thank that person).
At any rate, this is all to say that I am now 10 days sober. I am excited, but also cautious. I have quit drinking before, for months at a time, so I know that not drinking is just the beginning. I also was a secret drinker,so my partner doesn't really realize how much I was drinking (the other day he made a comment that I didn't drink much--how I wish that I had taken the chance to come clean, but I wasn't feeling brave enough). At any rate, especially with the holidays coming up and visits with family, I'm going to need to think about what to say and how to behave. (No surprise, there is alcoholism in my family too, which never gets discussed because folks are "functioning"). Lots of feelings are coming up too that I'm going to need to grapple with about my relationships and also my perfectionism, especially around work.
But I CAN FEEL! That terrifies me, but it also gives me great hope. The other day I was out walking the dogs and everything seemed sharper, the colors brighter. It was exciting. And I've started a new painting...
This is longer than I intended. But I did want to introduce myself and to thank all of you for your candor and good grace. I have a feeling that I'll be needing your support these next few weeks and months in particular: in the past the first couple weeks have been easy, and then the AV takes over and convinces me I can have a drink now and then.
Take Care!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Welcome - ten days is brilliant! 
I can relate to a lot of your post - hopefully we'll get all the support we need here and at home to figure out how to get through the holidays.
Oh, and I think you might mean this thread?
I can relate to a lot of your post - hopefully we'll get all the support we need here and at home to figure out how to get through the holidays.Oh, and I think you might mean this thread?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,322
Thank you, everyone, for the warm welcome. I am excited. I also know that I have a lot of questions and concerns that I hope I can ask all of you.
One that has come up for me thus far: I think I mentioned that I have been somewhat of a private drinker. I do drink at parties and get togethers, but most of my binge drinking has been when I'm alone. I think that some (although certainly not all) folks would be surprised to know I drink as much as I do, particularly given the success I've had in a relatively grueling profession (although of course us drinkers know that is precisely one of the reasons that we drink).
Anyway, I'm curious: did most of you disclose your drinking issues with family and friends or did you keep that and your path to sobriety to yourself? I can see how going public (at least among folks one trusts) would help to solidify the commitment.
And thank you for the thread link and to the kind and open person who began it!
One that has come up for me thus far: I think I mentioned that I have been somewhat of a private drinker. I do drink at parties and get togethers, but most of my binge drinking has been when I'm alone. I think that some (although certainly not all) folks would be surprised to know I drink as much as I do, particularly given the success I've had in a relatively grueling profession (although of course us drinkers know that is precisely one of the reasons that we drink).
Anyway, I'm curious: did most of you disclose your drinking issues with family and friends or did you keep that and your path to sobriety to yourself? I can see how going public (at least among folks one trusts) would help to solidify the commitment.
And thank you for the thread link and to the kind and open person who began it!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Welcome matilda. Thank you so much for the lovely post. We're glad you're here with us.
For me, I had no choice but to tell everyone - and it was a relief. I drank for decades and was in terrible shape - drinking at work, totally dependent. So it wasn't a secret that I was in deep trouble. It's different when no one realizes you have a problem. I'll be interested to see what others say.
Congratulations on your 10 days of sobriety.
For me, I had no choice but to tell everyone - and it was a relief. I drank for decades and was in terrible shape - drinking at work, totally dependent. So it wasn't a secret that I was in deep trouble. It's different when no one realizes you have a problem. I'll be interested to see what others say.
Congratulations on your 10 days of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Matilda, I was also a secret drinker. I work a highly visible & professional job, and kept it very compartmentalized. I live alone, so it was very easy for me to keep my behavior private.
I am still private about it professionally. When I'm at a work event where wine is served, I decline by simply saying "no thanks, I'm not drinking," without any further explanation. I don't intend to come out as an alcoholic at work; I believe there is still stigma attached, & don't want to carry other's preconceptions or concerns.
I did tell my secretary that I go to "12 step meetings" for support, as she occaisionally needs to cover for me if I go to the noon meeting. I didn't define which 12 step group...
I am active in AA, and live in a small community, so many people do know. Once I was asked directly by someone at work, who had seen me standing and talking in front of the AA meeting room, whether I was an alcoholic. I redirected by saying that I had quit drinking recently because I feel like alcohol is a negative in my life, and I was making sober friends.". Just didn't feel comfortable defining fully as an alcoholic (I am management to him, & it wasn't comfortable). Interestingly, he replied "is it because of ******, (an employee who had recently drunkenly & dramatically committed suicide). "that's part of it" I answered, "alcohol takes so much from us.". He was very comfortable with this answer, & never asked about it again.
I have told close friends & family that I am an alcoholic & in recovery. They are skeptical, because I don't fit their definitions. More than one has thrown considerable energy into trying to convince me it isn't true. This is very dangerous for me; it was a factor in my last relapse. My AV salivates through a conversation like that. I've learned to close the conversation by shifting it to my health, getting older and being concerned. That seems to shut the argument down in a way that talking about it from am emotional or psychological place does not. Health regimes appear to be more acceptable for people, less threatening.
That's my experience. I have accountability within my AA community & here on SR; that has been enough for me. I recognize that I minimize the importance of my recovery to non-alcoholics, and maybe at some point I'll integrate these two aspects of my life more fully, but this is working for me, for now.
I am still private about it professionally. When I'm at a work event where wine is served, I decline by simply saying "no thanks, I'm not drinking," without any further explanation. I don't intend to come out as an alcoholic at work; I believe there is still stigma attached, & don't want to carry other's preconceptions or concerns.
I did tell my secretary that I go to "12 step meetings" for support, as she occaisionally needs to cover for me if I go to the noon meeting. I didn't define which 12 step group...
I am active in AA, and live in a small community, so many people do know. Once I was asked directly by someone at work, who had seen me standing and talking in front of the AA meeting room, whether I was an alcoholic. I redirected by saying that I had quit drinking recently because I feel like alcohol is a negative in my life, and I was making sober friends.". Just didn't feel comfortable defining fully as an alcoholic (I am management to him, & it wasn't comfortable). Interestingly, he replied "is it because of ******, (an employee who had recently drunkenly & dramatically committed suicide). "that's part of it" I answered, "alcohol takes so much from us.". He was very comfortable with this answer, & never asked about it again.
I have told close friends & family that I am an alcoholic & in recovery. They are skeptical, because I don't fit their definitions. More than one has thrown considerable energy into trying to convince me it isn't true. This is very dangerous for me; it was a factor in my last relapse. My AV salivates through a conversation like that. I've learned to close the conversation by shifting it to my health, getting older and being concerned. That seems to shut the argument down in a way that talking about it from am emotional or psychological place does not. Health regimes appear to be more acceptable for people, less threatening.
That's my experience. I have accountability within my AA community & here on SR; that has been enough for me. I recognize that I minimize the importance of my recovery to non-alcoholics, and maybe at some point I'll integrate these two aspects of my life more fully, but this is working for me, for now.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
I also tell people that my recovery is because of my health-everyone nods at that and no-one argues.
I did try and tell someone I'd stopped because I had a problem, to which he replied " yes, but there's nothing wrong with a glass or two in the evening". Ooh, so dangerous !! I actually found myself thinking, maybe he's right...
Won't try that one again !
As for secret drinker, yes, I was, for the most part. Bottles in bed, mostly, away from the rest of the family. Then the empty bottles out to the recycling when there was no one around. Did occasionally get pretty drunk at the local, or my neighbours house, but mostly was driving when I went out to places that serve drink.
I did try and tell someone I'd stopped because I had a problem, to which he replied " yes, but there's nothing wrong with a glass or two in the evening". Ooh, so dangerous !! I actually found myself thinking, maybe he's right...
Won't try that one again !
As for secret drinker, yes, I was, for the most part. Bottles in bed, mostly, away from the rest of the family. Then the empty bottles out to the recycling when there was no one around. Did occasionally get pretty drunk at the local, or my neighbours house, but mostly was driving when I went out to places that serve drink.
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