Notices

a foot in both worlds

Old 10-17-2014, 07:19 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 164
a foot in both worlds

What is the point of going to an AA meeting, if I just come home and drink anyway?

Its like all I can bring myself to do is "think" about recovery... I mean, I take some action. For example I went threw IOP, did not quit drinking during that, but I did become more open minded about going to AA meetings. And now that IOP is over, I still try to make meetings, but my drinking habits don't change. I am willing to read all about AA literature.. but I don't give up my nightly drinking.

Its like I want to be in two worlds at the same time. I want to continue to drink, and I want to be in recovery too. Or I am not sure I want to be in recovery and I am not sure I can admit powerless over alcohol and Im not sure I want to live a sober lifetime.

I have seen a similar pattern, of wanting to have one foot in the door and one foot out the door at the same time, in my dating life. When a relationship I am in is basically over and we have broken up, I tend to want to stay friends and sometimes a little more, like a friend with benefits. And even once it is completely over and we aren't acting like friends with benefits or even hanging out, I have a hard time moving on. And when I do move on and get involved with someone new, I cant fully be emotionally available to that person because I still miss my ex, even if I don't want to be with them anymore.

Something about my dating patterns remind me of how Im acting about getting sober.

I just cant decide which way I want to go and make a commitment.
ItsJustMe89 is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 07:23 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
waking down
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Commitment is certainly the key word here. Part of you probably loves drinking, but part knows where that is likely to lead. Have consequences set in hard and steady yet?
zerothehero is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 07:34 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by ItsJustMe89 View Post

Its like I want to be in two worlds at the same time. I want to continue to drink, and I want to be in recovery too. Or I am not sure I want to be in recovery and I am not sure I can admit powerless over alcohol and Im not sure I want to live a sober lifetime.



I just cant decide which way I want to go and make a commitment.
You can't have both. And at this point you don't, you are simply drinking.

Sobriery is possible for anyone, but not without committment on a daily basis. Perhaps you could make a list of the pros and cons of each to see for yourself?
ScottFromWI is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:05 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
MelindaFlowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
If you're like me, you have to get to a point where continuing to drink is scarier than giving up drinking.

It could be health problems that scare you, loss of career, family, legal issues but it has to be something.

It was health problems for me. But I will tell you that I could not stop one day before I was more scared of continuing to drink than giving it up and doing whatever I could to stay sober.

I had a rather serious diagnosis from my dr. to scare me but trust me, you don't have to drink until something really bad happens. It would have been much easier to stop a few years ago.

Which is scarier to you: Continuing to drink or stopping drinking completely? Really think about it.

I am no expert on sobriety and if you would have asked me this question in May, I would have said that I was more scared of stopping than continuing. In June I was brought to my knees and the scales shifted. Only then was I able to stop drinking.
MelindaFlowers is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:23 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Jacksonville FL
Posts: 164
Thank you for your comment MelindaFlowers. Unfortunately for me, I think I have faced consequences as a result of my drinking. But I don't think I have gotten to a point where I can really say that continuing to drink is scarier then becoming and living sober. I am in my comfort zone where I am. Even if it is not all that comfortable. It is familiar and easy and predictable. I hate being pushed out of my comfort zone, in regards to anything, but drinking is included.

I think that is what it comes down to for me. Have I hit a bottom that is firm and solid enough to build a step 1 on? Or will I not have any long term success in recovery because I haven't gotten to a bottom that will be the turning point for me?

I know it would be much better to quit before I reach a bottom like that. But its hard to get the determination, commitment, and motivation to live sober if you don't reach a convincing enough bottom.

I guess I just have to really assess the consequences I have had because of drinking and try to realize that it has gotten bad enough for me and there is no need to torture myself more and continue on to an even lower bottom before I do something about it.
ItsJustMe89 is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Recovered from Hopeless State
 
dSober's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
NO! It's not just you!

YOU haven't hit your bottom yet. Keep drinking, you will; you're not gonna like it.
dSober is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:39 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 100,083
I hope you decide to quit drinking before something truly awful happens.
least is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:53 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
A Day at a Time
 
MIRecovery's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If your lucky you will hit your bottom before you kill yourself or someone else. Alcohol wants us dead but will only let us go after it has destroyed everything we love and cherish.

The good news is we can get off the train to death any time we want
MIRecovery is offline  
Old 10-17-2014, 09:54 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
MavisTheFairy13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 668
I was like that for ages, trying to stop because I felt I should, that i needed to stop, but I didn't WANT to stop. Until you really truly want to stop I don't think you can successfully move forward with sobriety. I'm now happy (really happy) that I'm never going to drink again. Good luck
MavisTheFairy13 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:27 AM.